southerngirl

HI,I have not posted in quiet sometime. and i am not sure when to begin. i would like to start by telling alot of you, i have been where you are at with my recovered AH. But, now i am not sure where I belong.After, completing a one year program, my AH, has recovered how great that should be, right!? well, yes and no..After he completed the program he was told he could stay in aftercare, for as long as he wanted and could go to work at the center. Well, to make a long story short, that is exactly what he did and is doing.
all this time during his addiction and recovery i looked forward to the day, i would have my husband back, the man i married. But, i am not so sure now what is going on or if it is ever going to happen. I trully believe, the reason he descide to stay, is he is scared of the out side world area, have recovered in just such a program and have relasped, and are now in jail for a long time. But, now after alittle over 3 months of this, he has me, and that he means what he is saying.. " he wants a divorce" he will never be the man he use to be to me, and he loves me but not enough to stay in our marriage.
Now, i might add, ( i have heard this before during the drug days) but, more than that he is in a christian based program, that does not really believe anyone should divorce, but they understand in certain ways. My heart and yes i believe my lord and savior, does not agree with a divorce for this reason he has given. What that he is scared???? plus in a few weeks he has yet another court date in which they are pushing some prison term, for sure. he has yet to go to jail.before. Part, of me believes in jail, he may really change his mind on things as far as us. you see he has had it fairly easy so far, with just rehab, but jail time.. who knows??? one other thing even the divorce thing is totally his idea, he will not file for it himself, he wants me to do it... i guess so i can carry the sin on my shoulders? plus, no matter when i call him, unlike before, he always returns my calls, no matter what. strange i think...But, even now with him sober, he is still not that man i thought he would be, he seems so bitter... yes, he is sober.. but, happy with life.. i trully wonder...in fact, some think that he believes divorce with make his life happy again.. but, i think that something he can do only for himself with or without a divorce.. he and god can only make him happy.. you know..
your thoughts would be appreciated..

Blake

We are never "recovered", being in recovery is a lifelong process. Staying connected with a program of recovery is the way we stay "in recovery"


I personally think that your husband is making a very wise choice to stay connected with his program of recovery.

In my experience, people that "graduate" drug court and stop showing up at meetings and such, relapse and end up back or in jail or dead.

Dawn10

Blake is very correct.

We addicts are NEVER recovered. There is no magic miracle cure. It is constant work to stay in recovery and stay clean. I think your husband is wise to stay where he is comfortable and secure in the knowledge that he has less chance of relapsing. Think of it this way--a diabetic is never cured of diabetes. Insulin and diet control the blodd sugars, but it is a big change in lifestyle that must be for the rest of your life to keep the blood sugars under control. It is the same with us addicts. It is a life style change.
I was a pill addict who secured her pills mostly through my job at a hospital as a nurse. I knew once I was clean I could NEVER EVER return to nursing. It was too much of a temptation.
Go to NARANON and get support. I am sorry that he wants a divorce. I wish I had some words of comfort for you on that.

michski

Glad to hear he's doing what he needs to in order to stay clean and sober. In my book if he's afraid it's because he's smart and determined. I was completely terrified my first year of sobriety.

Lbad

The Big Book of Alcoholics Annonymous says we do recover...from a hopeless state of mind and body. It is on the first page of the Dr's opinion, and in one of the prefaces. We never really recover from our addiction to substances though. We treat our disease on a daily basis instead of using drugs or alcohol to treat our illness we use a spiritual program of recovery. It sounds like he is doing whatever he needs to do. Change is scary. What I can tell you is that for me the scariest changes in my life have brought me the greatest rewards. Good luck and remember to take care of you. That is what is most important.
Love,
L