My Brother....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ottawa, On
Posts: 2
My Brother....
I am not sure where to start with this. My brother, who is 28 has been trying to stay clean for 1 year now. He has gotten into debt with gambling and using drugs and alcohol. He has had to sell everything and move back in with my parents, who dont have the heart to say no to him.
This past weekend he overdosed and nwo is in hospital. The doctors think it was a suicide attempt. I am still in shock. Not sure whether to be angry or sad.
I am trying to keep a brave face for my family, but seeing him like this is just making me fall apart. My counsellor has suggested I not go visit him in hospital right now, but I feel that would be selfish of me.
I dont know what to do.....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This past weekend he overdosed and nwo is in hospital. The doctors think it was a suicide attempt. I am still in shock. Not sure whether to be angry or sad.
I am trying to keep a brave face for my family, but seeing him like this is just making me fall apart. My counsellor has suggested I not go visit him in hospital right now, but I feel that would be selfish of me.
I dont know what to do.....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
lostinottawa...This is a very difficult problem. He may be looking for pity, and for your parents to fix everything, but then maybe not, he may want out of the mess. This is almost impossible to know.
You mentioned he was trying to stay clean, so what did he overdose on???
Have you studied up on addictions?? Was he going to AA?? or any other support group or councelling?? I hope his Dr. gets him into a treatment center for addicts , even if he has been there befor,
I am so sad that you and your family are going through this. I hope someone comes along with some thoughts. HUGS clancy46
You mentioned he was trying to stay clean, so what did he overdose on???
Have you studied up on addictions?? Was he going to AA?? or any other support group or councelling?? I hope his Dr. gets him into a treatment center for addicts , even if he has been there befor,
I am so sad that you and your family are going through this. I hope someone comes along with some thoughts. HUGS clancy46
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Dear Lost...welcome to SR. (((((((((((((((( lost ))))))))))))))))))))
I wonder if the hospital would offer counselling to him and make recommendations about addiction? This episode could be a cry for help or he just slipped. Either way, he, you and your parents need help.
Talk with your parents and encourage them to attend NA meetings; and you go too. None of you can continue living like this and need to know how to handle such situations and how to take care of yourselves. Just know that there is nothing anyone can do for him. He's got to want it himself.
I wonder if the hospital would offer counselling to him and make recommendations about addiction? This episode could be a cry for help or he just slipped. Either way, he, you and your parents need help.
Talk with your parents and encourage them to attend NA meetings; and you go too. None of you can continue living like this and need to know how to handle such situations and how to take care of yourselves. Just know that there is nothing anyone can do for him. He's got to want it himself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Ottawa, On
Posts: 2
Thank you both for replying. I haven't been able to bring myself to visit him in hospital yet. But it is breaking my heart. I am usually the one who takes care of things, now I am just worn out....I don't know what to do anymore
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
I can relate to the feelings you expressed. My daughter is struggling with an addiction to alcohol and recently lost her job and I agreed to let her live with me temporarily.
By going to Alanon and working the recovery program, I have learned that I can't control her or her addiction, but I can control my own thoughts, actions, and reactions. The chaos of dealing with an addicted love one on a daily basis has become a bit easier since I've been working to take the focus off her and get it back onto me. This is not easy because it goes against everything we've been taught about loving and supporting our family members.
What I've learned in Alanon is that one of the most loving things I can do for her is work on my own recovery and not let her disease destroy me. I know, this sounds confusing and maybe a bit selfish but go to the meetings, and read the literature, and eventually you will start feeling better, no matter what is happening with your brother.
Love and blessings
Robin
By going to Alanon and working the recovery program, I have learned that I can't control her or her addiction, but I can control my own thoughts, actions, and reactions. The chaos of dealing with an addicted love one on a daily basis has become a bit easier since I've been working to take the focus off her and get it back onto me. This is not easy because it goes against everything we've been taught about loving and supporting our family members.
What I've learned in Alanon is that one of the most loving things I can do for her is work on my own recovery and not let her disease destroy me. I know, this sounds confusing and maybe a bit selfish but go to the meetings, and read the literature, and eventually you will start feeling better, no matter what is happening with your brother.
Love and blessings
Robin
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Originally Posted by lostinottawa
I am not sure where to start with this. My brother, who is 28 has been trying to stay clean for 1 year now. He has gotten into debt with gambling and using drugs and alcohol. He has had to sell everything and move back in with my parents, who dont have the heart to say no to him.
This past weekend he overdosed and nwo is in hospital. The doctors think it was a suicide attempt. I am still in shock. Not sure whether to be angry or sad.
I am trying to keep a brave face for my family, but seeing him like this is just making me fall apart. My counsellor has suggested I not go visit him in hospital right now, but I feel that would be selfish of me.
I dont know what to do.....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This past weekend he overdosed and nwo is in hospital. The doctors think it was a suicide attempt. I am still in shock. Not sure whether to be angry or sad.
I am trying to keep a brave face for my family, but seeing him like this is just making me fall apart. My counsellor has suggested I not go visit him in hospital right now, but I feel that would be selfish of me.
I dont know what to do.....ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Not saying NO is enabling, and will kill an alcoholic.
2. Selfish to save your own sanity? Hon, you have lost sigh of YOU and YOUR needs and are only focusing on saving a person who you have NO power to save. Put the oxygen mask over YOUR mouth first.
You and your family need to go to AL-anon. To save your own lives, and to stop enabling a very sick man.
www.al-anon.alateen.org
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
((((((((((lostinottawa)))))))))
Welcome to our forum. There is much knowledge here and like everything to do with this, you can take what you want and leave the rest.
I understand the anger/sad feelings. Almost 15 years ago my dear cousin Richie was successful in his suicide. One of my other cousins (Richie's bro) summed it up best at the funeral..."If he had survived I'd kill him for this!"
I agree with everyone else, Al-anon would be a wonderful place for all your family members. I'm also wondering if, while your bro is hospitalized, his doctor and his family to stage an intervention...he could see the impact on his loved ones and choose to enter a residential treatment program or, leave your parents home. It may seem harsh but sometimes the kindest thing is indeed the hardest thing.
I will pray that you, your bro and your entire family find peace.
Welcome to our forum. There is much knowledge here and like everything to do with this, you can take what you want and leave the rest.
I understand the anger/sad feelings. Almost 15 years ago my dear cousin Richie was successful in his suicide. One of my other cousins (Richie's bro) summed it up best at the funeral..."If he had survived I'd kill him for this!"
I agree with everyone else, Al-anon would be a wonderful place for all your family members. I'm also wondering if, while your bro is hospitalized, his doctor and his family to stage an intervention...he could see the impact on his loved ones and choose to enter a residential treatment program or, leave your parents home. It may seem harsh but sometimes the kindest thing is indeed the hardest thing.
I will pray that you, your bro and your entire family find peace.
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