Kahlia

My brother passed away a year ago today, at the age of 42.....he was schizophrenic and had a total psychotic break at the age of 32. He was the kindest, gentlest, most considerate person I have ever known. I miss him today and everday. Reflecting back has been difficult as he was a recovering cocaine addict and alcoholic.....toward the end of his life-he was going to a painCnter "for back pain". I talked to him about 6 times a day as he would hallucinate and just need someone to talk to. He was getting phentynol patches and a few assorted narcotics. He told me that nobody understood, he was a social outcast. I told him "we all are". He made me cry the last time I talked to him as he told me a story about how he was in a grocery store and there was ayoung woman and her very small infant standing outside crying. He asked her what was wrong??? She told him that she could not give herbaby anything to eat because her abusive husband had taken her money and she was in tears. My brother, being who he was, had $104.00. He took the young woman into the store and he told her to but $100.00 worthof groceries. He had $4.00 left. He said that he knew he would be blessed for doingthat deed. The next morning he goes and checks his mail and he got a rebate check for 104.00. I am serious. I think he was using because he was so scared and alone. He was an addict and he could not put those drugs down for good....when he passed away, he died peacefully in his sleep. There were NO narcotics found in his system..he was on so many different kinds of anti-psychotic meds etc....I used to tell him, "Chas, you cannot mix drugs". He never replied. I still love my brother and on his headstone it says "GONE HOME"....I belive that he would not want me to be sad but to celebrate his life....I am trying to do that today. Thank you all for listening and rememeber to hug someone today as tomorrow they may not be here.....Kahlia

namommy

In memory of miracle

(.....)

Gooch

(((((((((((((Kahlia))))))))))


I think your brother is smiling at home tonight as he sees your loving memorial.

Godspeed Chas.

cj.

((((((((((Kahlia))))))))))

Thank You for sharing this story about your brother. It touched me deeply.

Peace
cj

WNY Addict

Thanks for sharing that, Kahlia. Your brother sounds like he was a wonderful soul. I think all of us are, we just get caught up in our own little prisons. Like the BT say we're not bad people trying to get good, we're sick people trying to get well.

I miss my father tremendously. He was a wonderful man... and I know he's home too. He died at the age of 63. I took him to the hospital on my one year anniversary and he died four days later. When I took him to the hospital he was in agonizing pain (although he did admit it while at home), and when he got there and the doctor asking him if he was hurting he started crying and said he was. He was scared that the pain medications at home would be a trigger for me, so he avoided using them. He was also more worried about constipation than he was pain. He was so strong willed.

He was the one son out of the four that my grandparents had that didn't abuse drugs or alcohol. Despite that he developed pancreatic cancer. He was originally diagnosed with 4 months to live without chemo (6-8 months with it), and he lived with us for another 49 months after his diagnosis. 2+ years without any chemo. I'm just glad that God gave me some time with him while I was clean. I watched him die clean, and I stayed clean during the funeral... and since. I know he would be proud.

When he was diagnosed I used that as an excuse to use. I know now that it's not and excuse, and it's not God trying to pick on me and my family. It's just life.

Like you said, and I can't agree more, we have to cherish every moment we're gifted with.

Peace