Frustrated...
too much on my plate!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Frustrated...
So I get an email from my XAbf on Monday saying he would call me that night or tomorrow, which was yesterday. We were going to discuss him getting his things that are here;and a few other matters that needed to be dealt with ie-the lease, the rest of his money, etc. He said he didn't want any problems or anything, just wanted it to go smoothly.
He basically emails me every Monday saying the same thing and yet never follows through with any of it. He's always been pretty good at keeping his word when he was sober. I guess I'm just lost and baffled by his bizarre behaviour.
I'm also still grieving over him, but it hurts to know that he can't even as much keep one promise to call. I got mad and of course reacted in an angry way and told him just don't bother to come and get his things; that I would just keep them or toss them out as I'm tired of dealing with his bullshi*..
He basically emails me every Monday saying the same thing and yet never follows through with any of it. He's always been pretty good at keeping his word when he was sober. I guess I'm just lost and baffled by his bizarre behaviour.
I'm also still grieving over him, but it hurts to know that he can't even as much keep one promise to call. I got mad and of course reacted in an angry way and told him just don't bother to come and get his things; that I would just keep them or toss them out as I'm tired of dealing with his bullshi*..
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Hi Savana:
I understand your frustration. We expect adults to behave responsibly and rationally. We expect them to keep their word. A simple concept, but not for an addict. So instead of getting angry over his irresponsible behavior, why not set a boundary?
Next Monday, when he e-mails you about collecting his clothes again, simply tell him, "I will box up your clothes and have them ready for you Tuesday. You can stop by and pick up your things at 8:00 pm. If you don't collect them then, I will drop them off at a charity on my way to work on Wednesday."
And then keep your boundary and be done with it. Problem solved. Frustration avoided.
I understand your frustration. We expect adults to behave responsibly and rationally. We expect them to keep their word. A simple concept, but not for an addict. So instead of getting angry over his irresponsible behavior, why not set a boundary?
Next Monday, when he e-mails you about collecting his clothes again, simply tell him, "I will box up your clothes and have them ready for you Tuesday. You can stop by and pick up your things at 8:00 pm. If you don't collect them then, I will drop them off at a charity on my way to work on Wednesday."
And then keep your boundary and be done with it. Problem solved. Frustration avoided.
too much on my plate!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
I guess it just bothers me since he hasn't even tried to call like he has promised. In the last three weeks I have not spoken over the phone to him in a rational way. He had promised to call; and I realize he is an addict, but he has been able to keep tiny promises such as just calling me on a specific date or time before. I don't understand why the sudden change.
Also, he lives about 5 hours away from me since he is staying with his Mom. Plus his things are huge peices of furniture and his computer, I wish it was as simple as his clothes.
Also, he lives about 5 hours away from me since he is staying with his Mom. Plus his things are huge peices of furniture and his computer, I wish it was as simple as his clothes.
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