renee18

I had a rough this afternoon. I got a letter from a college I applied to and I was excepted. I told my mom and she was fine and I told her I needed to vist the school. ANd she said call and set up a time I called and i am going next friday. All go right now. Everything fell apart after my mom told my dad about Muskingum. my dad said all this negative stuff and he said that I can't go it is to far. And my mom started agreeing with my dad what happened to the mom that said it was great. I finally said that it is my decision in the end but they were not listening to me my dad keep saying you can't do it and you can't go. It is my life. I am trying to have my own goals and i am trying to make very important decisions in my right now. I wish I had my parents that would help but all they are doing is putting college down. Another thing my dad said that really Pi**** me off was that I will want to come home on the weekends because I will be home sick. Will I be homesick yes but I am not coming home. Coming home would make things harder on me. I told him that i iwll stay and handle it and he just walked away from me. Right now I hate my dad the most. I know that i love him and that he is my dad and the diease is talking but it is hurting me. I don't know what I should do. I am trying to deal with the issues I have about going to college and I am letting my parents make me mad. It is my decision and no matter what I decide my parents will not be happy and the concenquence (sorry about spelling)to me is they will not talk to me for weeks. It has happened before. I am angry and frusterated. I think I can make a decision but why don't my parents want me to make decisions for myself and why does my mom say one thing but when my dad is there she says something else. that hurt me the most today
LOve,
Shana

JT

Renee,

This is an important time for you. Before you know it you will be making all of your decisions so why not start now?

The dynamic between your mom and dad has been around long before you arrived and you are not going to be the one to change it. I would trust that what your mom said originally is what what she really meant. She is keeping peace in her marriage.

I had a similar set up but my mom allowed her husband to kick me out and keep me out for 20 years before he died. He never spoke to me in all that time...so go figure. She had to to what she had to do. She had her own issues and I had no choice but to accept it. I certainly couldn't change it and trust me, I tried.

Hugs,
JT

renee18

Thanks JT. I know I can't change my parents. But it is hard but I am still trying. I have been making decisions on my own and it helps and the other decisions i made were good so I think I can make bigger decisions now. I know understand that my mom is trying to keep the peace thanks for telling me that. I really think she is trying to keep the peace.
Love,
Shana

walkingtheline

Renee, Congrats on being accepted! It's an big milestone and you should be very proud.

The end of high school often signals the beginning of your adult life. It's tough for parents to let go but it's the way it must be.

Get your school financing in order and do what is best for your future. Pray that your parents begin to see the wisdom of your decisions.

Go, girl, go! Your future awaits...

elizabeth1979

Hi Renee,

I am really proud of you for being as mature as you are at your age. I know how you feel but cant bring myself to put the A word next to the word father...still and I am 25 and continue to re-live the father daughter relationship with alcoholic partners. Its frustrating when mom is on your side and then switches just like that...You never really know who is on your side. I've lived my whole life like that. Well, be on your own side and live your life for you. I am still a daddys girl and have a troubled relationship with both parents. I think sometimes when I get upset that if only my mom had been there for me instead of him that I would have grown up better or at least different. It wouldn't have been, becuase I would still have a father with a disease. Thats why I have to change myself so I don't re-live this with my kids. So many of us here are proud of you and are cheering you on
Sarah Elizabeth

renee18

Thanks. I am having a great day today. I am going to do what I want. I want to be happy with my dreams and not my parents.
I hope you all have a great day.
Love,
Shana

Magichappens

((Shana))
Glad you are having a better day. We all get caught up in the sickness sometimes. The important thing is that you can reach out for help and get ok. You are a very tough girl. You have been through a lot and come out strong.You are going to have a wonderful life. Love and hugs, Magic

gelfling

Beginning in a few months, you'll be starting a new life. What an exciting time to look forward to. And having the opportunity to go to college is a dream for lots of kids who never make.

Work hard at keeping the focus on yourself, your continued recovery and enjoying life to the fullest.

BTW...what's your major going to be?

Blessings

renee18

Thanks guys. I will either be attending Ashland or Muskingum College. I have not made a decision yet. my major will be Early Childhood Education/Special needs but my long term goal is to be counselor in the end. Thanks for all your support.
LOve,
Shana

Allow your self the beauty to bloom. -E. Bunny

cwohio

((shana))

DefofLov

(((Shana))) Hang in there! Who knows why your dad is being so negative but I do hope you stick to your dreams. I am praying and hoping the best for you.

renee18

Thanks guys. When I got home from school today and my mom and me were talking she said that my dad talk to her and that he is afraid for me to be almost three hours ways if something would happen they could not get there. I know that know but I told my mom today that I was really upset by what my dad said and my mom said he has never been away from me and that they want to be there for me but if I am three hours away they can't do that and I understand that part but it is time for me to break away from parents and live my life. I love my parents a lot and i will be homesick but that is part of growing up.
Love,
Shana

rara

Many parents (often unintentionally) try to control their children so they won't leave the nest. This goes for all parents. My parents are not A's but my mother was very negative and panicky over me leaving. This went on for several years after college and we fought constantly. Now of course I can look back many years later and see that she was just afraid to let me go. I can easily forgive it now but at the time it was very hard.

College is a wonderful time in your life. Your are breaking away from your family, becoming an adult, and preparing for your career. You will meet so many people and have many wonderful experiences. I had lunch with a college friend yesterday, and 25 years later we laughed and laughed and it seems like yesterday. I cherish those memories and I think it is one of the best times of your life. Don't let anything stop you from enjoying it!

My AH has adult children and he spoils them. His spoiling them is not helping them. I don't think any of them realize that. Alcoholism is not discussed or faced in their family. Remember that you are aware that your dad is an A and you are doing a good job in coping with it--- many at your age are not aware of this. I am sure they love you and mean well. But it is your life, you are entering a wonderful phase. They don't want to ruin it, they are just doing what they have always done in their lives. I haven't read all your posts so I may have some things wrong. I am not sure if you've been in counseling, but that will surely help. You can often get free counseling at colleges. Take advantage!

Congrats on your acceptance and get ready for a special time in your life!

renee18

Thanks rara. your post is very helpful. I do work with my counselor at my high school but when all this was going on this week he was doing testing so I was on my own a little bit but I got through it
Love,
Shana

rara

Shana--that's great, glad you are getting counseling. I took advantage of the free counseling when I was in college and it helped a lot.

Keep us posted!