elizabeth1979

I was reading some posts and threads from the AA Formum and was feeling kinda down about myself. Geesh are we all a bunch of self righteous poeple? Please dont anyone be offended, because I am questioning my own motives more than anything. I read posts of alcoholics who are really to be commended in my book and wonder if my SO feels I am whiny and self righteous. I can tell you the difference between the people on the AA board and my SO, is that he is not working the stepps, going to meetings, or working a recovery prgram, from what I can see. I know this is tough, but am I taking too much time out to complain about things instead of focusing on the recovery? Is it normal for me to feel the way I feel and want him gone? I had a particularly tough evening with mine bc I have to do a balancing act bt love for him and love for myself, and I am finding the two dont easily go hand in hand, for me that is. Or am I nuts and just backsliding into worry for him instead of me?

Daffodil

Oh finding the balance act.

Yes, Elizabeth it is hard at first but if you keep working on you, keep the focus on your recovery it gets easier and easier. I am never going to do it perfectly no matter how long I am in recovery from the affects of the family disease of alcoholism.
It is progress, progress, progress.
I didn't get to be a codie all at once so what makes me think I'll get recovered all at once. I've been doing the Al-Anon program a good many years and I still have to practice the principals of the Al-Anon program daily in all my affairs.

You are not nuts. You can start your day over at any given time. In fact, sometimes I start my day over several times a day. IT'S ALLOWED. LOL!

As long as you recognize what you are doing, make the necessary changes you need for your serenity, you're work on your recovery.

emily33

Some of my thoughts and ideas of how things should be were very crazy. Thinking I could change things all by myself and fix my H and my surrounding world was completly crazy.

Because of actively pursuing my own recovery and working on myself, I am learning a new way of doing things that is alot less crazier for me. I have come down from my fantasy world and figured out I am not that powerful to fix everyone around me.

I use to think everyone around me were freaks and that is the truth. I really didnt see anything wrong with me, I didnt even know I was on a high horse, but I recognize that as one of my faults, now I am off my high horse and I am more aware of my problems and I am working on them. Only through Alanon and my friends at SR and working my own recovery, has helped me be more aware of my faults and I am no longer in denial. Yup, I was in denial just like my A is,

Nobody could have told me anything, cause I wouldnt have listened.

I think one of the differences between my A and myself is that he self medicated himself and I chose not to. My H self medication was not provided by a doctor and it is not monitored.

Gooch

Using the standard definition of insanity I hear around recovery rooms.. "Insanity is doing the same things over and over expecting different results", I've come to the conclusion that I was insane or at the very least acting the part.

Seems that the best solution I have found is to "do something different and not expect the same results."

These days my crazee is more of a universally accepted term of endearment.

and a side benefit is being able to accept the chaos I am not creating, and stop what I do create from getting so out of hand that it causes great harm to myself and others.

welcome to the healthy side of crazy.

nocellphone

Heh... When I read the title of this thread, my first thought was, "Yep!"

When I first read the 12 Steps, I tried like hell to rewrite Step Two and find a word to replace that pesky "sanity", but today I know it was because I was uncomfortable with the truth about how my thinking and actions had been. To anyone but me, I must certainly have appeared insane.

I've often cited the following as an example: the most insane thought I've ever had---and I've had it countless times---is "Y'know, if I could just die... my life would be soooo much better!" This is not sane thinking.

Once I accepted the insanity of my own life (brought on by my exposure to others' alcoholism), I was free to begin my recovery journey.

I asked my sponsor once, after having made an absolutely atrocious decision, "Am I crazy?" His response? "Yep! And that's why we have a program today!!!" My reaction? "Whew!"

There is freedom in surrendering...

Afterthought: I much prefer being around groups of people who can own their insanity and are doing something about it than being around crazy people who can't/won't admit it and try to put it on everyone else!

nocellphone

I heard someone with multiple years of sobriety in AA once say that, for her, this was now her definition of sanity!

She said, "If I go to meetings over and over... if I work the Steps with my sponsor over and over... if I read spiritual literature over and over... if I work with others in recovery over and over... (and so on), I can expect a different result: I'll have my sanity again".

I found this quite profound...

Gooch

kewl! yeah I guess thats whats keeping me sane today too. I am doing the same things over and over ( skads different from the old same things I did over and over) and today I am getting different results.

JT

Talk about a balancing act!

Balancing the love for another and the love for myself? I have learned that I am incapable of loving another if I don't love myself. Which means putting myself first while not stomping on any one else.

Teeter-totter 101,
JT

gelfling

Thank you JT...so very true and discovering that I am loving my husband more as I go on in my recovery. I'm thrilled to see the results.

brightlight

My husband says I am self rightous and stuff like that. I am and I look at everybody like they are freaks. I think everybody is weird. I thought about this today and even told my husband that I think I lived in a world of fantasy and I was over protected till in my 30's and now I am looking at it different and I see that people are not all freaks, but a lot of people have been suffering. I met a lady at bowling and she told me her husband used to drink. She has been married to him for over 40 years, but she said her dad drank and she has been married three times and all three were A's! She has had a rough life. I am trying to look at my husband different and not so mean. I looked at him today and thought how he has suffered. His dad drank and I saw a picture of him when he was about 1 or 2 and his finger nails were just filthy. I cannot imagine having one of my kids that little have dirty fingernails. It just kind of made me sick to my stomach to think of all the neglect my husband had. He told me once that his dad was beating his mother and he got in a chair so he could reach his dad's head and he hit him over the head with a book. What a nightmare and now I yell at him. I think if I could just remember all this and forget about how this is being done to me and the kids and start feeling for him, it would be better.