EmotionalMeg

Hi,
I am sorry, some nights I just have so much to say... so many unanswered thoughts.
Anyway, along the same lines as my last post... I have to explain something to you. When I was 5, and my sister 6 yrs old, my mom left my dad (and us). My dad was left to raise 2 young girls on his own - he took care of us the best he knew how, and for the most part, we had a good upbringing. However, the one thing my childhood lacked? A solid foundation of unconditional love - you know, the kind you pour out on your own kids; the love, the attention, the interest in their lives etc. So it leaves me in a funny place as an adult. I am quite shy, and distrustful of ppl. And I am very protective of my emotions - very few are welcome to my true expressions of love. So here I am, struggling through my own recovery in Al-anon, and watching my hubby (my A) struggle through his. As I slowly come out of this shell of co-dependancy I so easily fell into, I realize how hard of a time I have openly loving and trusting my husband. Obviously, ANYONE in a relationship with an addict has a hard time trusting them... but I am having a VERY hard time of it. Intimately, I am shy but wanting that open, beautiful love with him. And just on a day to day basis, he notices a lot more now how closed off I have been in past years - You see, he sees a lot of things differently in his sober world. And, on top of this, HE is a very self conscious person as well... he says he NEEDS to know he is important and loved etc.... I am having a hard time helping him...
Help?!!
Meg

Morning Glory

I'm sorry Meg if I misread your last post. Others will offer their support tomorrow. Please check back in the morning.

I truely think that the issues you are both working on can be worked through with counseling providing your husband remains sober. I have seen others work through these issues and I have hope that you can too.

It's hard to face abandoment isuues in childhood. That might take you some time to work through.

There is a lot of hope and there is a way to recover from all the things you are experiencing.

I promise.

Hugs,

MG

Ann

Hi Meg

Ditto to evrything MG said. Using OR clean, there is not much you can do to change him. His recovery is his recovery.

Spend this time working on your recovery. Build you own strength and learn to let go of your fears and resentments. That is what recovery is all about.

And counselling is probably a great idea, for yourself to deal with your own issues, and as a couple to try to salvage your marrriage.

My prayers are with you.