jalacola

Okay, my AH has done something completely selfish (shocker, huh?) and life-threatening for himself.

He has decided to have gastric bypass surgery to lose weight. He has near 200 lbs. to lose. Problem...he can't have it if he is an active alcoholic, which he is. So, how does he solve this problem? He lies to the surgeon! Ummm...there's a reason that they won't allow someone who is actively drinking to have this surgery. THEY COULD VERY WELL DIE FROM IT! He knows that he won't get approved if they know (and he is very much in denial and will tell me that it's been a week since his last drink when I know darn well it was last night). What do I do??? He thinks the surgery is going to solve his drinking problem. Just another example of an alcoholic looking for someone else to solve their problems. I feel that what he is doing is a horrible thing to do to the doctor. He told the doctor that he had been in rehab in August (had to tell him b/c he knew that insurance knew about it and also it's in our general practicioner's files) but that he has been sober for 6 months! I don't know what to do. I know that this is the codie in me wanting to fix this, but I feel that his life is potentially at risk and this is something the doctor should know about.

Thanks,
Laurie

zoe

By all means talk to the doctor about your concerns. If your Ah gets angry that is just a chance you will have to be willing to take. What will happen if you say nothing? What will happen if you do say something? You have to go with what you feel. I for one do not feel as though this is codie behaviour. The A cannot always make the best decision as we all know and most of the time we have to leave it at that and let them reap what they sow. I don't think that this is one of those instances where we can just sit and watch.

ahcb

Jal,

Talk to the doctor.

minnie

Laurie

What a situation to be in. I don't envy you, hon.

If I were in your situation, I know that I would tell the doctor. However, in theory, his life is his life and if he wants to put it at risk, then that's his choice. What does he say about the risk?

Aagghh! I don't know what else to say! I hope you will get lots of replies on this.

Take care

Love

Minnie
xxx

drgnfly30

I may be wrong on this but I would guarantee that before that type of surgery they are going to run a battery of tests.... Depending on how much/often he drinks they will probably either be able to tell that something is up or be too concerned over some of the results & post-pone it until they are more normal....My AH's Dr. runs tests every 3 months, she's no fool...
Christine

walkingtheline

The good news is the only life he'd put in jeopardy is his own.

The bad news? Can you live with the feelings if you are silent?

One, I agree, I doubt if his doctor is a dummy. I'm betting there's a battery of tests and they'll pick up on things.

Two, most doctors prior to a surgery speak with the spouse and asks if you have questions...it would be your opportunity to say, I'm concerned about his use of alcohol and wonder how that may effect this surgery.

I would wait and watch...if it gets close to the surgery and you're still not convinced his doc knows the truth, well, by then with much thought and prayer you'll have made your decision.

jalacola

How can I let the doctor know without the A knowing that I said something? You are right, they are going to run a LOT of tests (psych eval, cardiology, blood work, etc). How much does he drink? Not sure. We are separated right now so I assume (I know...) that it is daily. I would bet anything that it is AT LEAST every other day, probably closer to 5 times a week. I can tell if he has been drinking when he calls me and he almost ALWAYS calls when he is drunk. Monday night, I know he did. Last night, I would bet $$. He left the paperwork for the doctor at my house (b/c that's where they mailed it) and I couldn't reach him. His cell phone was dead and I knew that he needed it so I took it by his apartment. He took about 3 minutes to answer the door (probably hiding the evidence) and was very grateful that I brought it by, but then quickly rushed the kids and me out the door. We were there less than 2 minutes when he started saying, "Okay, y'all go home now." I feel that he was nervous that if we stayed any longer we would see something that he didn't have time to hide. You are right. I feel that the bloodwork will show something. I feel that before the bloodwork, he will probably try to abstain for 3-4 days. But, b/c of withdrawals, his liver enzymes will be out of whack and his blood pressure will be sky-high (that's what it did in rehab). I think I might "anonomously" call the surgeon's office tomorrow and ask what happens if they have an alcoholic go through surgery and how they can tell that they are lying about being sober. I don't know what else to do.

Minnie, you asked what my AH says about the risk. Well, he tries to convince me that he is going to really stop before the surgery. Note: I said "tries" to convince me. He can't. He's an alcoholic!!! He has never stopped on his own. And when withdrawal sets in, he's back in the bottle. So my only guess is that he will be going through withdrawals at the time of surgery. Which could kill him. He says that it doesn't matter if I don't see this as a solution to everything; he does. He sees it as a chance to start his life over and he absolutely will not make the same mistakes again. Does he actually think he is in control??? His addiction is! I am so torn over this.

newbeginings

My daughter had gastric bypass surgery. The doctors (and I) did not know how much drinking she was doing. Once she had the surgery, that all changed. Her body does not process alcohol the way a normal stomach would. Plus she replaced her food addiction with even more alcohol. The situation is terrible and definitely life-threatening. She runs the risk of ulcerating her pouch every time she goes on a binge. Just so you know that nothing will improve from the surgery, it will only get worse. Yes, she has lost about 120 pounds, and now she is in danger of dying from alcohol. Sorry I don't have anything positive to tell you.

jalacola

Yes, I have read that an alarming number of patients who undergo gastric bypass surgery become alcoholics. I am not convinced this will solve anything. But trying to reason with an addict is like trying to reason with my tongue that I don't need a Dr. Pepper! lol. Every time I try to bring up the risks of this surgery in relation to his addiction, he doesn't want to hear it. I think he wants to prove to me that this is the solution. I guess I should have him take out more life insurance then, huh?

myselfagain

More life insurance would be a good think. PLEASE TAKE NO OFFENCE.............
If ya want him outta your life and you set for life..................HUM


I feel for ya, go with your gut on this. So what if he's pissed at you for telling the doctor, oh well. Tell him what so many As tell sobers, GET OVER IT!

Zoey

I do not know exactly what happens, but it is very dangerous for anyone to have surgery that is alcoholic. I would call the DR's nurse and say my husband is planning surgery, does the Dr. check if they are free of alcohol long enough befor surgery so there won't be extrax complications from alcOhol in the system.???
The nurse will answer your questions or will have you talk to the Dr.
Even if seperated, and not divorced you have a legal right to do this. My feeling is you should do it. it is very risky surgery anyway.
i believe as the others that the tests will show alcohol, but i would still call.
Depends on the blood tests that the Dr. asks for. If hubby looks sober and doesn't smell the Dr. might not ask for blood alcohol to be checked. but if he reads everything in file he shd know, but again the Dr.'s don't seem to read everything.
Maybe I have had bad dr"s but mine had to be watched and double checked.
I do not think the Nurse or the Dr. will tell him you called in.
Even if you don't call and Dr tells him can't do it due to blood alcohol, he will blame you anyway don't you think. isn't thart what they do. Am so sorry you are worried. Just keep saying. "Don't take any risks, the kids need a Dad." That is if you feel he would be a loss. HUGS and Love

.

drgnfly30

As a side note... I just got a letter from my Ins co... they denied the additional life insurance I tried to take out on AH... the reason? Alcohol abuse, Stress disorder & diabetes... He took one look at the letter & said I'm not diabetic... D-E-N-I-A-L!!

Christine

Aquiana

If it was me I would take the doctor aside and tell them. As much as I agree with my Abf that it's his problem, his life and his decision I'd feel terrible if something happened to him that could have been avoided. I think it's true that the doctor might not look for it if they don't know it's a problem. If it's a good doctor they can tell him it's just a routine thing and he never needs to know you said anything. It would be too bad if he can't have the surgery, but better than him not making it out of it.

JessicaNAJ

I like what walkingtheline had to say.

I just got life insurance on myself. AH wants to get his own. Something I never thought about before, it would cost me $12,000 to bury him. Problem is, he won't call the insurance guy to get his started. It's frustrating knowing you can't make them do anything.... Hopefully he won't die before he gets it....lol

elizabeth1979

I think you have to tell the doctor to at least run tests to check if its safe for him. A side note---I work in the Insurance business and can tell you that any labwork,ie blood, urine, will bring to light the disease. Its virtually impossible to have this disease not surface when going through this process. Also, most states have an incontestability period of 2 years...meaning the insurance company can contest your claim if the insured dies within 2 years of getting the policy. Bottom line, get insurance ASAP and pay the premiums, don't let it lapse and be certain you have an Accidental Death Benefit rider...otherwise, they may not pay in the event of a drunken accident that causes death.
Sorry to wander in thoughts

jalacola

Thanks for your input about the insurance. I was kind of wondering if he could even GET more insurance. He called me last night at 10:45 drunk as a skunk. Denies it this morning. Whatever. What he is going to do is keep putting off quitting until "tomorrow," kind of like the "I'll start tomorrow" diet line. My concern is that he will do this until a week before the surgery and then not drink and throw himself into withdrawals. I think I am going to call the doctor today. I just don't know what else to do. And you know, I HATE that he thinks this is going to solve anything. Even if he does have the surgery and lose the weight, he will still be an alcoholic that hasn't coped with his problem. Things won't change.

cwohio

jalacola - i think you are making a wise decision. and you are right - he's fooling only himself! peace to you today - chris