TinyVoice

I guess it hit me last night. I worked at a school function. I know that the grass is always greener. But I just looked at all the other women I was working with. And first, let me just say there are SOOOO many people who are just not very nice, good humans. (ok...that's another thread LOL). But after the event, everyone was talking about Super Bowl plans, getting together to watch Survivor. Families getting together. And they all knew each other's kids, and had ridden to the event together. I am divorced. My kids were at their dad's. I have just broken up with my ABF. I came to teh event by myself. So i felt very alone. I hadn't eaten all day, so on my way home, I stopped by a restaurant and got dinner. Had to sit alone in the bar while I waited on my meal. Came home, ate my dinner alone in front of the PC. I feel pathetic.

I guess my point is that I just SOOO suck at ALL telationships. My romantic relationships are the worst. But I have NO friends. No circle of people to call "my friends". I felt like such a loser. I guess I don't attract friends. Don't know how to have friends. I can't figure out why that is. And the few friends I have are LOSERS as well. Major issues....so much so that I avoid them. So then I am right back to NO friends. I'm not picky about people. But I think I isolate myself on purppose or I just don't know how to make friends.

I don't knwo. Can anyone help me figure out what I am saying? I've lived here 5 years now and still no friends. I'm very lonely. My family lives 2 hours away. I'm on my own for the first time in 17 years. I just got over a relationship wtih an A which really knocked my self esteem back a few notches. I am just ready to live a "normal" life but I don't know how to get there. I'm a veyr intelligent, fun, nice person. Why don't I have any freinds??

Gabe

(((TinyVoice)))
Sometimes the only way to develop a new, and healthier circle of friends is to get out there and get involved in things.
Last night was a start.
What are you interested in? See if there are any adult education classes you could take on the subject.
Investigate the community events in your town and go to one.
I know it's hard doing things on your own, but eventually you will gravitate towards people with similar interests as you.
More hugs,
Gabe

JessicaNAJ

Tiny - I hate going to my kids school functions. All the parents there look so happy in their perfect little lives. BUT, while I was learning to deal with resentment I learned to NOT look at them and what they "seem" to have, but to look at myself and what I do have. Now I go and when i start feeling that way I ask myself, "How many of them can say they bought their own house?" I'm starting to really love my accomplishments.

I have two good friends that I can count on for everything. They mean the world to me. I barely ever seen them, but I can call them anytime.

When I feel lonely, I feel sorry for myself, curl up on the couch with a book or a movie, and when my kids get home, I hug them so tight.....I know I'm not alone.

I'm sorry your feeling lonely, but remember - your not alone b/c you always have your kids.

JessicaNAJ

One more thing..

You are not a loser. For so you long you have been caught up in the drama of being with an A. That was your center. Now you have to find your new center - YOU.

perceptron

Try building your social interest/compassion with altruistic activities like volunteering for the homeless. You'll see a humble side of people (both in the volunteers and homeless themselves) that may knock your cynicism back a few notches. Also, this may cause a spike in self-esteem for you. And it looks good on resumes, certain applications (like educational grants.)

escape artist

tiny - i recognize that too. i used to have lots of friends but now it's like Where are all my friends? and i realize i have shut them out of my life- kind of like the shame part of living w/ the A. shame and denial.

well, al-anon is where i am relearning how to be a friend and have a friend who is not a drunk!!! and i especially can relax with them becoz they know my deep dark secrets and it's ok!
then after having my attitude readjusted-i'm still working on it though- it seems that i am better able to attract friendships- maybe i'm more relaxed or less hostile or i don't know- but i am sure it has to do with the steps and al-anon helping me.