Let me ask you a ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: a state of unrest
Posts: 383
Let me ask you a ?
As you get better and start realizing there are things YOU like to listen to or do or read or watch or whatever, does your ah make fun of it and try and make you feel like an idiot because you like something he doesn't?
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Not just A's but I think any person with a low self esteem that may watch us take on new adventures.
There are 2 TVs in my house for a reason *LOL*
I have my corner of the room (my quiet space) where I can go and do as I please. Others can join me if they like. My space, my time, my visions... then their is our space, our time and our visions.
There are 2 TVs in my house for a reason *LOL*
I have my corner of the room (my quiet space) where I can go and do as I please. Others can join me if they like. My space, my time, my visions... then their is our space, our time and our visions.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hmmmm....
Dino was always very supportive of anything I did that made me feel better and quit yelling. Except one. This site. I tried to get him to participate here when I first joined because I thought it would help him.
He did make a small stab at it, but mostly he read the anon pages to see what I was saying about him. He went from tolerant to caustic to belittling to derisive with unpredictable speed. It didn't threaten him for me to have lunch with my girlfriends more often. This threatened him. I can see why... there's a whole lot of "he's the heel" and "run for the hills" in here some days. 
But he came to see that there's also a lot of "look at yourself" and "take it day by day" in here, too. He didn't see that at first because he was too busy panicking about the other stuff.
Do you think your husband might be feeling rejected by your choices? Like his preferences are devalued because you don't share them? If your side of the street is clean and you're not turning your nose up at what he likes, then I would imagine he'll get used to you having a mind of your own.
Dino loves karaoke. I don't. I don't like watching it and I don't like being in bars, and isn't it always in bars? There isn't anything wrong with Dino liking karaoke, as long as I don't have to go. However, I realized I was making a face whenever he suggested it. A face that said "What a dumb idea and how insulted I am that you even had the nerve to mutter it out loud." I still don't want to go karaoke. However, I have learned not to make that face even when I resolutely declare that I don't care to go. I was putting him down. Without words, but I was putting him down. Why did I do that? Because I felt threatened. I was defending myself from a miserable evening that I was terrified he would find some way to push me into.
Bet'cher husband feels threatened. Bet it gets less when he realizes you're happier.
Hugs!
Smoke
Dino was always very supportive of anything I did that made me feel better and quit yelling. Except one. This site. I tried to get him to participate here when I first joined because I thought it would help him.
He did make a small stab at it, but mostly he read the anon pages to see what I was saying about him. He went from tolerant to caustic to belittling to derisive with unpredictable speed. It didn't threaten him for me to have lunch with my girlfriends more often. This threatened him. I can see why... there's a whole lot of "he's the heel" and "run for the hills" in here some days. But he came to see that there's also a lot of "look at yourself" and "take it day by day" in here, too. He didn't see that at first because he was too busy panicking about the other stuff.Do you think your husband might be feeling rejected by your choices? Like his preferences are devalued because you don't share them? If your side of the street is clean and you're not turning your nose up at what he likes, then I would imagine he'll get used to you having a mind of your own.
Dino loves karaoke. I don't. I don't like watching it and I don't like being in bars, and isn't it always in bars? There isn't anything wrong with Dino liking karaoke, as long as I don't have to go. However, I realized I was making a face whenever he suggested it. A face that said "What a dumb idea and how insulted I am that you even had the nerve to mutter it out loud." I still don't want to go karaoke. However, I have learned not to make that face even when I resolutely declare that I don't care to go. I was putting him down. Without words, but I was putting him down. Why did I do that? Because I felt threatened. I was defending myself from a miserable evening that I was terrified he would find some way to push me into.
Bet'cher husband feels threatened. Bet it gets less when he realizes you're happier.
Hugs!
Smoke
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