ellima01

Hi all- I haven't been here in a couple of weeks!
My AH is back to drinking every night (BIG surprise). As some of you already know from my posts, my AH is a musician- and a good one I mght add- anyway, I call him tonight and he is at a bar, he knows I feel he should not be in those places (married peeople do not belong in bars) He says it is "open mike" night there and he only went there to sing. I do support his music- but come on now-- he's an alcoholic in a bar!!!
How do I support his passion for music and feel this way about him being in one of the only places he can sing!
Ellima01

TinyVoice

So he was in recovery, not drinking, trying to get sober and now he's drinking again?? He told you all this? Is he going to meetings? Does he have a sponsor? Was he trying to sober up on his own? He's like me, saying I want to lose weight so I don't have a heart attacke (I'm way overweight) then buying candy and storing it in my cupboard.

And your post just wanted to make me say the following no matter how tacky. I'm sorry in advance!!

yeah, yeah, yeah...singing. And I also bought my ASO's excuse that if I had walked a mile in his shoes then I could judge him. IF I had spent XX years in the Marine Corps then I would drink too. Well here's the thing....

1. I'm not judging. I'm just making decisions about MY life. I don't want a half cooked brain in bed beside me, or worse, driving the vehicle my children are riding in. PLain and simple. I don't want to watch my savings fly out the window for bail money and attorneys.

2. I was proud of his military career and him using it as an excuse ruined it. Ruined his career, ruined his reputation, ruined the memories, the patriotism.

Last time I checked.....there was singing in church, the shower, recording studios, schools. There are a million and one excuses.

Live

ooooooo-la-la

um. ditto.

JessicaNAJ

My AH is also a musician. He plays guitar and base...he's really good. He hasn't played for about a year now (I think that's because he associates it with his drinking~who knows).

Anyway, I've always told him I didn't want him to quit playing, just quit drinking. He said both go hand in hand. It's not the same if you not drinking. I thought it was an excuse and I actually bought into it and allowed it to continue.

Him and his friend played a few times a week in our garage. He had all his equipment and a mic (he was the singer).

In MY experience, no matter what kind of support I gave him, when I asked him to stop (which we all know don't work) he manipulated me until he got his way and I was "OK" with the situation. I even let them bring drums into my house once a week, what was I thinking?!?

Now he hangs out at the bar and don't play - so what is his real passion?

Keep your eyes open.

Sorry I couldn't give you more positive advice - remember this is how MY situation was.

Dee at Mt Bully

Music bar--or wife and future--If he is an A he needs to get out of the bar and
as an alcoholic it is very unlikely he is going to be "discovered" in a bar. As long as he's drinking he has know future and he's putting yours on hold also. I don't see how you can support music in a bar. Just thinking outloud--Smiles--Dee