gonzo

Last night was 4 weeks for me with out a drink.
I felt good. I went to a crab feast and drank a few Mike's hard lemonade.
I had a good time. Didn't get drunk.
Why don't i feel bad? (denial?) Do I lose my privileges here?
Did I waste the last four weeks? I dont think so.
Maybe it was a test.....
????????
Cindy

2dayzmuse

I did that early in my sobriety. Went out, had a few drinks and a good time. I thought, "whats the big deal"? "I'm not out of control". Controlled drinking became a notion that I thought I could handle. I think you know the rest of this strory...it wasn't long before my drinking was out of control and chaos ensued. I wish you luck and hope you can handle a few, most of us can not. You don't have to feel guilty or lose any privileges. 4 weeks is still 4 weeks sober. It beats the alternative. Just beware of where this may lead you. Alcohol is cunning, baffeling and powerful. It messes with out heads and takes control. Best wishes, but becareful...

gonzo

I see, admitting i had a problem was the first step, but i still thimk I'm in control, Right?
It must seem pretty typical.
Don't believe everything you think.
I like that quote.
seems appropriate, thanks

kckman

Talia, That sounds like me too. I is funny when I did that kind of experimention I did not feel guilty either. I aint buyin into that kinda thinkin nomo. For me that is a 1 way ticket to hell.

sickk&tired

Isn't it amazing how identical our stories are? Gonzo, I too went out once after a few weeks sober under my belt. I had a couple glasses of wine that night and thought: "see, i CAN drink normally!". I drank "normally" for another week or so, then was back to my same old ways.

One thing that always keeps me in check is the realization that people who really can drink normally never have to tell themselves that.

And what keeps me sane is knowing that we are all always welcome here!!

findingout

Good point. Said another way, normal people don't have to try to control their drinking. I'm starting to believe that once a person gets to the point where they have to try to control their drinking they might as well throw in the towel. I know it would have save me 20 odd years of making the same mistake over and over and expecting different results.

One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless

Moontime

Like it was said to me, Recovery is for people who want it, not need it. My story was very much like your story. Fast foward 3 years later and I was a full blown junkie. I'm not saying you will go there, I just had to share I felt the same way you do at one point.

zoe

My h has been an A for most of his life, starting with drugs and alcohol at 9 yrs of age. We have known each other for the better part of 30 yrs and been married for 15.He just recently stated that he is not an alcoholic(diagnossed at 24+rehab)and does not feel that a couple of beers every few months will hurt anything. Is it possible that he can do this? He has been on this road for about a year this time. All the other times it has gone back into full blown addiction. Is it possible that his maturity (almost 40) has a factor in addiction?
Was he miss diagnossed? Am I dilussional?

CAPTAINZING2000

There's An Expression " Play With Fire Long Enough And You'll Get Burnt"

Any One In Aa Can Tell You About The Reading Of More About Alcoholism. We Try And Figure Out How To Drink Any Way We Can. We Switch Drinks, We Try And Limit The Number Of Drinks, We Make Vows Not To Drink While Working, The List Goes On And On.

Most Of Us Didn't Get Into Trouble Every Time We Drank. The Problem Is, It Got Worse The Longer Most Of Us Drank. The Booze Isn't The Problem We're The Problem. I Heard A Speaker Say The Other Night " I Didn't Steal And Cheat Because I Drank I Drank Because I Cheated And Stole" .
One Drink Is Too Many And A Thousands Not Enough.

Stop And Think, A Cigarette Isn't Going To Kill You Either. Look What Happens To Peoples Lungs After Years And Years Of Smoking. You Have Cancer And Heart Attacks Wrinkled Faces Etc.
Alcohol Is The Biggest Thief There Is It Robe You Of Your Money, Your Time And Everything You Hold Dear In Your Life

One Last Thing We Use The Word Yet A Lot In Aa. Your Eligble To I Didn't Get It At First. It Gets Worse And Never Better.

kimberwing

I went for months without a drink or drug and last week - boom! It started with a couple bloody mary's during a weekend casino trip with DH to swigging vodka out of the bottle at 5AM a couple of days later.

For me, I know I cannot dabble in drink or drugs (and I truly prefer the numbness of pain killers to any booze, but hell - it's all the same). And even though I'm starting sobriety over for the umteenth time, I realize that it's never too late to begin again. I just remember that the solution to falling down is hop back on my feet, saying lots of prayers, and never giving up.

PS I didn't feel guilty over the bloody mary's either because I was so under contol LOL.

gonzo

Chris,
I don't understand.....
Am i mis-reading? I don't know, I should know better...
Did i ever mention that I was an addict? I used coke/speed/crank. I stopped close to nine years ago.
That's when i hit my bottom. Eviction, almost lost my kids. My boyfriend and I were homeless. But thanks to the support of a few people, I was able to seperate myself from that life. Then I went to work rebuilding. I moved back to town, got a couple part time jobs till I found full time w/benefits.
Then when my boss and co-workers wanted to go out once /twice/almost every night after work I went from wine to stiff drinks over a year and a half.
Everyone tells me how proud of myself i should be for over coming the drugs and homelessness......by the way my boyfriend hung himself three years ago.
We weren't together anymore. But I still feel like I let him down.....

Wow, am i off the subject , or what?
well thanks for this forum. I want to continue to improve.

CAPTAINZING2000

Cindy,,
take a hard look at when you have trouble. Everytime my but was in a sling alcohol and drugs were there. Bingo!!!!!!! MR. MARIJUANA AND BUD WEISER R NOT MY FRIENDS

I KEEP PLAYING THE TAPE OVER IN MY HEAD. I DRINK I GET DRUNK I GET INTO TROUBLE. HOW ABOUT THIS I DRINK AND I LOSE THINGS CAR, JOBS SPOUSES.!!!!!! IS THERE A CONNECTION I THINK SO.

2dayzmuse

Every morning when I awoke, I vowed I wouldn't drink that day, until I changed my mind. I always found an excuse to drink. Be it good or bad. Tomorrow when I awake, I won't wrestle with the notion of drinking. I know I'm powerless over alcohol. To drink would be the death of me. I choose abstinence. I choose to live.

bruno123

Hey..guilt..?..why? nevermind..I don't think you should feel guilty..I started to say "be careful"...I don't think being careful applies to alchies or addicts..I dunno..I've been the homeless route me own self..and I must be stubborn cuz I went way past the being able to have a few every now and then...man, I wouldn't even consider it a problem-no matter the consequences-if I could get away with a few I'd still be doing it..no doubt at all 'bout that..I've had to prove it to myself(lost track on #'s)..too many times..nope..I can't even have one...guilty? maybe you should feel grateful...it hasn't gotten as bad as it can yet....
oh and Chris....did I leave my boa and thong in your closet..how are my kids..?
Love you, Bruce

gonzo

My brother told me that changing from one substance to another is like changing seats on the titanic.... I guess either way your going down.......
Thanks for the real speak.....
Cindy