queenofthehwy

Well last night the AH finally realized something was up, you see for the last week I have detached and it has been great for me, apparently he didn't feel the same. I was reading to the kids, he came in and said he needed to talk to me ew I was so nervous. He said blah blah, I'm trying to quit, I said blah blah you need help, the kids and I are going to counceling and I think you should go with us he said he would!!!!! I about died he has been such a jerk about me going and he actually said he would go!!!

I am absolutley not getting my hopes up, I have decided I will go and see what happens. I'm thinking that if all doesn't go well I will give it 6 months then I'm done!!! Do I tell him that or just keep it to myself?? I think if I tell him he will manipulate me someway or another. What do you guys think?


Mindi

Live

Actions speak louder than words. Just keep taking care of yourself and your beautiful children.

JessicaNAJ

Ditto to what Live said.....It's all about you and the kids.

I never was good at putting a time limit on something. I'm curious to see what others say as well.

minnie

Queen

I had threatened to leave loads of times, but never went through with it. We went to counselling for a couple of months and I, in particular, got a lot out of it. I knew this was the last chance - I don't know whether he did or not. I don't think he would have grasped that fact. Just something else to deny to himself, I guess.

I had a timescale in my head, but in the end I ran out of chances before that time came. You'll know when the time is right. Have an openmind, but have your plan. You may not have to use it, but you'll be glad of it if you do.

My advice would be to keep it to yourself at the moment. It may well come out with the counsellor and I found it was always best to save those difficult conversations for the sessions. That way I had a "witness", if you like. I was fed up of trying to fight the manipulation on my own.

Good luck - I hope this is a bright new start for you both.

Love

Minnie
xxx

Rose56

Queen, I agree with the gang. Keep your time limit to yourself. I often threatened to leave and all sorts of things I never followed through on and this damaged our chances I think. Focus on yourself and your goals for the next six months. It is hard to predict when we will feel ready to make a difficult choice. I am glad that you are not counting on his participation in counseling to resolve the situation. However, there is always hope that the situation will improve. Hang i there.

gutfull

So many times I threatend to leave but never went through with it...it seemed like he knew that I wouldn't leave so he would wait til things calmed down and then right back to the drinking. I would just keep it to yourself and you will know when the time is right! I never thought I would actually leave but I did. One morning I woke up and walked out to get into my car to go to work and it had been wrecked by my AH...whom was passed out in bed and didn't even know he had wrecked it! Thank god my kids wasn't with him. From that moment on my whole attitude changed it was like someone had hit me and woke me up to the fact of what was actually going on in my life and that my husband was an alcoholic and it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could do to change it but take care of myself and my kids...it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and still is...I struggle every day with it because I love him so much that I want to help him but can't!
Anyways keep your chin up and things will fall in to place.