Dunitall

Hi everyone

I've spent some time working through my moral inventory for step 4. It's been one of the hardest but most valuable undertakings I've ever completed (well almost completed).

I would like to share this with someone very close to me for the purposes of step 5. I just think that having put so much emotional effort into understanding the behaviours and character defects which have led me to alcoholism, that a person who knows me well might gain a greater understanding.

Any thoughts would be welcomed.

Thanks.

Rich

3legacy

((((((((Dunitall))))))))))
I found that sharing it with my Sponsor, another alcoholic, was obviously a good idea. He was someone who knew me well by the time I had completed my 4th Step with his assistance and having answered so many of my questions. At times, I think he knew me better than I knew myself. Of course, part of the reason I selected him to hear it was that he saw me on a regular basis in quite a few venues. I was then much more apt to follow up on his suggestions and he could help me be accountable. It also helped him in rolling my 4th Step into my 8th Step before doubling my efforts down the road.

Care to chat live time about it more thoroughly?

(((((((Rich)))))))
3 Legacy

nutz

I belive step 5 is so that I myself can get a better understanding.
To keep an openmind. When I share with another person.
I might see things that I havn't seen before, also when another
person hears it, they might see things from a differnt piont of view
that I could never see myself no matter how much I try.
Working with a sponor will help. My sponsor will remind me on some of
these defects or subconcoius things that I do.
Being aware of them is a start, but breaking old habits is something
else. Especailly if I wasn't aware I was doing them.
It didn't happened overnight , I imagine it won't go away overnight.

It's also to help gain or practice more courage to face more fears.
It will also prepare me for the next step.
To open all of me to another human-being. Will also teach me
how to have a relationship with a human-being. And learn how to
gain trust from another human-being. Of course each step is
to a process of trusting our higher power more and more.

If I share my 4 step with my other half. The stuff in my inventory
might hurt them or it might just be another issue that will drive a
wegg into the relationship or a tool my other half will use against
me when we're having a disagreement. Hearing it from my sponor
is a reminder. Hearing it from my other half...well she's just being B***tch.
Also my inventory is not all bad. But if my other half is mad or still
hold a resentments, she would be quit to piont out all of my wrongs
but would never reconize my goods. More shame and guilt
to drive me back to the bottles again. She wouldn't be saying
"Oh honey, how silly of u to do stuff like that, try to do better,
let go and trun it over the next time ,oki doki"

step 6
From my personnal experience. I have to treat my defects
as I've treated my alcoholism , as in step 1. I'm powerless over them.
Actually my alcoholism is just one of my many defects.
Would a person that havn't worked the steps or is an alki
understand or comprehend this ?

jlo34

Rich,

About a month ago, I just completed the most honest and thorough 4th step I have ever done. I was ready, ready to have all this crap removed, ready (though I didn't feel it) to share it with another human being (I knew God already knew), and to hit step 6 hard, thoroughly, and honestly. I wrote down every little piddly thing I could think of and wrote down every major life-changing event and was able to see quite the pattern as I wrote both the major and piddle stuff down. Things I felt were probably insignificant, in and of themselves, I found to be "habits" I continue to do...and getting to the "exact nature", ouch. I have never been so willing (or in so much pain) as I was doing this last 4th/5th step. I have NEVER revealed so much of myself to anyone. I have a sponsor that I chose because she's a lot like me; well, I found that after doing a 5th step with her, I wasn't totally cleansed because the MAJOR stuff, she couldn't relate with. I begrudgingly asked God for guidance to find freedom from this stuff; and I asked a woman I have balked at for all my sobriety to be my co-sponsor. I shared with her my misgivings of why I've never asked her to be my sponsor; she requires work be done, something I've never been REAL willing to do (unless I'm in a horrendous amount of pain). I surrendered, I shared those major issues with her - it was gone...I mean the pain, suffering, blame, every negative emotion I've ever used to hide behind; it was gone. When I was done, I again prayed diligently to my Higher Power, wrapping up step 6, and the relief hit; not like a lightning bolt; subtly over a day or so though - those self-sabotage/self-destructive feelings and thoughts were gone. It was so exciting to know that I had done a true 4/5/6 step!! The line in the 12&12 for step 6 has always gotten me over the years; "This is the step that separates the men from the boys..". This time, I didn't think about or worry about that. I was ready; I had to fully surrender my character defects to Him - gone. Since, I have felt an overwhelming peace and serenity.

Works differently for everyone; bring it up as a topic and you will see. Those things aren't haunting me today though; like they were. They are not consuming my soul, and as my second sponsor says, I'm finding my good. I love AA, the 12 steps and am looking forward to hitting the tradition tables beginning Tuesday. I have found that going to step and tradition tables and Big Book studies have given me a much better insight into our program, the founding principles, and the things that make us (me) tick. I appreciate hearing others wisdom and oopsies. I have the opportunity to learn, and that's what this program is about; learning a new way of life.
Good luck to you Rich, pray about it; you'll get your answer, I know I did mine.
God bless and love,
Jen

Dunitall

Thanks for all your replies.

This is really helpful for me as it's my first step 4/5/6. it has been so difficult and full of hurt doing this and now I'm almost done, I want to share it. I will speak to my sponsor tonight and see what he thinks.

You guys are so much appreciated.

Thanks again.

Rich

Music

Hi Dunit,
I've always done my fifth step with my sponsor and I like to have the guys I sponsor do there's with me. Why? When a person does a fifth with his sponsor, the sponsor gets to know him a little better. Better than anyone else. Now the sponsor knows who he's dealing with. Also, the sponsor is able to share himself with his pigeon through this process. The relationship usually becomes closer and more personal.

I was told early on that I can share anything with anyone. Of course, there are things that are of such a personal nature that I don't blab them out at an AA meeting because I know there are people who just can't keep their mouths shut. But, there are things I can share and the more I share, the less these things weigh on me. My load gets lighter.

So, you asked for advice. That's mine for what it's worth. It goes without saying though that the step should be done and as soon as possible. We can't move forward until each step is dealt with.

Dunitall

Music

Thanks for this. I love the way you "Tell it as it is".

Although I haven't shared yet, I have to say that just the process of taking inventory has been a real eye opener for me. Oh for the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. Having said that, I believe that I'm here today for a reason which at some stage my HP will guide me through.

So today I'm happy, I'm sober and already I feel some of the weight off my shoulder.

Thanks.

Rich

Music

That's "How It Works" Rich. An old fart like myself is privileged to sit down with someone like you and listen and share. It helps both parties. So, if you have a sponsor, do him a favor and help him by sharing your fifth with him. IMO the greatest sign of love and trust is disclosing secrets to each other. The end result is continued sobriety and the gift of the promises coming true.

3legacy

So True Music
It was not until I sat down and not only shared mine with Ken S but also listened to anothers 5th that I really felt like I belonged. It's like anything involved in sponsorship or AA, I seem to get more than I could ever possibly give.

NoMoBeer

I found it to be a great interaction with my sponsor. We did a 5th step with what I had, and I am still working on fear, sex etc. inventories.

I was dragging my butt, so my sponsor said 'we're getting together Sunday to go over your inventory, bring whatever you've got.' As I said, it was great talking through everything, it always brings up more stuff for each person as well, so both parties get to 'clean house.'

Ken

3legacy

((((((((Ken))))))))
Great to hear you keep moving forward. I'm sponsoring a person with 20+ years who has suffered greatly from depression over most of those years. It appears, to the both of us, that years of just not drinking and fellowshipping alone doesn't necessarily cut it. I'm grateful I was asked to be a full Circle & Triangle Sponsor once again. I'm now finding another wonderful friend, as together, we walk through the process.

3 Legacy

NoMoBeer

..."normally we are people who would not mix..."