frannie

Hello, I read the posts often but have not written one myself in a long time. I am the one with the 24 year old pill addict daughter. She has been to rehab, DUI and a week in jail. I have cried oceans of useless tears. She is an only child and she has always been the absolute center of my world. The first time she asked to go to rehab because she admitted she had a problem, I had a total break down...I had no idea she even had a problem. I cried for months. She came in 3 nights ago and announced to her father and I that she needed to go back to rehab because she was an alcoholic and addicted to Xanax again...taking as many as 8 mg a day, and she is drinking secretly everyday...usually vodka. Had a job, quit the day before she told us she needed rehab. She has no insurance and the average costs of rehab around her is $15,000. We will have to take out a second mortgage on our home. I am 55 with an artificial heart valve, I teach school, her father is with the local college (still in the underpaid education field) and is 62 years old. We do not have the money and after her first rehab she was clean about 2 weeks after she got home. She had insurance then and it only cost us $1,600 to get in the door. She wants to go back to the same rehab...because she feels comfortable there and knows the counselors I am sure. Her father and I are not firm believers in how much she was helped the first time and are loathe to take out a second mortgage. Of course she has done all the standard things addicts do to parents...stolen from us, wrecked cars, lied constantly, hidden her addictive behaviors while acting totally crazy and scaring us to death. This time my reaction to her cry for rehab has been very different...I am not crying...I think that my closest description of how I feel is angry. She is the one making all the bad decisions...not me...and I am through paying for them. There is one rehab program, church based (as much Bible study as drug counseling) with programs all around the country....most very far away from where we live. Program is about 90 days or longer...as long as they need. Donations only. Far, far, from where we live would probably be her placement. She is so attached and dependent on home and parent support, that she refuses to even consider going very far away. I don't know what to do. She wants to change, she says, but then today she said she had some vodka to drink...said she has bottles hidden all over the house. Said she drinks everyday. Detoxing from Xanax is very dangerous and needs to be done under medical supervision. Don't know what to do. But am mad as hell at the whole situation. Am I being the cruel mother. I am the mother that has just about had it and just about ready to give up and make her get out.
Help, please. I do not know what to do or what I am doing.

Gabe

Hey there Frannie,
There is no reason that you and your husband should go into debt to finance her rehab. As you said, she has the church based rehab available to her. You're not being cruel saying that you won't finance another $15, 000.00 round of rehab, you're being realistic.
Her addiction is hers.
Her recovery is hers.
Hugs,
Gabe

Ann

Frannie

This is entirely up to her to fix. The Salvation Army has free rehabs all over the country, and you already know some others, so if these just don't quite "suit" her right now, then that confirms that your money is better saved for your own needs.

If she wants recovery, she will find it. It's that simple. Nothing you do or don't do will change that.

So, hang on to us here, know you are doing the right thing, and we'll all say a prayer for your daughter.

Hugs
Ann

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Frannie.

I thought about you a lot last week. The store I've been working in has this line of stuffed toys called "Frannie and Friends". Cute cats wearing mufflers and mittens. I discovered that they made a set of Christmas ornaments that included all five cats, and I had to check every day to see if they'd put them on clearance yet. LOL

If Ann hadn't said Salvation Army, I would have. But it's not even your responsibility to find out what free options are out there for your daughter. It's hers. And you are right. You are being asked to pay for her bad decisions. Enough already. We'll be here to hold your hand while you struggle with the inevitable guilt.

Hugs,
Smoke

jojo

Frannie -

I'm sorry that you are still having to go through this but I am so proud of you for recognizing that it is not up to you and your husband to finance rehab for your daughter again. If she truly wants help she will go wherever she can and be grateful for it. I know how hard this is for you but you've come a long way. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Hugs, Jo