now he's gone

Old 07-16-2002, 09:52 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2002
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Unhappy now he's gone

Hi Everyone, even though I haven't posted in a long time I've been lurking and trying to deal with my H, the alcoholic, and also take care of/entertain our young son, plus house stuff. To make a long story short, he fell off the wagon (and lied about it, of course!!) several years ago and has been thru several detoxes and one 30 day rehab. Of course, the events leading up to the detoxes as well as his immediate post detox home behavior were hell on me and our son. He has had periods of sobriety in between and actually started making changes in areas important to me after the rehab (3 years ago) but last year I could tell he'd been back at it again. Anyway lately he has been progressively aloof/antisocial (didn't even TALK TO his own young son on father's day- stayed away from the house- pissed me off BIG TIME)- but last week he came home totally blitzed- how the hell he drove home from work without killing someone or wrecking his car, I don't know- then of course the verbal abuse started (almost daily). So I warned him that I was thinking of calling a lawyer to see what my options are (who would get the house, etc etc), and as he knows, I also told him he needs help, blah blah blah. He promised to seek help last week for the underlying depression that is triggering all of this drinking. Ok, as of last Friday he had not sought help so I saw a lawyer yesterday but didn't tell him- I was going to wait until he asked what I did all day. I didn't sign anything or start any paper processing; it was simply a consultation. Last night he came home from work, reeking, and started cussing at me over something minor. So, fed up, I told him I saw a lawyer and that he (the H) has 10 days (very reasonable, I think) to START getting help- ie just even a dr visit, or AA or detox by showing up at the ER who's taken him before-- ANYTHING- or I'd file for separation. Well he had a fit and stormed off and last night slept in another room, and this morning went to work (I presume- I didn't call him nor did he call me) and he is still not home. (it's now almost 1 am) I tried him on his cell phone and at work- of course, no answer on either of those. Of course now I am worried that he is dead off the road somewhere, or passed out, etc etc. I refuse to wake our son and drive all over looking for him. I'm so tired of his crap, and not being loved, and being insulted and treated like sh-t when ALL I really want is just a NORMAL, stable family with a H who is involved with the wife and kids. Too much to ask?? I know this post is long but I needed to vent and let go of my worry here. I was hoping to go to bed early tonight to catch up on my sleep but it looks like that isn't gonna happen!! What else should I do?? Thanks, MK PS forgot to mention, his previous wife up and left him years ago after going thru the same thing I'm going thru- so I know he's afraid of another divorce
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Old 07-16-2002, 10:57 PM
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Morning Glory
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Hi MK,

We always have a tendency to think the worst thing happened. We have a lot of M.I.A. and the wives and moms always think of death as the possible reason. So far they have all come back home.

So try not to worry too much. He is probably fine and will show up again.

Try to focus on your program and take care of yourself and your child.

I hope you get some sleep tonight,

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-17-2002, 02:21 AM
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Hi Meredith

I have to agree with MG. Try not to worry too much (I know easier said than done). Try to do some things to take your mind off the situation. My A was MIA for 7 days and I had every scenario go through my head, then he ran out of money and he was home. He is actually doing pretty good (I pray to the Lord it continues). I supposed it was one of his rock bottoms. Anyway, please try to keep the focus on yourself and son. Nothing you can do for your husband.

Know that we are all here for you if you need us.

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
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Old 07-17-2002, 06:51 AM
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Thank you for your replies and for letting me vent- I did manage to finally fall asleep but it was late. Maybe I can nap later! I called his work today and they said he was in today but not in his office. Then I had to take my son somewhere and when I returned, guess what? Found a message on the machine from the A- he got the messages I left on his cell phone, and he will be gone (work related) for a few hours but will call later. At least he's alive and still has his job and he sounded sober. I'm still mulling over whether or not to pursue a separation but for today I don't have to worry about his safety. Everyone take care and have a nice day, Hugs, MK
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Old 07-19-2002, 05:06 PM
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Hi Meridith,

how are you today????

How are things going? I cannot imagine how difficult this is for you. I have so much guilt and reluctance in leaving my b/f, and we're not living together, have no kids....

I am fairly new here, but one thing that is truly touching me is that alcoholism drags on for years and years. Not in all cases, but so often even if they stop drinking, they still are deply troubled....

Thank you for saharing yur story. Please let us know how things are. We care and are here for you,

A/G
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