Karmic

Hello everyone, I thought I'd throw out a question, I am very interested in hearing your experinces.

I'd like to know how making amends to someone you don't care for went, and how did you come to terms with how you felt before you made the amends.

Thanks
Karmic

Time2Surrender

I generally dont post in this section.As a recovering addict/alcoholic I have built up my share of resentments over the years.Most of them were my fault.One thing I try to do when I resent someone is to pray for them everyday.Do this for a couple weeks everyday.Pray for their well being and that God gives them all their hearts desires.This has helped me a lot.For some people it might take longer.I have an ex-girlfriend that I am still struggling to get over my resentments with.But every night I still pray for her.And hopefully someday,I will make my ammends to her.In the mean time I will keep praying.

larry g

Karmic---
Kinda my opinion, but I think an amends is more for us than the party we make the ammends to. Part of our "recovery." By using that thought process, I could almost make amends to the devel itself.

Time2Surrender

I aggree with you on that one Larry.Like me making amends to my ex-friend.I cant ever see her accepting it.

Ann

I agree with Larry, if the amend needs to be made, it doesn't matter whether I like the person or not.

It's about keeping my side of the street clean and how they accept the amend is not important to me, as long as I made the amend sincerely and from my heart.

Hugs
Ann

Chuckles101301

I wonder the same thing....I hold serious resentments for my step-sons mother and I do not see myself ever making direct amends. I have changed how I deal with her and how I let her into my head and for now, I think that is enough. Amends are a tricky thing, but I do try to think whether I will do more damage than good. If you're making the amends to benefit yourself.....as many point out, then you cannot do so selfishly and cause trouble to the person...or it doesn't fulfill the purpose. Are there ever people that you just don't or can't make amends to, where they have directly harmed you without provocation? What offenses would fall into this category? Any thoughts?

gelfling

It's so true that making amends is mostly for your benefit and not the others. This will lighten the burden you are carrying, and hopefully remove the painful feelings and thoughts you have toward them and you can move on.

It winds up being a gift to yourself. If done with honest and openness, the reward is great. Freedom from that particular issue, pain and worry.

Blessings, Kathy

larry g

From what I've come to understand, an amends can also entail a letter, perhaps email, pray for, maybe a gift to charity in their name, etc... For various reasons there are times when direct amends not possible. If it is going to cause you or the other person pain, you just have to give it your best. The thought counts I believe. There should be love in your heart for fellow man. The desire is for our recovery and through our recovery we are more able to encourage positive expression. I don't remember it saying anywhere we have to like the injured party.
I feel in recovery, when we change, others are more apt to change (even addicts in our lives) their response.

An example might be to the deceased. How might we make amends to them? We have all owed amends to someone no longer with us. Cases such as those we have to do our best. Maybe get creative in how we give back.
Just my two cents.........
larry

Dust Bunny

Some of the people I have needed to make amends to are very poisonous personalities and I have chosen to not re-establish contact with them for my own sake. I made ammends by praying for them and trying to remember what I learned from them. In the case of my Mother, she died several years ago. I pray that she has found peace and is looking out for me now. I am grateful that she taught me to sew and showed me by her neglect(for lack of a better word) how important it is to let your loved ones know how much you care for them.

For some of the people, it was a while before I could stop praying for bricks to fall on their heads. :tongue2:

wraybear

Thank you for starting this wonderful post. It is such a good reminder that it is good and healing for us to make amends. It doesn't really matter how the person at the receiving end takes our heartfelt message. By us taking the risk, we will be healed.