planning to Jump off the Merry-go-round

Old 07-15-2002, 07:17 PM
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Lightbulb planning to Jump off the Merry-go-round

Hi Everyone!

I hope everyone is doing well and finding the peace we all deserve.

I am feeling so frustrated. The A keeps spiraling downwards and I don't see him ever coming back up. He goes to his once-a-week-mandatory-alcohol-awareness class then comes home and gets drunk. He acts like a friggin animal. Last night he was so drunk he called 411 and asked for Eddie Van Halen then called back and asked for Sammy Hagar! I have to admit I laughed at that one. When he gets that drunk I go into babysitting mode. I get scared he is going to burn down the house or something like that. He is a friggin safety hazard. Many times I have come home or woken up to a burner on or a frozen pizza blackened in the oven. Last night I tried to get him to go to bed, starting at about 9:30. I telecommute and start work at 6:00am so I am up at 5:00am. I was up with him until 12:45am trying to get him back to bed. He would go lay down (in his another bedroom--no more sleeping next to me!) and then get up because he is "hungry". He did this for over 3 hours! Finally at about 1:00am I shut and locked the door and said the hell with it. It the house burns down the house burns down. I got a great drunk shot of him which I strategically placed next to the coffee maker. When he finally got up this morning to go to work (about 12:30pm actually) he saw it. He looks at me and says "I need help" and left. Well his form of help is the 12 pack stashed in the garage. He came home around 4:30pm and by 6:00pm he was buzzed. He did of course tell me the usual canned response of "I finish what I had". WHATEVER.

Anyway, I am planning my exit here. Of course he doesn't take me seriously since I have told him this a million times. Hopefully next week I will get my year-end bonus (I am in sales) and have enough to get my daughter and I a place and aford to pay half this house payment until my house sells. I daydream all the time of what it will be like to be free and away from this enviroment. I know I will be sad because the A was actually a great guy until he started this 18 month binge. I will miss that person, but I seldom see that person anymore anyway I am pretty much used to it now.

Sorry to vent.

I just sometimes feel so frustrated. He keeps asking me if there is any hope. I told him two things. First I told him I can't answer that since no matter how I answer it he will use it as an excuse to drink-----either 1. there is no hope or 2. there is. If I answered there is he will think he can keep getting away with his behavior.
The I finally told him to ask me when he has had at least 6 months of sobriety and has gotten his &h*t together.

I am not sure if I responded correctly. Any suggestions? Honestly, I am nore sure there is any hope, but you just never know.

Peace!

Jenny
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Old 07-15-2002, 07:27 PM
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Ann
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Hi Jenny

I believe that we do not have to participate in their games or loaded questions. That is part of getting off the roller coaster. It is futile to try to talk to them about anything related to recovery. In the end they do what they want, and will find recovery in their own time (if at all)

This man is truly in danger of hurting himself and anyone in the house with his carelessness and that would be reason enough for me to move out. I Hope you have fire insurance.

It is sad to lose the person we once knew. We live with hope that they will return, but instead they are trapped in an addict's body.

It is good that you have a plan. I can't tell you howor when to take action, only you can decide, but it sounds like you already have, and I know that took strength.

Look after yourself and your daughter first. When you both are safe and in a place that is not in danger, there will be time enough to consider your future options.

Good Luck and God Bless.
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Old 07-16-2002, 05:03 AM
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JT
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Jenny,

It sounds like you are in a good place. Do what you need to do and try to let the rest go. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time. That way things can stay managable.

I could never lay in bed and listen to someone crashing around either and be able to fall asleep...and it leads to sleep deprivation. What to do? Just keep you and your daughter safe and leave the mess for him clean up in the morning or he may never remember what he did. And if you don't throw a fit about it, he is left only to blame himself and not you. That is how I handled that. Most days....after all I am not perfect.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 07-16-2002, 08:22 AM
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Justabout-
Thanks for your post. I was feeling like I did the wrong thing last year not to stick it out with my exa, but your post reminded me of how better things are without him trying to burn the place down. Cigs out of the ashtray or on the couch or on him. The burnt food. Mine always seemed to want to boil eggs. What a mess they are when they explode and burn, oh the smell. I think the best one is that I now know all the exterior doors are locked all night and stay that way when I lock them. Sorry your going through this but you did help someone today. Hope it turns out okay for you. The HP is there for us all. Thanks, Cheryl
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Old 07-16-2002, 06:35 PM
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JT
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Oh my God Cheryl!

The eggs....they blow up!!!! I have cleaned them off the ceiling!!!

And thank you for microwaves! At least they are not really cooking...except when they put something in for 30 min instead of 30 seconds!

Oh the "Misty watercolor memories of the way we were" LOL!

I am in my Barbara mood I guess!!!!


And Constant...you will find that we can have a very perverted sense of humor!! Don't let us scare you! If we can't laugh about it sometimes, what is the alternative?

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Old 07-16-2002, 06:43 PM
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Ann
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I did the eggs thing myself a few years ago - SOBER. I put them on to boil and forgot and went grocery shopping.

Never saw such a stinky mess in all my life.

I would have made a terrible drunk. I am bad enough sober.
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Old 07-16-2002, 07:34 PM
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I hate those eggs...they smell like a bad bathroom : ) Hey Jenny....I know what you are going through...I am leaving too....
I don't have any little children but my adult children had their dad who was an A....and God knows I wish I would had left him years earlier. Now they have to put up with my second A...and believe me it is just as painful. Mine does not cook.........: )...but he is hammered day and night. Enough is enough.. we will get through this!
Love Kitty
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Old 07-17-2002, 07:04 AM
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Last night the A was drinking and called AA. He was on the phone quite a while with them. I had to laugh about that one! Kind of like bringing a cheesecake to a Weight Watchers meeting!
Before that he gave me the ol "I need help" speech! I said "You know what you need to do". He said he was going to start going to meetings and I asked when and he said "I guess tomorrow". I love that "I guess". So non-commital! I said "Why do today what you can put off tomorrow huh?"

Peace!

Jenny
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