Time for me and recovery

Old 07-12-2002, 06:53 PM
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Post Time for me and recovery

I'm not quite sure where to start. My girlfriend and I have had a few on going issues, which some of you know about.
We decided last night that it was time to take a break from each other. This is a huge change from what I would have done in the past. In the past, I would've tried to "fix" everything and make up right away. But the truth is that I need time for myself to look at my own recovery.
What provoked all of this was last night. The plan was for me to come over after my meeting. I told her that we were having a business meeting so I probably wouldn't be over until around 9:30. I took my sponsor's wife home. On my way to my girlfriend's house she called and I told her I was on my way...This was at 9:30. She got really angry and told me to just not come over...We hung up, and talked on the phone when I got home. She said that she was sick of me concentrating on recovery so much, etc etc. That I was just like I was when I was using, because my focus is not totally on her.
I fully agreed that time would be good for us. Now, in the past, after I've gone through, kissed ass, etc etc. I would say "I'm glad we didn't seperate. And her response in the past has been, "Well, I was just testing you."
I feel very comfortable with the decision. It's been painful today, just because I really miss her and my nature of "I want to fix it" is coming out. I'm really conflicted right now becuase I do want the relationship to remain, but not if she is going to continue to be so controlling.
In a nutshell, her and I BOTH have to work on our defects in the relationship. One thing that really sticks out is that we never validate each others feelings. For example, When she feels bad about something or is pissed off, my reaction is pity or just saying "I'm sorry" even if her feelings don't pertain to me. Another example is that the other night I was telling her calmly about how her diet and "craziness" has been affecting me emotionally. Her response was that I was just over worrying and over-sensative. When I do talk to her about how I feel, her responses make me feel like my feelings aren't right...that I shouldn't feel that way and that I'm the one who's messed up. The truth is, we're both equally sick. And ideally I want us both to work together with each other to have a healthy, happy, and supportive relationship. I'm willing to understand what she needs from me...I don't know if she's willing to understand where I'm coming from.

Time will tell I suppose. If the relationship is meant to be, it will.
My sponsor told me, once you get into recovery, one of two things will happen in a relationship; you either grow together, or grow a part. And I feel like her and I are growing apart.

Just for today, I'm grateful to be clean and be able to work through this without using.

Just for today, I'm grateful to have a close relationship with my sponsor and his wife.

Just for today, I will focus on JUST FOR TODAY.
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Old 07-12-2002, 07:02 PM
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Ann
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Hey Matt

The most important thing in your life right now is YOUR recovery, as a matter of fact, your life may depend on it.

Congratulations for recognizing ANYTHING that could jeopardize that.

This girl obviously considers herself more important that your recovery and that should (and probably has) told you everything you need to know about her interest in YOUR well-being. She sounds very self-centred and quite frankly like a spoiled brat, and I hope that, when the time is right, you will find someone who respects what you are doing, and respects you as a person, and respects your recovery. You deserve a girl like that.

Keep up the good work. There will probably be some painful moments to go through, just to get past this ex-girlfriend, but have patience and it will get so much better.

Good Luck and God Bless
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Old 07-12-2002, 07:25 PM
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JT
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This sounds like a real step...a real moment of clarity for you. And the peace you are feeling proves it. I am happy for you!
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Old 07-12-2002, 10:04 PM
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Morning Glory
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I have experienced fast growth spurts when I had to leave a lot behind. Growing apart shows you are growing and that's a good thing.

It is very hard to be with someone that you've grown past. Here's hoping that she grows with you, but if she doesn't, don't look back.

Hugs,

MG
 

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