A sober future
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 120
A sober future
This is the first time I've been sober and properly envisaging a sober future. In the past, however enthusiastic I've been about sobriety, I've always felt this kind of inevitability that I'll drink again. It's like my AV was just having a little rest and in reality I was just having a little dry spell. Kind of like being on a juice diet or something, temporary.
This time, without forcing myself, I think I've finally surrendered. It's like I am standing at a fork in the road, one road is the path that alcohol would take me down whilst the other is the path where sobriety will lead. In a way I think the sober path may well be more challenging, I'll need to confront a lot of things, change and grow as a person, but I think it will lead to my true, authentic self. The drinking road will undoubtedly lead to a life of shame, regret and ultimately death.
I'm 38 and I feel like I've finally taken my first steps down the road of a life of recovery. I'm only 52 days sober but I've realised that drinking does not compliment any of my ambitions or values. I don't want or need the drunken ******** any more. There's so much more to life.
This time, without forcing myself, I think I've finally surrendered. It's like I am standing at a fork in the road, one road is the path that alcohol would take me down whilst the other is the path where sobriety will lead. In a way I think the sober path may well be more challenging, I'll need to confront a lot of things, change and grow as a person, but I think it will lead to my true, authentic self. The drinking road will undoubtedly lead to a life of shame, regret and ultimately death.
I'm 38 and I feel like I've finally taken my first steps down the road of a life of recovery. I'm only 52 days sober but I've realised that drinking does not compliment any of my ambitions or values. I don't want or need the drunken ******** any more. There's so much more to life.
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Join Date: Sep 2023
Posts: 519
Hi Toddy I'm 138 days 2day and would never have believed I'd stop. I really think sub consciously you reach a point when your more ready to stop than you realised. Accept you will have bad days which is normal in life but remind yourself how bad your bad days were before you stopped. Keeping a really positive mind set and looking to new hobbies etc so you have enjoyment in your life has been a huge help for me. It's really exciting to see what your future can achieve without the ties and restrictions of alcohol. It's very much a learning process I've been having to face situations, emotions that triggered me to drink and I am facing them and learning how to cope without alcohol. It's tricky but I'm coming out of this a much more rounded confident person. Everything I used alcohol for ended up being so much more problematic removing alcohol just gives you head space. It's so worth it. Carry on doing what your doing ✨️
Member
Join Date: Nov 2023
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 911
Toddy, you are absolutely amazing! …it’s strange you say that because I have been feeling exactly the same way about things this time too.
Actually proactively building new, sober lives as opposed to just coasting along trying not to drink.
I am so glad you are feeling good and positive! I think approaching sobriety positively makes such a difference. It leaves less wiggle room for the dreaded AV to sneak in.
Let’s keep this going! Enormous hugs to you.
xxx
Actually proactively building new, sober lives as opposed to just coasting along trying not to drink.
I am so glad you are feeling good and positive! I think approaching sobriety positively makes such a difference. It leaves less wiggle room for the dreaded AV to sneak in.
Let’s keep this going! Enormous hugs to you.
xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I think we have all had to come to that realization - that it's leading to ruin and/or an unfulfilled life - before we can permanently quit.
So glad to hear this, Toddy. Wish I had been able to do it at your age but it took two more decades.
Great job!
So glad to hear this, Toddy. Wish I had been able to do it at your age but it took two more decades.
Great job!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,172
At first I just wanted to quit. I wasn't thinking about being free to choose not drinking, joy, or contentment. I just wanted to quit behaving like a pathetic drunk. But once I got a taste of being able to choose not to drink, I found myself enjoying sobriety more than I imagined. Quite soon, I was enjoying sobriety as much as I was enjoying not being drunk. Eventually, the balance scale tipped over to the enjoying sobriety side. Now I'm still grateful to not be a drunk, but my life is more about enjoying sobriety, rather than not being a drunk. It feels like the sweet spot to me, the place I want to be. There's not much to struggle with anymore.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 452
Originally Posted by Toddy 
I think I've finally surrendered. It's like I am standing at a fork in the road, one road is the path that alcohol would take me down whilst the other is the path where sobriety will lead.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,585
Hi Toddy. Congratulations on your 52 sober days - that's wonderful.
I wish I'd only been in my 30's when I reclaimed my life - it's great that you're doing this now.
I tried many times to stop, and the last time I felt different too. That's when I started reading & posting here regularly. After drinking 30 yrs. I did finally get free for good.
I know you can stay on the right path & never return to that misery. I love your attitude - you're doing this.
I wish I'd only been in my 30's when I reclaimed my life - it's great that you're doing this now.
I tried many times to stop, and the last time I felt different too. That's when I started reading & posting here regularly. After drinking 30 yrs. I did finally get free for good.
I know you can stay on the right path & never return to that misery. I love your attitude - you're doing this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Mid-Atlantic states
Posts: 993
Really great post, Toddy. It took me many years to quit, and then to switch my mindset to true sobriety, but it has been far better than I had ever imagined, Alcohol just "takes", it seems.
❤️
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,210
Congratulations on 52 days Toddy. Your experience very much mirrors my own.
I had several intervals of not drinking with the intention of stopping for good but deep down suspecting I would pick up again and sure enough I did.
I also got to the 'fork in the road' feeling and thought 'I am very close to my last chance here, I can carry on like this for a few more years and die a drunk or not.' I think that was enough to give me that extra psychological boost to get myself sober. Like you it was toward the end of month 2 that I realised it felt different. That was 9 years ago now.
I'm not sure if I am more 'authentic' as a sober person but it has given me some self respect which I realised I didn't have when I was drinking. That is more of a big deal than I knew back then.
Good luck Toddy!
I had several intervals of not drinking with the intention of stopping for good but deep down suspecting I would pick up again and sure enough I did.
I also got to the 'fork in the road' feeling and thought 'I am very close to my last chance here, I can carry on like this for a few more years and die a drunk or not.' I think that was enough to give me that extra psychological boost to get myself sober. Like you it was toward the end of month 2 that I realised it felt different. That was 9 years ago now.
I'm not sure if I am more 'authentic' as a sober person but it has given me some self respect which I realised I didn't have when I was drinking. That is more of a big deal than I knew back then.
Good luck Toddy!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by Gymbunny7
Hi Toddy I'm 138 days 2day and would never have believed I'd stop. I really think sub consciously you reach a point when your more ready to stop than you realised. Accept you will have bad days which is normal in life but remind yourself how bad your bad days were before you stopped. Keeping a really positive mind set and looking to new hobbies etc so you have enjoyment in your life has been a huge help for me. It's really exciting to see what your future can achieve without the ties and restrictions of alcohol. It's very much a learning process I've been having to face situations, emotions that triggered me to drink and I am facing them and learning how to cope without alcohol. It's tricky but I'm coming out of this a much more rounded confident person. Everything I used alcohol for ended up being so much more problematic removing alcohol just gives you head space. It's so worth it. Carry on doing what your doing ✨️
Huge congratulations on 138 days! That's awesome!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by KneePads
Toddy, you are absolutely amazing! …it’s strange you say that because I have been feeling exactly the same way about things this time too.
Actually proactively building new, sober lives as opposed to just coasting along trying not to drink.
I am so glad you are feeling good and positive! I think approaching sobriety positively makes such a difference. It leaves less wiggle room for the dreaded AV to sneak in.
Let’s keep this going! Enormous hugs to you.
xxx
Actually proactively building new, sober lives as opposed to just coasting along trying not to drink.
I am so glad you are feeling good and positive! I think approaching sobriety positively makes such a difference. It leaves less wiggle room for the dreaded AV to sneak in.
Let’s keep this going! Enormous hugs to you.
xxx
I'm really glad you're feelling posotive too. I think we've both been through some ups and downs, especially when the old pink cloud has been a bit elusive but it's great to feel more grounded in recovery, especially at the start of a brand new year 😁
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by advbike
I think we have all had to come to that realization - that it's leading to ruin and/or an unfulfilled life - before we can permanently quit.
So glad to hear this, Toddy. Wish I had been able to do it at your age but it took two more decades.
Great job!
So glad to hear this, Toddy. Wish I had been able to do it at your age but it took two more decades.
Great job!
I read all of your posts and I think we were very similar "types" of drinkers. I resonate with so much of what you say and find a lot of wisdom in your words so thank you for all that you contribute.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2022
Posts: 120
Originally Posted by DriGuy
At first I just wanted to quit. I wasn't thinking about being free to choose not drinking, joy, or contentment. I just wanted to quit behaving like a pathetic drunk. But once I got a taste of being able to choose not to drink, I found myself enjoying sobriety more than I imagined. Quite soon, I was enjoying sobriety as much as I was enjoying not being drunk. Eventually, the balance scale tipped over to the enjoying sobriety side. Now I'm still grateful to not be a drunk, but my life is more about enjoying sobriety, rather than not being a drunk. It feels like the sweet spot to me, the place I want to be. There's not much to struggle with anymore.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,430
That’s the shift, Toddy! I’m always excited when I find it in someone’s post, it’s the light going on. I remember it well, it’s when things got easier. There is still work to do, but now you can start to recognize sobriety for what it is, a superpower.
You’re doing great and it’s wonderful to see!
You’re doing great and it’s wonderful to see!
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