Need to vent...
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Join Date: Sep 2004
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Need to vent...
My AH had the kids today. My son said his "daddy" didn't wake up until 2:30. HE GOT THEM AT 7:30!!! My 8 year old son made my 2-year-old's lunch because "daddy" was too lazy to get out of bed.
Anyway, he dropped them off at 4:30 when I got home from work. My son told me all this after that.
Around 6:30 my AH called to say he wasn't going to be able to watch the kids tomorrow b/c he was probably going to have to work (plowing snow). We are supposed to get 6-8 inches tonight. I told him I would call the sitter and then call him back to let him know what she said.
9:30 and he's drunk. He wasn't at 6:30. (Obsessing) Okay, that's not the point. The point is I held incredible restraint while talking to him.
He thought I was watching him. Although he didn't come right out and say it. He asked me what I was doing (smoking a cigarette), where I was (outside on the porch), what the kids were doing (son was in bed, daughter is watching TV). I asked him why he asked. He said he was just wondering.
He has a check cashing place wanting to collect on him b/c he hasn't paid them. He said he's not going to... and the worst they can do is put a bad mark on his credit... but that's okay, b/c his credit is good. whatever You know what I told him? I said, "That's cool." ARGGGG THAT WAS HARD!! Do you ever just want to pick someone up and wring them by their neck?
He also asked me if I was seeing anyone from work. I told him no and then kind of chuckled (oops). He asked if I thought that was funny. I told him no, I just don't know where he would come up with an idea like that. He said, "I don't know what's going on with us and I'm confused. And I hurt." blah blah blah - I told him, "I know, it sucks. I had hurt for a long time. I couldn't understand how someone can say they love someone and then hurt them as bad as you hurt me." Then I told him I was passed all that and not so confused anymore. I don't blame him, I'm not angry, and I'm not mad at him. I let it go. That felt good!!
He said he had to go. Guess I didn't say what he wanted to hear...
He knows where I stand about his drinking. Even if he does stop for a few weeks, he still don't think he has a problem - That is a huge problem for me. I can't convince him, he can only find his answers within himself. I'm not going to repeat what I've said to him. How many times can you say to a person, "Your drinking is tearing this family apart." He knows how I feel. He says he's not getting anything emotional from me - HELLO, does it look like I have STUPID written on my forehead. I'm working on me and making myself emotionally stronger. I tried that strategy with him WAY too long, I've learned my lesson.
Thanks for letting me vent. Now I can enjoy the rest of my evening.
Anyway, he dropped them off at 4:30 when I got home from work. My son told me all this after that.
Around 6:30 my AH called to say he wasn't going to be able to watch the kids tomorrow b/c he was probably going to have to work (plowing snow). We are supposed to get 6-8 inches tonight. I told him I would call the sitter and then call him back to let him know what she said.
9:30 and he's drunk. He wasn't at 6:30. (Obsessing) Okay, that's not the point. The point is I held incredible restraint while talking to him.
He thought I was watching him. Although he didn't come right out and say it. He asked me what I was doing (smoking a cigarette), where I was (outside on the porch), what the kids were doing (son was in bed, daughter is watching TV). I asked him why he asked. He said he was just wondering.
He has a check cashing place wanting to collect on him b/c he hasn't paid them. He said he's not going to... and the worst they can do is put a bad mark on his credit... but that's okay, b/c his credit is good. whatever You know what I told him? I said, "That's cool." ARGGGG THAT WAS HARD!! Do you ever just want to pick someone up and wring them by their neck?
He also asked me if I was seeing anyone from work. I told him no and then kind of chuckled (oops). He asked if I thought that was funny. I told him no, I just don't know where he would come up with an idea like that. He said, "I don't know what's going on with us and I'm confused. And I hurt." blah blah blah - I told him, "I know, it sucks. I had hurt for a long time. I couldn't understand how someone can say they love someone and then hurt them as bad as you hurt me." Then I told him I was passed all that and not so confused anymore. I don't blame him, I'm not angry, and I'm not mad at him. I let it go. That felt good!!
He said he had to go. Guess I didn't say what he wanted to hear...
He knows where I stand about his drinking. Even if he does stop for a few weeks, he still don't think he has a problem - That is a huge problem for me. I can't convince him, he can only find his answers within himself. I'm not going to repeat what I've said to him. How many times can you say to a person, "Your drinking is tearing this family apart." He knows how I feel. He says he's not getting anything emotional from me - HELLO, does it look like I have STUPID written on my forehead. I'm working on me and making myself emotionally stronger. I tried that strategy with him WAY too long, I've learned my lesson.
Thanks for letting me vent. Now I can enjoy the rest of my evening.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
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What a cool post. Your progress is amazing. Keep up the good work. And just in case you can't pick him up and wring his neck, try bitch slapping him. More satisfaction.
It was probably scary to hear your little one tell you about daddy sleeping when he's supposed to be taking care of them. That's an issue that needs to be confronted. His childrens' safety is at risk. And it's really sad that your eldest told you how lazy he was. The munchkins are like sponges. They don't miss a thing.
Keep up the good work.
Kathy
It was probably scary to hear your little one tell you about daddy sleeping when he's supposed to be taking care of them. That's an issue that needs to be confronted. His childrens' safety is at risk. And it's really sad that your eldest told you how lazy he was. The munchkins are like sponges. They don't miss a thing.
Keep up the good work.
Kathy
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
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Honey, that didn't sound like a vent to me, it sounded quite lovely. I admire you!
Guess you might have to pack lunches or always use the sitter?
I know you will handle it all.
You are something special!!!!
Way To Go!!!
Guess you might have to pack lunches or always use the sitter?
I know you will handle it all.
You are something special!!!!
Way To Go!!!
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Originally Posted by gelfling
It was probably scary to hear your little one tell you about daddy sleeping when he's supposed to be taking care of them. That's an issue that needs to be confronted. His childrens' safety is at risk. And it's really sad that your eldest told you how lazy he was.
Oh yeah, sorry, my son didn't call him lazy - that was my 2 cents.
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Originally Posted by liveweyerd
Guess you might have to pack lunches or always use the sitter?
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
Hi Jessica--I agree you are doing great--an inspiration to us all. My only worry is
your babies-besides the fact that they are probably not safe with him its hard for
the very young but oldest to have to assume so much responsibility. I too vote for child support and day care. Just a vote --don't want to sound bossy or pushie. You
are doing a good job taking care of yourself and your children I know you will make
good decissions. Smiles--Dee
your babies-besides the fact that they are probably not safe with him its hard for
the very young but oldest to have to assume so much responsibility. I too vote for child support and day care. Just a vote --don't want to sound bossy or pushie. You
are doing a good job taking care of yourself and your children I know you will make
good decissions. Smiles--Dee
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Location: Bristol TN/VA
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For child support, call the county prosecuter's office and tell the secretary what your call is about, they probably have a special person(s) that handles that with whom you can make an appointment. Attend the appmt. They will guide you and after that it is out of your hands and no longer a worry or hassle of yours, they will prosecute and collect. Your children deserve the support of their father. That isn't to be "gamed" with. In some states, the judgments are made to be retroactive from the time the non-custodial parent left and ceased support.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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Ok, that was just so wonderful to read! I want to be you when I grow up!!! Honestly, I liked reading how strong you are becoming, it's nice to know just when I feel like I am crazy, there are success stories. And I like your comment about how many times can you tell them their drinking is tearing apart the family. Don't know how many times I have said it thus far! Thanks for your post!
Blessings,
MysticCat
Blessings,
MysticCat
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jessica - there's a difference between "venting" and "constructive venting" and you have progressed to the 2nd one. it's actually not venting, more like sharing your recovery progress and we appreciate seeing all our sr family making progress. it gives the rest of us hope that we too can change!
take care of the kiddos - you sound like you know what's best for them in your heart and will do the best for them AND you!
hugs - cwohio
take care of the kiddos - you sound like you know what's best for them in your heart and will do the best for them AND you!
hugs - cwohio
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Location: Carrollton TX
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If I knew how to do the little applause icon...i would do it!!! so, APPLAUSE! You did fantastic! I felt my anger rising at him in each paragraph - you handled it perfectly! He's probably just shaking his head - going WTF??? Bravo jessica! I can tell through the progression of your posts how far you've come!
I think I would make a meeting with him when he wont be drunk - and tell him that the sleeping with the kids there like that, is unacceptable and the kids have brought it to your attention that they are uncomfortable. Let him know if it continues, you may have to consider supervised visitation - I would. That's way to much responsibility for an 8 year old and absoloutely unfair (in my opinion). You, on the other hand - are a star!!!
I think I would make a meeting with him when he wont be drunk - and tell him that the sleeping with the kids there like that, is unacceptable and the kids have brought it to your attention that they are uncomfortable. Let him know if it continues, you may have to consider supervised visitation - I would. That's way to much responsibility for an 8 year old and absoloutely unfair (in my opinion). You, on the other hand - are a star!!!
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You guys are great - you made me feel really good this morning (it was off to a rough start/too much going on in the first 2 hours) Thank you!!!
I'm mad, and that's probably why it sounds as though I'm doing so well. I'm not doubting myself at all, I just hope that when he sobers up I can still be as strong. It seems (in the past) that is when I would start getting weak. I have to keep focusing on what is best for me and the kids. I can feel my internal strength and my HP is guiding me down my path.
I will do whats best for my kids. That's BS him sleeping like that. I've taken them little "cat-naps" (you know, the kind where you are still awake enough to hear everything that's going on) but NEVER left them alone all day, which is basically what he did!!! The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. I have someone watch them b/c I DON'T want them left alone.
He agreed that since he's laid off, he'd watch them so he don't have to pay the sitter. Guess what? He's going to end up paying her, especially if he continues to be irresponsible like this. I'm definately going to say something, but I have to do it without it sounding like my son said anything to me. My son, it seems, is always worried about telling me stuff b/c he don't want me to get mad at AH. I keep reassuring him that I won't get mad, he can tell me anything but usually my first instinct is to get mad....lol - I'm now watching very closely how I react.
Thanks again for all your encouragement. I can feel it!!
I'm mad, and that's probably why it sounds as though I'm doing so well. I'm not doubting myself at all, I just hope that when he sobers up I can still be as strong. It seems (in the past) that is when I would start getting weak. I have to keep focusing on what is best for me and the kids. I can feel my internal strength and my HP is guiding me down my path.
I will do whats best for my kids. That's BS him sleeping like that. I've taken them little "cat-naps" (you know, the kind where you are still awake enough to hear everything that's going on) but NEVER left them alone all day, which is basically what he did!!! The more I think about it, the more it pisses me off. I have someone watch them b/c I DON'T want them left alone.
He agreed that since he's laid off, he'd watch them so he don't have to pay the sitter. Guess what? He's going to end up paying her, especially if he continues to be irresponsible like this. I'm definately going to say something, but I have to do it without it sounding like my son said anything to me. My son, it seems, is always worried about telling me stuff b/c he don't want me to get mad at AH. I keep reassuring him that I won't get mad, he can tell me anything but usually my first instinct is to get mad....lol - I'm now watching very closely how I react.
Thanks again for all your encouragement. I can feel it!!
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
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You said, "I couldn't understand how someone can say they love someone and then hurt them as bad as you hurt me." Then I told him I was passed all that and not so confused anymore. I don't blame him, I'm not angry, and I'm not mad at him. I let it go. That felt good!!
WOW! I wish I had your strength! I wish I also had your great comeback for his question... wow! that was awesome HIP HIP HOORAY for you!
My AH watched my kids and was in an almost tragic car accident. Not trying to manipulate you, or make you feel bad, because i know we have to do what we have to do sometimes, especially where finances are concerned. But, it is something to think about as you never ever think it will happen to you, and BOOM, it happens.
WOW! I wish I had your strength! I wish I also had your great comeback for his question... wow! that was awesome HIP HIP HOORAY for you!
My AH watched my kids and was in an almost tragic car accident. Not trying to manipulate you, or make you feel bad, because i know we have to do what we have to do sometimes, especially where finances are concerned. But, it is something to think about as you never ever think it will happen to you, and BOOM, it happens.
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Thanks for the reminder Wray - It has crossed my mind. He'd would be in some serious pain if my kids EVER got hurt in his care. And believe me, I am working on a alternative to him watching them. I try to "Let go and Let God", ya know. I pray that God is watching out for my kids when my instincts are telling me that my AH shouldn't really be watching them that day. I know he would never intentionally let anything happen to them (that's how he tries to reassure me ~ right), but it's kind of hard to control your intentions when your SLEEPING.
As far as my comeback to his comments - I'm tired of feeling sorry for him. You know, I mean I have always put his feelings first and let mine suffer. My feelings didn't matter as long as I could keep him happy. Well,, he always put his feelings first too. I'm just giving a little payback. He wants to try to make me feel guilty, I'm going to turn it around on him.
I don't think its about strength, I'm just tired of it.....lol
As far as my comeback to his comments - I'm tired of feeling sorry for him. You know, I mean I have always put his feelings first and let mine suffer. My feelings didn't matter as long as I could keep him happy. Well,, he always put his feelings first too. I'm just giving a little payback. He wants to try to make me feel guilty, I'm going to turn it around on him.
I don't think its about strength, I'm just tired of it.....lol
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