Peace now replaces fear in the face of seeing the abusive alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Midwest
Posts: 96
Peace now replaces fear in the face of seeing the abusive alcoholic
Years after walking away from a very abusive alcoholic.. It took a long time to figure out the level of his illness and its impact on me. He is still an active alcoholic, narcissist and BPD.
This site was instrumental in supporting me from the first moment I was courageous enough to dip my toe in the pond of trying to understand what I was living with, Thank you to all that listened, supported me and gave me honest feedback. it didn't always feel good to hear the facts, but it was honest, it was truth and it helped. I often think back of how many of you helped in that journey
He went from me, to a girl I went to high school with). He told lies about me to justify his situation/behavior, which of course hurt. But I stayed away, no contact. And moved to rebuild my life.
I am doing really well now
Now and again I hear things, but let it go as part of his /their journey. It was the only way for me to heal, was to distance myself. And I did.
The last few months I have seen him around (stores, the gym etc) and didn't know why. Then I learned that she had asked him to leave. You see, he manages to find women (including me) that will let him move into their homes. He spins tales of how hard he's had it with the last woman and does everything he can to be the "everything" they have been looking for. He ultimately can't keep the facade going, then starts the cracks in the facade and eventually find yourself with someone vastly different than you started with. Or it would seem. It was always there, but the rose colored glasses filled with hope, start to get a bit clearer.
He moved back to my area. Am I worried? At first I was a bit, due to the level of abuse. But once I saw him.....Not at all.
As this is a progressive disease, he has lost a lot of functionality. The times I have seen him, I don't think he knows who I am. Just looks right past me looking confused.... Sad to see such decline in anyone, but glad to not be on his radar any longer.
this last weekend I saw him walking from the liquor store with a cane, to his new apartment (which is conveniently right next door to the liquor store). He hobbled and weaved and paused in what seemed like a dazed confusion as a carried the new supply back to his place.
I felt sad for him. For anyone that has traveled this path.
At one time I bent over backwards trying to "save him" . I know, I can't do anything for him. It's his journey to learn from, This was the hardest thing to learn.
I am at peace in my life
I encourage anyone that is living with an active alcoholic, to listen to the many insightful, experienced souls that are on this forum, offering their wisdom. Their words are lifelines to a healthy life
all my thanks to the many that were there for me
This site was instrumental in supporting me from the first moment I was courageous enough to dip my toe in the pond of trying to understand what I was living with, Thank you to all that listened, supported me and gave me honest feedback. it didn't always feel good to hear the facts, but it was honest, it was truth and it helped. I often think back of how many of you helped in that journey
He went from me, to a girl I went to high school with). He told lies about me to justify his situation/behavior, which of course hurt. But I stayed away, no contact. And moved to rebuild my life.
I am doing really well now
Now and again I hear things, but let it go as part of his /their journey. It was the only way for me to heal, was to distance myself. And I did.
The last few months I have seen him around (stores, the gym etc) and didn't know why. Then I learned that she had asked him to leave. You see, he manages to find women (including me) that will let him move into their homes. He spins tales of how hard he's had it with the last woman and does everything he can to be the "everything" they have been looking for. He ultimately can't keep the facade going, then starts the cracks in the facade and eventually find yourself with someone vastly different than you started with. Or it would seem. It was always there, but the rose colored glasses filled with hope, start to get a bit clearer.
He moved back to my area. Am I worried? At first I was a bit, due to the level of abuse. But once I saw him.....Not at all.
As this is a progressive disease, he has lost a lot of functionality. The times I have seen him, I don't think he knows who I am. Just looks right past me looking confused.... Sad to see such decline in anyone, but glad to not be on his radar any longer.
this last weekend I saw him walking from the liquor store with a cane, to his new apartment (which is conveniently right next door to the liquor store). He hobbled and weaved and paused in what seemed like a dazed confusion as a carried the new supply back to his place.
I felt sad for him. For anyone that has traveled this path.
At one time I bent over backwards trying to "save him" . I know, I can't do anything for him. It's his journey to learn from, This was the hardest thing to learn.
I am at peace in my life
I encourage anyone that is living with an active alcoholic, to listen to the many insightful, experienced souls that are on this forum, offering their wisdom. Their words are lifelines to a healthy life
all my thanks to the many that were there for me
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,706
What a great post TLC (and good to hear from you).
I just went back and read one of your other threads and you have come so far in healing. I'm happy for you!
For anyone who doesn't know:
You can read another person's previous posts by clicking on their username in a thread and choosing Find More Posts by
You can view their previous threads by choosing View Public Profile then the Statistics tab then View all threads
Lots of great posts in those threads.
I just went back and read one of your other threads and you have come so far in healing. I'm happy for you!
For anyone who doesn't know:
You can read another person's previous posts by clicking on their username in a thread and choosing Find More Posts by
You can view their previous threads by choosing View Public Profile then the Statistics tab then View all threads
Lots of great posts in those threads.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Midwest
Posts: 96
Thank you trailmix!
You were one of my main "truth tellers" and helped me keep my feet on the trail to health
I was very lost at one point, full of pain. Attached to an active alcoholic, trying to swim up stream and "save him". What I didn't realize until this forum, was that I needed to save myself,
Very grateful to you and happy to know you are still on this forum. Your time on this trail provides support to many.
Health is a journey and I am grateful to mine.
You were one of my main "truth tellers" and helped me keep my feet on the trail to health
I was very lost at one point, full of pain. Attached to an active alcoholic, trying to swim up stream and "save him". What I didn't realize until this forum, was that I needed to save myself,
Very grateful to you and happy to know you are still on this forum. Your time on this trail provides support to many.
Health is a journey and I am grateful to mine.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2023
Posts: 213
This is amazing TLC and Trailmix, I am also finding some light at the end of the tunnel. This forum helped immensely and to even read through old posts from similar situations. I pray we all find peace in our minds and hearts. B x
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