I have to stop
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2022
Posts: 28
I have to stop
It is hard to admit, but I am an addict. I have a good life. I’m generally happy, but for some reason I crave that buzz. Booze, pot, cocaine, doesn’t seem to matter, as long as I get the buzz. I don’t have addiction in my family, I don’t understand why I have this need. It has to stop. I have to stop. My wife uses too, which makes it harder to stop. She can moderate better than I can, but still not in a healthy way. When I think back, I’ve probably always had an unhealthy relationship with drink/drugs, I just didn’t realize it back then. I drank the first time when I was 13 (I’m in my 50s now), I still remember it today..I wouldn’t say it was instant love, but I remember I liked it. I still do and that’s the problem. Instant pleasure. It hasn’t ruined my life yet, but I can see where this path is leading me. Not to a good place. It’s ironic that every step I take to seek out that pleasure is leading me to an unpleasant place.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2022
Posts: 28
My memory seems so short. I’m generally not reckless when I use, it hasn’t gotten me into trouble yet, but increasingly I regret it the next morning. It’s just that my memory is so short, come next evening and the regret I had in the morning seems like a distant past.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,187
Biochemistry does explain part of the reason we become alcoholics. It's both physical and psychological, but it is not a moral failure. Some of us are just more susceptible. I think of it as just being dealt a bad card in poker. There is some very good scientific information available in books that explain it, and I have found that knowledge extremely helpful in planning my own strategy for recovery.
But recovery from the alcoholic addiction is basically reduced to one thing; Stop drinking completely and for good. There have been some hefty debates in the past on how you do that, but we don't have those debates here. They are often ideological and not for everyone. You have to stop. There are ready made programs to help. I designed my own program, an ongoing process that borrows from all the others, and some things of my own, and I put the things that I needed to do and not do in it. It worked just fine. And beneath all the typical rationalizations, shortcuts, and denials that we make about how to get better, you know what you have to do, maybe not yet, but success is in there somewhere.
This forum includes so many people that have gotten better using so many different paths to recovery, and they will share their most precious insights, but there is 99% (probably closer to 100%) agreement that you have to stop drinking. When you do, things will start falling in place, and you will have a better understanding of what got you where you are.
You have obviously stumbled in your attempts so far, or you wouldn't have take the step of coming here. We have been through that too. There is a lot of information here, too much to assimilate all at once, so you will need to post, read, and ask to get at the things you need to do.
But recovery from the alcoholic addiction is basically reduced to one thing; Stop drinking completely and for good. There have been some hefty debates in the past on how you do that, but we don't have those debates here. They are often ideological and not for everyone. You have to stop. There are ready made programs to help. I designed my own program, an ongoing process that borrows from all the others, and some things of my own, and I put the things that I needed to do and not do in it. It worked just fine. And beneath all the typical rationalizations, shortcuts, and denials that we make about how to get better, you know what you have to do, maybe not yet, but success is in there somewhere.
This forum includes so many people that have gotten better using so many different paths to recovery, and they will share their most precious insights, but there is 99% (probably closer to 100%) agreement that you have to stop drinking. When you do, things will start falling in place, and you will have a better understanding of what got you where you are.
You have obviously stumbled in your attempts so far, or you wouldn't have take the step of coming here. We have been through that too. There is a lot of information here, too much to assimilate all at once, so you will need to post, read, and ask to get at the things you need to do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Just don't pick up a drink or drug today.
Today.
What your wife does or doesn't do cannot be your concern right now. Right now - save your own life.
It's the first drink or line that does the damage, leads to binging, etc. Not one. Today. In early days my goal was to lay my head on the pillow sober. If I did that, I got the day right.
Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.
Today.
What your wife does or doesn't do cannot be your concern right now. Right now - save your own life.
It's the first drink or line that does the damage, leads to binging, etc. Not one. Today. In early days my goal was to lay my head on the pillow sober. If I did that, I got the day right.
Worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.
The Dog
Join Date: Apr 2023
Location: Fly over state USA
Posts: 5,442
I'm sorry but I am going to call you on this and please don't take this the wrong way. You titled this "I have to stop." So I have to ask, do you have to stop or do you want to stop? If you are stopping because you think you have to I see you failing. You need to want to stop for your own good. As well, you need to realize this won't necessarily make your wife want to stop although you leading by example sure won't hurt. By all means do not under any circumstances imply she has to stop just so you can or just because you are because that will breed resentment and rebellion. I tried to stop because I felt like I had to and I failed multiple times. It wasn't until I began to resent myself and this habit that I wanted to stop and that is where I am at now. I want to stop for good. If you really truly want to stop you have to stop one day at a time. Permantly stopping is an overwhelming thought. So quit for today then get up tomorrow and quit for tomorrow. Keep doing that every day and you will succeed.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,434
LT, it helped me tremendously to change the old habits. Planning to stop at McDonalds for a tea on the way home instead of hitting the beer cave for an 18-pack helped a lot. My first sober work trip out of town, I went online and found an AA meeting to attend each night, which was the only thing that kept me from getting snot-faced at the hotel like always. Plan ahead. Whatever it takes. Start letting go of the negative emotions that keep you trapped in the cycle of addiction. Start letting go of the lies we all told ourselves while still drinking (It doesn't have health benefits, it doesn't help cope, it doesn't make you more sociable, it only makes matters worse.) Watch The Rise of Danny Trejo.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2022
Posts: 28
It’s a good question DD. The “have to” part relates to my health, I know that it will likely kill me in the end if I don’t stop. Probably not anytime soon, but in the end. The “want to” part is harder. It just takes a single moment of NOT not wanting to quit to be back at it. As for my wife, I’m not going to ask her to stop or anything, it’s just an observation that it makes it harder. Has made it harder in the past at least. And yeah, not ever drinking again seems overwhelming, I can’t quite comprehend what that means. A day at a time is a good start. Not drinking today is a good start.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2022
Posts: 28
Thank you Cityboy. Yeah, habits are hard to break, I wouldn’t be here if it was easy I suppose. For me it’s not so much about negative emotions that keep me addicted, I just love the feeling of being buzzed. So far I haven’t had to face negative consequences of drinking or using drugs, which I think is part of the problem. The cost/benefit analysis when I pick up that drink hasn’t been dire enough to make me stop. But I need to revise that analysis and remember it before I pick up again. I want to quit before I have to pay the price, not after.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,434
I used to crave the buzz also. We all did. As you begin to sober up long-term, things will begin coming to light. It's not true pleasure you experience when you use. That's part of the lie.
There is so much life to live out there away from that junk. True pleasure, not the fake stuff.
There is so much life to live out there away from that junk. True pleasure, not the fake stuff.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by LTee 
Thank you Cityboy. Yeah, habits are hard to break, I wouldn’t be here if it was easy I suppose. For me it’s not so much about negative emotions that keep me addicted, I just love the feeling of being buzzed. So far I haven’t had to face negative consequences of drinking or using drugs, which I think is part of the problem. The cost/benefit analysis when I pick up that drink hasn’t been dire enough to make me stop. But I need to revise that analysis and remember it before I pick up again. I want to quit before I have to pay the price, not after.
And really, in the end I was drinking as a form of escape. Escaping from fears, anxieties about life and the state of the world, my work, my relationships, my own ability to get by in the world, my own mind was a hard thing to navigate.
I didn't have big consequence like losing a job, or getting a DUI, or having terminal cancer, or bone loss, or permanently losing my mind - YET. They say in AA, "You're Eligible Too." It's just a matter of time before one or all of those things happened.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,589
Welcome and I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking. CityBoy is right that most of us here craved the buzz. I was surprised how quickly I began to appreciate the little things that made me happy. Make a decision that alcohol is no longer an option, no matter what. My suggestion is to plan to do other things at the time you would have been drinking. Accept that you may need to make some lifestyle changes to support your recovery. You can do this!
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 14,069
Welcome to SR LTee
Good for you starting day 1 in recovery.
Staying clean can be as simple as not picking up that first drug ever again.
Choosing to stay clean 'just for today' is a great move on your part.
Keep posting to your recovery thread. We want to keep helping you get clean
Good for you starting day 1 in recovery.
Staying clean can be as simple as not picking up that first drug ever again.
Choosing to stay clean 'just for today' is a great move on your part.
Keep posting to your recovery thread. We want to keep helping you get clean
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,187
Originally Posted by LTee
The “want to” part is harder. It just takes a single moment of NOT not wanting to quit to be back at it.
Originally Posted by LTee
yeah, not ever drinking again seems overwhelming, I can’t quite comprehend what that means. A day at a time is a good start. Not drinking today is a good start.
As for one day at a time, I think we all need that in the beginning, and some continue that way for the rest of their lives. I needed it for a few days, but when I embraced the idea of "never again and sober forever," it was a huge weight off my shoulders. It was the equivalent of letting go of my fantasy of false hope, and for many of us that "forever" commitment takes drinking off the table and we don't have to worry about it anymore. Those of us who do "one day at a time" also find that it works for them, and it's up to you to decide how you approach this. There is no right or wrong in this situation. It's whatever works.
One actual "wrong" is wasting your time trying to control your drinking. You have to stop... period! So what's wrong with controlling your drinking? It's an oxymoron to begin with; If you have to try to control your drinking, you're not in control of your drinking. Normies don't try to control their drinking, because they can stop when they want. I spent years trying to prove to myself I was a normie who just had to muster the wherewithal to control my drinking. Eventually, I gave up the fantasy for the reality. But then, I acknowledge I'm an alcoholic. Oddly, even if you don't believe you are an alcoholic, and you still don't control your drinking, the forever quit works the same for you as it does for us. The one iron clad cure if you can't control your drinking is to quit, full stop.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,633
LTee - It's so great to have you with us. SR meant the world to me when I was desperate years ago. You're never alone.
I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what alcohol & drugs are doing to your life. It's very hard to admit that what was once fun & relaxing has become a necessity. Being here & being accountable really helped me. The more I read & posted, the more determined I became to turn things around. A better life awaits you. You can get free!
I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what alcohol & drugs are doing to your life. It's very hard to admit that what was once fun & relaxing has become a necessity. Being here & being accountable really helped me. The more I read & posted, the more determined I became to turn things around. A better life awaits you. You can get free!
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