Mich77

Hi! I am just new here but this has really helped me gain myself back. I am asking for advice coz my husband who is in recovery, has been out of rehab for 3 months, started gambling again, I found out today that he gambled online. He has a sponsor, a really good one and he talks to him everyday so I didn't really think that he would again use our money on gambling. I don't know if he is using meth again but the sponsor said it is most likely coz gambling is his trigger point. He left today when I confronted him and I said I can't do this all.over again. He again got money when he left and I just found out after. I know that in recovery most likely they relapse but doing it it in 2 consecutive weeks is a pattern already. I know that I need to start somewhere. He left his clothes so I don't know if he's coming back or would ask me to send his clothes but gosh it just never stops. I don't want to go through the same ordeal again. Should I leave the house with my kids?

Metcalfe123

This is a tough one, and I can relate to the pain you’re going through. Ive lived those repeating cycles, the relapse, the confrontation, the abandonment. The main point is what he is choosing and how much suffering you’re willing to take. It’s so hard to put those boundaries in place when we love and care so deeply for our spouses. What I’ve learnt here and through my experiences so far is that we must learn to let go, as much as that hurts and we feel like doing the opposite. This repeating pattern will erode your self worth and you may be headed to financial ruin. Please protect yourself.

Mich77

Thank.you so much! You are right, I need to.focus on my self worth. I kinda lost that with him.

Troubledone

I don't know if this will be helpful, but maybe consider a shift in focus. It might give you your own answer to your question (should I leave?).

You can focus on his behavior or you can focus on the welfare of your family. He is going to do what he is going to do, you can't prevent it, it's just important to evaluate what it means to your family.

If you fall into financial ruin, the ones who suffer most are the innocent children. One way to regain your self worth is to become the heroine of your own story.

The kids need you and setting boundaries with your husband is his best chance of protecting yourself and the kids and supporting him getting serious about recovery. I don't know if that boundary is leaving with the kids or if there are other boundaries you can implement short of that - only you know what you are willing or able to endure before you make a move like that. It's just important to be realistic.

I hope this does not seem too harsh. It's just that I so often see that addicts and their significant others get very focused on that relationship (it IS very painful and emotional) and its easy to see the kids and an aside, when they should be the main focus of a family. (my opinion). Sometimes identifying the main concern is one way to gain clarity.

Sending prayers that you find your inner heroine.