Up and Down Recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Up and Down Recovery
As the title states, I've had a very up and down recovery period since my last binge. It is true, alcohol withdrawal is progressive and it certainly gets worse each time. I'm over a month sober, close to 8 weeks actually.
I've been so up and down emotionally and physically. Some days I feel great, in fact ive strung together many days of feeling fantastic but then I go through a stretch of a few days where physically I feel hungover (not as bad as when I was drinking for sure but mental fog, irritability, uneasiness,anxiety, black cloud feeling). Not physically sick like when I got hungover but you know that general blah feeling. I guess I'm frustrated with those days and as you probably guessed, the past few days have been part of those bad days. I'm sure I'll get back to feeling great again but I just get frustrated. I know it's an up and down ride and I need to take the highs with the lows but ffs enough of the blah days! It sure doesn't help the sun hasn't come put often the past few weeks so I'm looking forward to some sunny days ahead.
So I'll now get to the good which will vastly outweigh these bad days.
1. I've been going to the gym religiously 3 times a week. I'm physically stronger and more fit than I've ever been. At 40, I have more muscle definition than I've ever had in my life. I've surpassed my max bench press that I reached at the end of high school,my record still exists at my high school (I quit lifting weights when I went to college bc alcohol and pot was waaaaay more important).
2. I'm not short of breathe doing very little. I run a few times a week and can run 3 miles without too much of an issue except when it is brutally cold.
3. Holidays sober- I mentioned this before but most my holidays previously involved heavy drinking which I thought the rest of my family did as well. Being sober made me realize I was the only one getting drunk as a skunk. I guess I hid it well or everyone just tolerated it. But I'm able to enjoy myself and my family (and extended family) without drinking.
4. Mood- in general my mood is much better and I've cut my anti depressants in half (and yes my Dr knows and has encouraged it). That could attribute to some of my down periods but I know this feeling and pretty sure it's alcohol related or withdrawal related.
5. Money, I have more now that I'm not pissing away money (literally). Money isn't the root of happiness but it's nice to have and be able to treat myself and my family to things.
6. My face looks better, it wasn't bad to begin with but alcohol takes a toll especially around my eyes and cheekbones. I'm no supermodel but I look better most days. Some days when I'm down I dont look at great but I notice a positive difference.
7. My GERD or acid reflux is all but gone. My Dr still wants to do a scope just to make sure everything looks good in there but that is also more for my piece of mind as well.
8. Bloodwork looks good which is a relief as I feared this for a long time and avoided the DR for a few years bc of it.
I know that's a lot of positives compared to a few negatives and I needed to get this out for myself so I can come back to soon.
Good to see so many familiar faces still. Hoping a sober new year upon you all and best wishes.
I've been so up and down emotionally and physically. Some days I feel great, in fact ive strung together many days of feeling fantastic but then I go through a stretch of a few days where physically I feel hungover (not as bad as when I was drinking for sure but mental fog, irritability, uneasiness,anxiety, black cloud feeling). Not physically sick like when I got hungover but you know that general blah feeling. I guess I'm frustrated with those days and as you probably guessed, the past few days have been part of those bad days. I'm sure I'll get back to feeling great again but I just get frustrated. I know it's an up and down ride and I need to take the highs with the lows but ffs enough of the blah days! It sure doesn't help the sun hasn't come put often the past few weeks so I'm looking forward to some sunny days ahead.
So I'll now get to the good which will vastly outweigh these bad days.
1. I've been going to the gym religiously 3 times a week. I'm physically stronger and more fit than I've ever been. At 40, I have more muscle definition than I've ever had in my life. I've surpassed my max bench press that I reached at the end of high school,my record still exists at my high school (I quit lifting weights when I went to college bc alcohol and pot was waaaaay more important).
2. I'm not short of breathe doing very little. I run a few times a week and can run 3 miles without too much of an issue except when it is brutally cold.
3. Holidays sober- I mentioned this before but most my holidays previously involved heavy drinking which I thought the rest of my family did as well. Being sober made me realize I was the only one getting drunk as a skunk. I guess I hid it well or everyone just tolerated it. But I'm able to enjoy myself and my family (and extended family) without drinking.
4. Mood- in general my mood is much better and I've cut my anti depressants in half (and yes my Dr knows and has encouraged it). That could attribute to some of my down periods but I know this feeling and pretty sure it's alcohol related or withdrawal related.
5. Money, I have more now that I'm not pissing away money (literally). Money isn't the root of happiness but it's nice to have and be able to treat myself and my family to things.
6. My face looks better, it wasn't bad to begin with but alcohol takes a toll especially around my eyes and cheekbones. I'm no supermodel but I look better most days. Some days when I'm down I dont look at great but I notice a positive difference.
7. My GERD or acid reflux is all but gone. My Dr still wants to do a scope just to make sure everything looks good in there but that is also more for my piece of mind as well.
8. Bloodwork looks good which is a relief as I feared this for a long time and avoided the DR for a few years bc of it.
I know that's a lot of positives compared to a few negatives and I needed to get this out for myself so I can come back to soon.
Good to see so many familiar faces still. Hoping a sober new year upon you all and best wishes.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,596
Yes, I noticed that each recovery was harder than the last. I'm glad to hear you have almost 8 weeks of sobriety! And, it sounds like you have lots of positives in your life. The days of not feeling great will probably lessen as time goes on.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 14,073
Hi Jryan
Depending on many factors including how huch, how often and how long you drink can be cause for a longer recovery. Brain chemistry recovery can take a few months or longer for some addicts. Having patiences is difficult but the rewards can be wonderful.
Easy Does It
Depending on many factors including how huch, how often and how long you drink can be cause for a longer recovery. Brain chemistry recovery can take a few months or longer for some addicts. Having patiences is difficult but the rewards can be wonderful.
Easy Does It
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,590
I'm not a doctor but maybe PAWs might ring a few bells Jryan?
https://web.archive.org/web/20160316...r-immediately/
regardless of the cause of the malaise, I think our recovery needs to be robust enough to withstand bad days, not feeling well, disappointments etc.
Its not always easy but it needs to be a steadfast commitment.
Think about whatever you can add to whatever it is you are doing to stay sober now
D
https://web.archive.org/web/20160316...r-immediately/
regardless of the cause of the malaise, I think our recovery needs to be robust enough to withstand bad days, not feeling well, disappointments etc.
Its not always easy but it needs to be a steadfast commitment.
Think about whatever you can add to whatever it is you are doing to stay sober now
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,941
It seems, jryan, that the longer our alcoholism travels with us the more difficult it becomes to recover from it. I certainly had many failed attempts at sobriety and my inner self suffered greatly from the effects of my association with alcohol. Our inner selves affect our outward selves, I believe, which brings me to my point - working on the root causes of our alcoholism is key (in my humble opinion) to success in recovery. Identifying those root causes, and coming to terms with them (making positive changes, forgiving ourselves and others) can be really hard work but the effort pays off in the end.
It is good that you are seeing some really positives/benefits of sobriety. Keep on; do some digging; life in recovery is truly awesome.
It is good that you are seeing some really positives/benefits of sobriety. Keep on; do some digging; life in recovery is truly awesome.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,634
Hi jryan. Good to read your post & to know you're 8 wks. sober.
I nearly didn't make it out of my last binge. That's why I can never, ever put myself back in that horrible state.
I nearly didn't make it out of my last binge. That's why I can never, ever put myself back in that horrible state.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Good job on all those positive changes. The period from 2-6 months can be very difficult due to continued brain healing. Difficulty with feelings and emotions especially. It is the toughest part of getting sober and is often referred to as The Wall in recovery circles. Sounds like you're in it. Sometimes we don't even know why our mood is bad so learning to identify my feelings (I was clueless before) really helped me.
Just stick it out, man - you're doing really great. Also, aerobic exercise is documented to be very good for brain healing.
Just stick it out, man - you're doing really great. Also, aerobic exercise is documented to be very good for brain healing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,941
After reading advbike’s response, jryan, I mentally revisited my first six months of Recovery; it wasn’t until the 6-9 month point that the lethargy, brain fog and malaise began to lift. In comparison, you seem to be much better than I was at that stage. As I mentioned before, much of Recovery is an ‘inside’ job (it certainly was for me) so don’t skip it.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,982
In my experience, every "recovery" is harder than the previous one.
And I heard from old-timers in AA long ago, that they they would go out there drinking again, because they didn't know if they would ever be able to make it back to sobriety again.
And I heard from old-timers in AA long ago, that they they would go out there drinking again, because they didn't know if they would ever be able to make it back to sobriety again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
14 more days sober and one rough day (today) after a restless night. What has happened in the past 2 weeks?
2 days after this post I was back to feeling great.
I have many more sober days under my belt.
Went on a ski trip and was not hungover any morning and was able to get out early every day to beat the crowds.
Kept up with my workload at work to during a very very busy time of year.
Most nights got plenty of uninterrupted sleep.
Ate many nutritious meals.
Kept up with my workout routine.
I know I need to keep pushing through and staying the course because I know drinking isn't the answer for me. Drinking is not an option.
2 days after this post I was back to feeling great.
I have many more sober days under my belt.
Went on a ski trip and was not hungover any morning and was able to get out early every day to beat the crowds.
Kept up with my workload at work to during a very very busy time of year.
Most nights got plenty of uninterrupted sleep.
Ate many nutritious meals.
Kept up with my workout routine.
I know I need to keep pushing through and staying the course because I know drinking isn't the answer for me. Drinking is not an option.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Another cloudy day today, it feels like Eeyore is following me around haha.
But I managed to get in an hour and a half workout (cardio and weights) and will head out to AA this evening so it is productive. My neck and shoulder pain is acting up recently (car accidents 4 years ago and I have a herniated disc in my neck which is pressuring a nerve) but doing some of my PT exercises. Surgery will be inevitable but I'm trying to delay that as much as possible. Maybe I'll schedule a consult just to see what the Dr says again. Im nervous about having to give some of my activities but PT etc isn't cutting it.
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Going to watch some football, head to AA, and then maybe make some cookies tonight.
But I managed to get in an hour and a half workout (cardio and weights) and will head out to AA this evening so it is productive. My neck and shoulder pain is acting up recently (car accidents 4 years ago and I have a herniated disc in my neck which is pressuring a nerve) but doing some of my PT exercises. Surgery will be inevitable but I'm trying to delay that as much as possible. Maybe I'll schedule a consult just to see what the Dr says again. Im nervous about having to give some of my activities but PT etc isn't cutting it.
Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Going to watch some football, head to AA, and then maybe make some cookies tonight.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
A few more days sober under my belt.
The sun actually came out yesterday so that made me feel better but is back to being cloudy today. I guess not everyday can be sunshine and rainbows (figuratively and literally) but it is what you make of it.
Will head to the gym tonight so that is always good.
Yeah the neck and back pain sucks thanks to someone who rear ended me while texting. I still have a lot of angst toward that incident as I live my life in a lot of pain still. I got every penny I could from their insurance but I'd give it all back to feel better again. I have to constantly work at my PT to feel better. Enough feeling sorry for myself.
Picked up an old childhood hobby again recently so that is keeping me busy.
Have a good day everyone.
The sun actually came out yesterday so that made me feel better but is back to being cloudy today. I guess not everyday can be sunshine and rainbows (figuratively and literally) but it is what you make of it.
Will head to the gym tonight so that is always good.
Yeah the neck and back pain sucks thanks to someone who rear ended me while texting. I still have a lot of angst toward that incident as I live my life in a lot of pain still. I got every penny I could from their insurance but I'd give it all back to feel better again. I have to constantly work at my PT to feel better. Enough feeling sorry for myself.
Picked up an old childhood hobby again recently so that is keeping me busy.
Have a good day everyone.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 14,073
Jryan thats great. keep putting those sober day together and a hobby can help. I have a hobby from childhood well I was 13 years old when I started with it, Still fun and updated from the original versions. Keep posting buddy...pain or not you can do this, YES!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
Posts: 2,661
I can totally relate ….the ups n downs of recovery are quite a rollercoaster ride of all types of symptoms, and emotions. Hang in there, Im sure you’ll have better good days than bad as time goes by.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Another week down and feeling pretty good.
Had mostly good days which I am happy about and havent really thought about drinking which is nice. Sometimes once or twice a week I'll think about it, but it quickly passes especially when I ready my journal and see the amount of crap I had to deal with during all my stints of trying to get sober.
Have been keeping up with the gym 3 times a week and eating a healthy diet. Still not quite happy with my mood sometimes and me being short with people so working on improving that.
I have a lot going on over the next few months which will help me keep my mind off of it and I really need to be on top of my game to achieve what I want to achieve in mid-March, so I have that as something to look forward to as a short-term goal. I will eventually need a longer-term goal as well so I am working on that.
I've been dealt with some not-so-great family news, but I am glad I am facing it sober and glad it is not worse than it is. It still isnt good but we are all obviously hoping for the best especially when dealing with the big C. But again, I am sober and have a clear head and can help where I can.
Had mostly good days which I am happy about and havent really thought about drinking which is nice. Sometimes once or twice a week I'll think about it, but it quickly passes especially when I ready my journal and see the amount of crap I had to deal with during all my stints of trying to get sober.
Have been keeping up with the gym 3 times a week and eating a healthy diet. Still not quite happy with my mood sometimes and me being short with people so working on improving that.
I have a lot going on over the next few months which will help me keep my mind off of it and I really need to be on top of my game to achieve what I want to achieve in mid-March, so I have that as something to look forward to as a short-term goal. I will eventually need a longer-term goal as well so I am working on that.
I've been dealt with some not-so-great family news, but I am glad I am facing it sober and glad it is not worse than it is. It still isnt good but we are all obviously hoping for the best especially when dealing with the big C. But again, I am sober and have a clear head and can help where I can.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,590
best wishes for you and your ill family member, JRyan1992.
Filling your life with stuff can help - but things can fall in a help if for some reason your new routine is scuppered. Don't forget to be also thinking about what you can do against that inner voice if it starts braying at you again.
D
Filling your life with stuff can help - but things can fall in a help if for some reason your new routine is scuppered. Don't forget to be also thinking about what you can do against that inner voice if it starts braying at you again.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Well it's been 3 sober weeks since I last posted to this thread so figured I'd write something.
It hasn't really been hard to not drink the past 3 plus weeks mainly because I haven't been around alcohol. Went to visit family for a few days and they had a glass of wine with dinner but that's about it. Funny because I always thought they drank a lot which gave me the excuse to drink a lot. Went out in a large group setting for dinner one night and about 1/3 ordered alcohol. Other than those two occasions I haven't been around alcohol so not much in the way of temptation.
However things this weekend didn't go as well as I had hoped, something that i have been using as a motivating factor to stay sober isn't going as well as I had hoped so I am feeling down, depressed, upset, and thinking what's the point? I need to pick myself up or kick myself in the butt and I'm finding it hard. Figured I'd wake up today in a better mood but that hasn't been the case and I'm still feeling down.
Just needed to get that off my chest to hopefully move on and stay motivated.
It hasn't really been hard to not drink the past 3 plus weeks mainly because I haven't been around alcohol. Went to visit family for a few days and they had a glass of wine with dinner but that's about it. Funny because I always thought they drank a lot which gave me the excuse to drink a lot. Went out in a large group setting for dinner one night and about 1/3 ordered alcohol. Other than those two occasions I haven't been around alcohol so not much in the way of temptation.
However things this weekend didn't go as well as I had hoped, something that i have been using as a motivating factor to stay sober isn't going as well as I had hoped so I am feeling down, depressed, upset, and thinking what's the point? I need to pick myself up or kick myself in the butt and I'm finding it hard. Figured I'd wake up today in a better mood but that hasn't been the case and I'm still feeling down.
Just needed to get that off my chest to hopefully move on and stay motivated.
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