Hopegracelove

I’m new here. My Sister in law addict is now in jail. She’s been there a little over a week. She says she wants to go to rehab but I’m not sure. I’ve already spent $60 on stupid jail calls because she’s so desperate to get out. I want to believe her, but I just don’t. She’s in due to probation violation and the judge said no bond. She never reported to the probation since July. She is begging me to figure out how to contact her probation officer and convince him she will go to rehab. I imagine she’s going through withdrawals and will say anything to try to get out. She’s been an addict for 5 years, lost custody of her kids and my mother in law is an enabler. I want to help her recover, but I can’t afford these jail calls. I realized my mother in laws number was on my account so I was funding everyone’s phone calls. I figured out how to get my mother in law off but I don’t want to add anymore $ this week. I told my sister in law I can’t afford it, yet she keeps calling me. I am ignoring the calls. I’m so frustrated. My mother in law says she can’t fund her jail account and I certainly can’t either. I have a kid in college that I’m paying $2,000 a month for. I want my sister in law better, but it’s like she wants some magic to happen where I can somehow convince her probation officer to get her out. She’s like call the DA.. she says for rehab purposes but I don’t believe her. It feels more like a ploy. Im just so emotionally tired. This has been going on for so long. She has stolen from me, she’s not sorry for anything. Thanks for letting me vent.

trailmix

Hi!

Well, first things first, you didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).

I think you would be wise to let her address her own problem. I'm sure she would rather be in rehab than jail, but why would she think you would have anything to do with that? Does she have a lawyer? If so he/she could talk to the DA or parole officer, if deemed that it might help, that's not your role is it?

Yes, she sounds desperate and yes, she probably is in withdrawal, but it's probably a good idea to step away. You can't afford those calls and you are wise to not take them.

There is AA and there is NA and they are free and if she was serious about sobriety and recovery maybe that is the place she would start, not calling you (I assume she has relied on you to get her out of tough spots before).

You will be doing her a favour by letting her sort this out on her own, which she is entirely capable of.

suki44883

Welcome to SR, hopegracelove. Your sister in law is now facing the consequences of her own actions. There isn't a thing in the world wrong with you stepping back and allowing her to do so. The only way she is going to learn anything, is when people stop enabling her and allow her fall. Finding a way to get her out of jail isn't your responsibility, nor is putting money in her account, or accepting her many calls begging you to fix things. I am sure there is a way for her to contact her probation officer, although she probably could have avoided jail by seeing him each month in the first place. Again, she put herself there, so it's her job to figure things out for herself.

Please don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of your own responsibilities and leaving others to do the same.

HardLessons

If she is in jail she is calling you collect. Either dont take the call or if you do & hear the recorded message your getting a collect call from an inmate simply hang up. You can also call the jail and ask them to block your number so she cant call you collect.

She has a public defender who will represent her at the probation violation hearing. Her attorney will have the chance to discuss the probation violations with the probation officer, prosecutor, & Judge. The judge makes the final determination & will probably sentence her at the probation violation hearing. Sentencing is based on the nature of the probation violations & the original crimes committed when she was sentenced & placed on probation.

Mine is in jail now for probation violations for crimes committed in 2021. Probation went to the judge & got a warrant for her arrest based on probation violations back in July of this year. They caught up with her on August 13 & she was arrested & put in jail. Mid Sept at her probation violation hearing, judge sentenced her to 364 days in county jail less credit for time already served. She is due to get out like end of March 2023.

If you call the jail & tell them she is your sister in law they will probably tell you the public record details as to what has happened.

Not sure what state your in but there are free to use reliable website which provide public arrest & inmate information: Vine Link & Jail Base. Also In my State & County they have websites which provide all public records concerning arrest records & inmate records.

Maybe if you find out her actual arrest records you will much better understand exactly what your dealing with. Her probation officer already had her arrested not sure if shes been to a probation violation hearing yet. She will be held in jail until a judge decides her fate at the probation violation hearing.