Lovingmyself

Hi everyone, I’m going through a rough time after my girlfriend of 4.5 years stopped responding to me and asked for space via text. I asked to talk over the phone or meet but she avoided me and stopped responding. It’s been a week now since I’ve heard from her and am guessing this is the end.

When we first met, she had been clean for over a year. She later relapsed then went to rehab, and this cycle continued until she went to jail for possession. She met someone in jail and seems like they reconnected after this person got released. I’m not sure about the exact times but a week or two after, he behavior towards me changed and this is when she discarded. She was homeless living in a hotel as I refused to take her in until she’s clean or actively working on her sobriety. I think she’s staying with this new girl from jail now.

I knew our relationship suffered because of her addiction and things get worse when I don’t enable her and hold her accountable. I’m hurt that she discarded me so easily and brutally without having a conversation about it. I feel disrespected and used. I know she loves me and her addiction contributes to this mean behavior but I’m hurt that I let myself get that vulnerable with someone who doesn’t have the same values, code of ethics and emotional maturity that I deserve. I should’ve known better but I truly believed she was strong enough to get herself out it. I’m actively working on my healing through reflection, therapy, meditation and other human connections. Because of my busy work schedule and our relationship, I became a bit distant from my friends. I’m starting to recultivate those relationships. In the meantime, I figured to write my story here in hopes of hearing from those with similar situations to help with the feeling that I’m grieving alone.

Seren

Hello Lovingmyself, and Welcome to SR! My apologies that it has been some time since your original post. Many members are scarce due to the holidays here in the U.S. I'm sorry you've been hurting and to read about all you have experienced with your girlfriend. Unfortunately it sounds as though she and this woman she met are likely both using. It also sounds as though you lost yourself while trying to maintain a relationship with an addict. I'm glad you are starting to see your friends again.

Please take some time to read around these boards and learn as much as you can about addiction. I also highly recommend learning more about the learned behaviors of co-dependency. You might find it very helpful!

Lovingmyself

Thank you so much Serene. I appreciate you taking the time to write. I took your advice and have been browsing through older posts and found some of them very relatable and useful. I also started reading Codependent No More and have been learning a lot. Not sure why throughout those years, it never occurred to me that I could be co-dependent, and thought I had good boundaries to protect myself & my wellweing. I blamed most of my agony on my stressful job while neglecting one of the major causes of isolation and depression which was my relationship with my gf. I know this breakup is for the best and I do deserve better. The pain I’m going through is part of my growth & healing process. I found this community to be immensely helpful and lean on posts whenever I feel down and need reassurance that better days are ahead. I’ll go to an Nar-anon meeting next week (another info I got from the posts) and I’m looking forward to meeting folks who share the same experience. Thanks again!