New here-day 1
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 2
New here-day 1
Hello everyone. Long time reader and drinker, first time poster. Im 42 years old and I am a binge/heavy drinker. I dont drink everyday but when I do drink there is no stopping until im ready to pass out. Im gonna say this is happening 2-3 times a week, and its scary how much I can drink. Im scaring myself and scaring my wife. She has had many conversations with me about stopping, quitting, slowing down etc. Its pretty much the only thing that causes stress in our relationship. I want to stop for me and for the sake of my relationship.
Like many here I have had periods of sobriety that have ranged from days to months. Every single time I have a decent period of sobriety I feel like a totally different person. I am in a better mood, I have energy, I lose weight, my skin looks better (my face is constantly red and puffy) I have confidence, I have little to no anxiety and my relationship is much better. However every single time I've stopped, I start again and I'm sick and tired of it. I'm getting older and worried about my mental, physical, and emotional health.
I feel I am ready to quit. I drank last night , was only going to be 1-2. Well 7-8 later wake up feeling like **** with sky high anxiety and just disappointed and beating myself up. I am ready to do this, but to be honest I am terrified. Almost everyone in my life drinks, friends, family, coworkers etc. I am scared of being left out and being known as the guy with the drinking problem. But at the same time I need to do this for me and for my health. I want my health and my life back because I feel like I have a huge weight on me holding me down.
I think this is a great little community and I have read many great stories of recovery here. I would like one day to be telling my story, and I want my story to start today.
Like many here I have had periods of sobriety that have ranged from days to months. Every single time I have a decent period of sobriety I feel like a totally different person. I am in a better mood, I have energy, I lose weight, my skin looks better (my face is constantly red and puffy) I have confidence, I have little to no anxiety and my relationship is much better. However every single time I've stopped, I start again and I'm sick and tired of it. I'm getting older and worried about my mental, physical, and emotional health.
I feel I am ready to quit. I drank last night , was only going to be 1-2. Well 7-8 later wake up feeling like **** with sky high anxiety and just disappointed and beating myself up. I am ready to do this, but to be honest I am terrified. Almost everyone in my life drinks, friends, family, coworkers etc. I am scared of being left out and being known as the guy with the drinking problem. But at the same time I need to do this for me and for my health. I want my health and my life back because I feel like I have a huge weight on me holding me down.
I think this is a great little community and I have read many great stories of recovery here. I would like one day to be telling my story, and I want my story to start today.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,585
Welcome, Lateralus. We're here to encourage you as you begin a new & better way of life. 
I had felt all alone until joining SR. No one else in my life really understood what I was going through.
You're young & can turn it all around. I would give anything to go back to being 42 & get free. Instead, I continued trying to be a social drinker. I was determined to manage it so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely - but why? It was no longer the fun & relaxing break from reality that it once seemed to be. I kept going until I was drinking all day, taking it to work, driving when I shouldn't have, etc. This is where it can lead if we allow it to. I became a stranger to myself & everyone around me. This never has to happen to you. Congrats on your Day 1.
I had felt all alone until joining SR. No one else in my life really understood what I was going through.You're young & can turn it all around. I would give anything to go back to being 42 & get free. Instead, I continued trying to be a social drinker. I was determined to manage it so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely - but why? It was no longer the fun & relaxing break from reality that it once seemed to be. I kept going until I was drinking all day, taking it to work, driving when I shouldn't have, etc. This is where it can lead if we allow it to. I became a stranger to myself & everyone around me. This never has to happen to you. Congrats on your Day 1.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,527
Welcome Lateralus,
I was very scared too, when I stopped drinking. I couldn't imagine coping with life without alcohol. But, when you step out of the cycle you will find that it's not so scary. You'll feel better in every way and you can learn healthy ways to cope with life.
I had to make some lifestyle changes in order to stay sober. I changed my daily routine so that I was physically active (outside walking) in the early evening. That helped me a lot. I got rid of a few toxic people in my life which, surprisingly, opened the door for some wonderful new people to enter my life. I couldn't be around alcohol or people who were drinking for most of a year and that helped me establish new routines.
You will find lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
I was very scared too, when I stopped drinking. I couldn't imagine coping with life without alcohol. But, when you step out of the cycle you will find that it's not so scary. You'll feel better in every way and you can learn healthy ways to cope with life.
I had to make some lifestyle changes in order to stay sober. I changed my daily routine so that I was physically active (outside walking) in the early evening. That helped me a lot. I got rid of a few toxic people in my life which, surprisingly, opened the door for some wonderful new people to enter my life. I couldn't be around alcohol or people who were drinking for most of a year and that helped me establish new routines.
You will find lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,848
Hi Lateralus80 and welcome.
Your story is one I've read many times now and very similar to my own. I think you know how and what to do .
I to worried about being left out and i was but i don't care anymore. Im much happier being there for my wife and family. Im much happier missing out as really im missing nothing.
Keep sharing and posting you will get great advice here from everyone.
Your story is one I've read many times now and very similar to my own. I think you know how and what to do .
I to worried about being left out and i was but i don't care anymore. Im much happier being there for my wife and family. Im much happier missing out as really im missing nothing.
Keep sharing and posting you will get great advice here from everyone.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,984
to SR Lateralus.I find that the more I put into my recovery program the better my life is getting.
😊 I'm glad you are here with us
I think it’s safe to say that it’s normal to be scared….I sure was! 
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
Hey Lateralus, I could have written every word you just wrote. You sound a lot like me. It's nice to know I'm not alone.
For what it's worth, I'm just barely over a week in, and I'm already starting to feel a lot better about things.
This is a problem for me too. Right now I'm just not drinking, but if anything is going to throw me off track, it's going to be my social life. I'm seeking strategies for navigating this because I really don't want to give up my friends and hobbies, but I really do want to give up drinking. How do I stay sober while maintaining longtime hobbies and relationships that often involve drinking? It's a tough one.
I've done it before, and I remember those sober periods as peaceful times. If I'm completely honest, I do remember being kind of a hermit and not having a lot of adventures/fun during those years. To be successful this time, I think it will be imperative to remain active in the things I love to do with, perhaps, new people... but that just rings shallow. Sure, a lot of my friends drink. Sure, some of them drink too much, but they're still my friends; I like them a lot more than anybody I ever met at an AA meeting. This part is really, really hard for me after eight sober days.
Sorry for hijacking your thread. Just thinking out loud.
For what it's worth, I'm just barely over a week in, and I'm already starting to feel a lot better about things.
Almost everyone in my life drinks, friends, family, coworkers etc. I am scared of being left out and being known as the guy with the drinking problem.
I've done it before, and I remember those sober periods as peaceful times. If I'm completely honest, I do remember being kind of a hermit and not having a lot of adventures/fun during those years. To be successful this time, I think it will be imperative to remain active in the things I love to do with, perhaps, new people... but that just rings shallow. Sure, a lot of my friends drink. Sure, some of them drink too much, but they're still my friends; I like them a lot more than anybody I ever met at an AA meeting. This part is really, really hard for me after eight sober days.
Sorry for hijacking your thread. Just thinking out loud.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 746
The more time went on there was less upside to a drunk time and more downside. In the end the upside seemed to be staying on the couch and passing out. Not causing any problems, not saying or doing anything regretful, not getting arrested etc. More and more disasters and less and less good times.
After a while nothing good happens. Even when that intial ease and comfort of the first few drinks comes its accompanied by a cell door slamming shut. Its like you are stuck for the night in the prison of alcohol. Now we have to keep drinking as long our liquid master demands. Its all controlling. It controls so many of our decisions without us even realizing. Even that feeling of desperation waiting for a bartender to stop talking and just pour my damned drink already! That never happens when I drink club soda.
Once i could see that the awesome of "i don't have to drink" far outweighed (what i first thought was) the suck of "i can't drink", it was a big step.
After a while nothing good happens. Even when that intial ease and comfort of the first few drinks comes its accompanied by a cell door slamming shut. Its like you are stuck for the night in the prison of alcohol. Now we have to keep drinking as long our liquid master demands. Its all controlling. It controls so many of our decisions without us even realizing. Even that feeling of desperation waiting for a bartender to stop talking and just pour my damned drink already! That never happens when I drink club soda.
Once i could see that the awesome of "i don't have to drink" far outweighed (what i first thought was) the suck of "i can't drink", it was a big step.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,045
Hi Lateralus,
Welcome and congratulations on day one! This is an amazingly supportive community. Read and post daily, especially if you’re feeling like drinking. Looking forward to celebrating your sobriety journey with you.
❤️ Delilah
Welcome and congratulations on day one! This is an amazingly supportive community. Read and post daily, especially if you’re feeling like drinking. Looking forward to celebrating your sobriety journey with you.
❤️ Delilah
Member
Join Date: Oct 2022
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Lateralus80 
Hello everyone. Long time reader and drinker, first time poster. Im 42 years old and I am a binge/heavy drinker. I dont drink everyday but when I do drink there is no stopping until im ready to pass out. Im gonna say this is happening 2-3 times a week, and its scary how much I can drink. Im scaring myself and scaring my wife. She has had many conversations with me about stopping, quitting, slowing down etc. Its pretty much the only thing that causes stress in our relationship. I want to stop for me and for the sake of my relationship.
Like many here I have had periods of sobriety that have ranged from days to months. Every single time I have a decent period of sobriety I feel like a totally different person. I am in a better mood, I have energy, I lose weight, my skin looks better (my face is constantly red and puffy) I have confidence, I have little to no anxiety and my relationship is much better. However every single time I've stopped, I start again and I'm sick and tired of it. I'm getting older and worried about my mental, physical, and emotional health.
I feel I am ready to quit. I drank last night , was only going to be 1-2. Well 7-8 later wake up feeling like **** with sky high anxiety and just disappointed and beating myself up. I am ready to do this, but to be honest I am terrified. Almost everyone in my life drinks, friends, family, coworkers etc. I am scared of being left out and being known as the guy with the drinking problem. But at the same time I need to do this for me and for my health. I want my health and my life back because I feel like I have a huge weight on me holding me down.
I think this is a great little community and I have read many great stories of recovery here. I would like one day to be telling my story, and I want my story to start today.
Like many here I have had periods of sobriety that have ranged from days to months. Every single time I have a decent period of sobriety I feel like a totally different person. I am in a better mood, I have energy, I lose weight, my skin looks better (my face is constantly red and puffy) I have confidence, I have little to no anxiety and my relationship is much better. However every single time I've stopped, I start again and I'm sick and tired of it. I'm getting older and worried about my mental, physical, and emotional health.
I feel I am ready to quit. I drank last night , was only going to be 1-2. Well 7-8 later wake up feeling like **** with sky high anxiety and just disappointed and beating myself up. I am ready to do this, but to be honest I am terrified. Almost everyone in my life drinks, friends, family, coworkers etc. I am scared of being left out and being known as the guy with the drinking problem. But at the same time I need to do this for me and for my health. I want my health and my life back because I feel like I have a huge weight on me holding me down.
I think this is a great little community and I have read many great stories of recovery here. I would like one day to be telling my story, and I want my story to start today.
Usually what has "jump-started" me in the past, has been just being in a place without access for a day or 2. There have been times that I got rid of all the alcohol in the house and intentionally left my wallet at work over the week-end. This was always done though at a time of extreme disappointment in myself for taking it too far a night before. But like me, it sounds like the issue for you isn't stopping temporarily, it's the ability to avoid having the first one again. I wish you the best on your path - I know we can do it.
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