Papiwad

In the dark every minute of everyday and dragging my loved ones and people idk anymore that I be done no good for apparently ever in this 50 yrs of ****! But I’m here and despise that I’m just now having to deal and cope, I was okay with ending this life whenever that may be with me being that f up so I’m here today. Anyone relate?

Zencat

Welcome to SR Papiwad.

Yes, I can relate to being a huge mess when I was an active addict. Drugs came first and the rest of my life/relations were all tossed into the rubbish can. I am glad you are here to face your problems head-on. The first step is admitting that drugs and or alcohol have made your life a wreck. Please feel free to ask questions. Plenty of members/mods and myself included are here to help you stay sober.

Hevyn

Hi Papiwad. I'm glad you found us. This is a great place for encouragement & friendship.
I felt all alone until joining SR. I'd been drinking for decades & saw no way to get out of that life. Writing about how I felt helped me feel less anxious about trying to get sober. I made it - nearly 15 yrs. ago - and you can too.

VikingGF

Yup yup. Helpless, hopeless and defeated when I came back here (again) and asked for help. I got it, though, and my life has turned around. Yours can, too. Welcome to SR.

Papiwad

Thank you guys and I’m not feeling well just yet. Still in withdrawal and dealing with a direct hit from hurricane Ian. I’m still here for some reason who knows. I hope all of your lives are going good. Ty again for the response. It means a lot to me!!!

Hevyn

You will begin to feel better as you heal, Papi.

Zencat

Papiwad, withdrawal can be a real bother to overcome. Once it is over you'll be able to get your health in order. Staying clean/sober daily is the only way out of the mess we addicts get into. Hang in there, you can do this!

Papiwad

You guys are great and the support in this thread with that of my fiancé /almost x fiancé is a true blessing in all of this mess and want y’all to know how thankful I am even though these body aches and minor withdrawals compared to my heaviest drug days that your little bit of encouragement sees me through my darkest hour and I can’t wait to be helpful to others that are out there who need to hear that they too are not alone in this hellish ordeal we put our loved ones,close friends ,society,and at last ourselves through. Notice I put ourselves last in that last sentence? We put ourselves first and the selfishness that I know I have shown is a disgusting trait that I can’t stand to see or look in the mirror anymore! Speaking for me and probably thousands of others like me is just unbelievable how I have finally started to perceive myself and can’t do it another minute! Thank you for your support in the past couple of days. If I can help someone else who’s feeling even a smidge of what I’m going thru mentally I’m here anytime. I know that after 47 years of pure chaos and pain I’ve caused to my family,friends,co workers,bosses(to many to count) that I’m on a positive road to recovery. First time in my life I’ve ever felt a positivity towards recovery. So thank you guys for helping with that. Anyone else that’s not having at least a good attitude somewhat about the life ahead is going to be better should probably ask themselves if they are really ready to turn it around. I know I wasn’t when I was thinking negatively about my sobriety. You guys have helped with that and my fiancé is the greatest person I’ve ever known and I feal horrible about the way I’ve been these past 3 years and she is still here. She’s to the point of she looses if she stays because of how crappie I’ve been and she looses if she leaves because of how much she loves me. She’s just an awesome person and I **** on that,a lot!!! I’ve tried to do this for her in the past and resented her for it because I was selfish and wasn’t ready. I hurt the one person who’s been here for me the most and could not imagine my life without her but I understand if there’s heartache in this healing and so far I’m fortunate enough to make it right by her,and our family because they do support me more than I ever imagined they all did. They just couldn’t enable anymore and it took a long time for me to come to this realization in my head that there not gone I’m the one that is gone and isolated!! We’ve all missed out on all of life’s little treasures and I am truly sorry that it’s taken all this for me to realize it. I’m fortunate that I have survived this long and I’m very great full that they didn’t have to see me at my own funeral and at least I didn’t put that grief on them like some of my close friends that were good people with problems like ours that I myself have been thru along with their families had to endure because it is such a senseless death and if we really think about it,overdose by choice or not is really a selfish thing because for those that are fortunate to have family and loved ones in our lives,we’re only taking more from them and they don’t deserve any of it. Speaking for myself. I know some people don’t have loved ones or never did and those are the ones that my heart really goes out because without support it’s a loosing battle and if I can help those people in this thread than by God feel free to reach out because me helping other people like myself or even the less fortunate than me will in turn help my healing and recovery process and it WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU!!! Love guys and thanx again!!!

Papiwad

You guys are great and the support in this thread with that of my fiancé /almost c fiancé is a true blessing in all of this mess and want y’all to know how thankful I am even though this body aches and minor withdrawals compared to my heaviest drug days that your little bit of encouragement sees me through my darkest hour and I can’t wait to be helpful to others that are out there who need to hear that they too are not alone in this hellish ordeal we put our loved ones,close friends ,society,and at last ourselves through. Notice I put ourselves last in that last sentence? We put ourselves first and the selfishness that I know I have shown us a disgusting trait that I can’t stand to see or look in the mirror anymore! Speaking for me and probably thousands of others like me is just unbelievable how I have finally started to perceive myself and can’t do it another minute! Thank you for your support in the past couple of days. If I can help someone else who’s feeling even a smidge of what I’m going thru mentally I’m here anytime. I know that after 47 years of pure chaos and pain I’ve caused to my family,friends,co workers,bosses(to many to count) that I’m on a positive road to recovery. First time in my life I’ve ever felt a positivity towards recovery. So thank you guys for helping with that. Anyone else that’s not having at least a good attitude somewhat about the life ahead is going to be better should probably ask themselves if they are really ready to turn it around. I know I wasn’t when I wasn’t thinking positively about my sobriety. You guys have helped with that and my fiancé is the greatest person I’ve ever known and I feal horrible about the way I’ve been these past 3 years and she is still here. She’s to the point of she looses if she stays because of how crappie I’ve been and she looses if she leaves because of how much she loves me. She’s just an awesome person and I **** on that,a lot!!! I’ve tried to do this for her in the past and resented her for it because I was selfish and wasn’t ready. I hurt the one person who’s been here for me the most and could not imagine my life without her but I understand if there’s heartache in this healing and so far I’m fortunate enough to make it right by her,and our family because they do support me more than I ever imagined they all did. They just couldn’t enable anymore and it took a long time for me to come to this realization in my head that there not gone I’m the one that is gone and isolated!! We’ve all missed out on all of life’s little treasures and I am truly sorry that it’s taken all this for me to realize it. I’m fortunate that I have survived this long and I’m very great full that they didn’t have to see me at my own funeral and at least I didn’t put that grief on them like some of my close friends that were good people with problems like ours that I myself have been thru along with their families had to endure because it is such a senseless death and if we really think about it,overdose by choice or not is really a selfish thing because for those that are fortunate to have family and loved ones in our lives,we’re only taking more from them and they don’t deserve any of it. Speaking for myself. I know some people don’t have loved ones or never did and those are the ones that my heart really goes out because without support it’s a loosing battle and if I can help those people in this thread than by God feel free to reach out because me helping other people like myself or even the less fortunate than me will in turn help my healing and recovery process and it WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU!!! Love guys and thanx again!!!

Papiwad

Sorry still trying to figure out this thread thing. I’m not up to par yet and double posted. My apologies for being a bit old school when it comes to technology. lol

Dee74

No worries Papiwad - I'm glad you've joined us!

It sounds like you are ready to change

I think, no matter how long its been or how bad we get, there's always the change to write a different ending to our story.

Support really helps - and you'll find a lot of that here

D

Mizz

Addiction is very hard to recover from but we do recover. This forum has been a positive tool for so many people and I think it will a positive for you as well. Support is crucial. We are happy you are here.