Showed up again…
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Showed up again…
Went on vacation last week and it was so amazing to see family and just get away!
first day back at work yesterday and he shows up at 230 ish pm. Drunk…it is pretty amazing to me the cycles he goes through on just 1/2 hour of sitting here. First it’s the tears and he’s so sorry he was so horrible to me, then he “has cancer” and things are horrible, then he is responsible for getting us out here and everything that “I” have while he lives in a “sh!thole”… loves his job… yada yada yada. This time I felt… nothing for him. I am in a great place mentally and working on physically. Then he’s telling me to stop staring at him, stop blinking so much, sit down stop getting up, stop saying things; good heavens I don’t think I’m supposed to breathe around him. He said “do you want me back?” NO! Was my answer. “You don’t want me back?” No! Okay I’ll go. And he left. Thing is, he will not remember the conversation or possibly even that he stopped. So how is it that he’s sitting at his watering hole long enuff to get drunk if he worked yesterday? I know I shouldn’t care, and I don’t, not really. I do care about his well being and he doesn’t look good. But I know there’s nothing I can do.
first day back at work yesterday and he shows up at 230 ish pm. Drunk…it is pretty amazing to me the cycles he goes through on just 1/2 hour of sitting here. First it’s the tears and he’s so sorry he was so horrible to me, then he “has cancer” and things are horrible, then he is responsible for getting us out here and everything that “I” have while he lives in a “sh!thole”… loves his job… yada yada yada. This time I felt… nothing for him. I am in a great place mentally and working on physically. Then he’s telling me to stop staring at him, stop blinking so much, sit down stop getting up, stop saying things; good heavens I don’t think I’m supposed to breathe around him. He said “do you want me back?” NO! Was my answer. “You don’t want me back?” No! Okay I’ll go. And he left. Thing is, he will not remember the conversation or possibly even that he stopped. So how is it that he’s sitting at his watering hole long enuff to get drunk if he worked yesterday? I know I shouldn’t care, and I don’t, not really. I do care about his well being and he doesn’t look good. But I know there’s nothing I can do.
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
Ugh. That can't be comfortable, him showing up at your work. Hopefully that's a one off.
It sounds your perspective is coming from a healthier place and you can see the situation for what it is. It's sad but it's on him. And it's not likely he'll remember; if he does, maybe he'll remember that "no," and leave you be.
Do you have any recourse to limit his access to your workplace, if he keeps wandering by?
It sounds your perspective is coming from a healthier place and you can see the situation for what it is. It's sad but it's on him. And it's not likely he'll remember; if he does, maybe he'll remember that "no," and leave you be.
Do you have any recourse to limit his access to your workplace, if he keeps wandering by?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dear ScaryTime
I am so happy for you that you escaped that mess.
I borrow a phrase from one of my Facebook friends about "stealing oil." Your ex is an "oil thief." I think this is a universal problem with active addicts.
One day at a time!!!
I am so happy for you that you escaped that mess.
I borrow a phrase from one of my Facebook friends about "stealing oil." Your ex is an "oil thief." I think this is a universal problem with active addicts.
One day at a time!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
I actually work from home, sage1969. So not a whole lot I can do about him showing up. I don’t get upset anymore when I see him; mostly just so very sad for him. 😞 the glimpses that I have seen of him being a really great person are, I fear, a thing of the past. He is spiraling down and there’s nothing I can do to help him. At one point, when he was onto the “cancer” portion of his visit he looked at me and said “you don’t believe me do you”. I didn’t say anything and he moved into my success being all due to him. So I don’t know if he really is sick or… I can only pray and hope that he gets sober at some point and realizes all the beautiful things that life has to offer. Right now things are getting worse by day, I fear he may have lost his job.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Why is it that you continue to let him rant at you like he does?
When I broke up with crazy-guy I never answered the door to him again - and he did try for a while until I called the police.
Then he tried calling (before blocking was a thing, this was when we had machines that answered calls) and I stopped talking to him by saying (as soon as he identified himself,) "I have nothing to say to you." Then I hung up.
You really don't owe him a listening ear.
When I broke up with crazy-guy I never answered the door to him again - and he did try for a while until I called the police.
Then he tried calling (before blocking was a thing, this was when we had machines that answered calls) and I stopped talking to him by saying (as soon as he identified himself,) "I have nothing to say to you." Then I hung up.
You really don't owe him a listening ear.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
My intent was the next time he showed I wasn’t going to answer the door. I was sitting outside with my dog when he pulled up. Dog ran up to him as soon as he got out of his car.
I really believe he is harmless (to me anyway, if not to himself).
I really believe he is harmless (to me anyway, if not to himself).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,107
If it were me, and he showed up at my home drunk driving and left doing the same... who I am now, I would call the cops.
I regret that "the old me" didn't do anything about my AXH endangering innocent people with his STUPID, selfish behavior. The only reason I can sleep at night is that he never hurt (or worse) anyone. There are a lot of people out there that aren't so fortunate.
I regret that "the old me" didn't do anything about my AXH endangering innocent people with his STUPID, selfish behavior. The only reason I can sleep at night is that he never hurt (or worse) anyone. There are a lot of people out there that aren't so fortunate.
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