Powerless

Old 07-10-2002, 07:58 AM
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Unhappy Powerless

Hi all. Right now, I'm having a really hard time practicing powelessness. It was easy for me to practice it when refering to drugs and alcohol. What is hard is practicing powerlessness about someone I love and care about.

My girlfriend is on this insane crash diet of eating barely anything, working out, and taking Metabolife(basically herbal speed, ephedra). I'm trying to accept that I can talk till I'm blue in the face, or love her to death, but until she accepts her self, I am powerless.

I really don't know what the next right thing is....To stay with her and be patient, or make a healthy choice to save myself to avoid ruining my recovery.

I told her last night that I'm worried, and it doesn't bother her at all. She reminds me of me when I was activly using...selfish, not caring about anyone else.

So, reading the first 3 steps is EASY......it's practicing them that I stumble with.

Just for today, I am powerless over people, places and things. Just for today, I need to make healthy decisions.
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Old 07-10-2002, 09:56 AM
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Hi Matt!

It is indeed, hard to accept the notion of powerlessness when you see someone you love hurting themselves. But you ARE powerless. All you can do is say how you feel, then you have to let go.

Speaking as a sometimes insane crash dieter... you will probably reach her more readily by letting her know that you think she is beautiful and worthy just the way she is. A crash diet is a temporary thing, not a lifestyle. We resort to crashes when we're feeling hypercritical of ourselves. Your criticism of her choice of diet may be adding fuel to the fire. And don't fall into the trap of becoming so preoccupied with the welfare of another person, that you forget your own recovery. Manage yourself and let her manage herself.

Hugs,
Smoke
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Old 07-10-2002, 10:27 AM
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JT
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When we get into recovery we are focused on the addict or the addiction but much farther along we find that we must learn to "practice these principles in all our affairs"

It is hard to take a hands off policy with someone we love who may be making poor choices but that is all that we can do. I have done some wacky diets in my time and I know that I would not have listened to anyone tell me I was wrong because I am seeing the pounds come off. But like Smoke said, it is probably temporary. Most people cannot keep something like that up for very long. Be a supportive friend, but if you find it to be a trigger you may to keep it at arms length for a while.
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Old 07-10-2002, 04:10 PM
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Ann
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Hi Matt

I don't have much to add to the great responses above, but to say I agree that most "crash" diets are temporary, as are the results of such diets.

Unfortunately all you can do is look after yourself and your sobriety and perhaps offer encouragement and love, but recognize that you cannot "change" anyone.

Even if her diet were a symptom of an eating disorder, there would be nothing you could do.

What worries me in your post is that you feel this may jeopardize your own recovery. Anything that jeopardizes your recovery is worth a second thought, and not a good place for you to be for long. I would take some time to think about WHY you feel that way, and just what do you need to do to strengthen your reocvery. Make sure you are not looking for an excuse to relapse...and I say that with love in my heart. Pay very close attention to those dangerous feelings and do the do things to get past that.

So work your steps, go to your meetings and keep your focus on your own recovery. It will serve you well in the end.
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