timj120

Well AW had her yearly physical, blood tests, etc. Results came back with elevated liver enzymes, enlarged red blood cells.

Doctor told her she needs to stop drinking, come back in 6 weeks to test again.

she said “well guess I have to stop drinking.”

this same thing happened 3 years ago, where doctor told her to stop and she did for 6 weeks.

her drinking has progressed so much in those 3 years since, she’s deluding herself about how difficult this is going to be.

she is going cold turkey, white knuckling this. She still refuses to admit it’s a problem outside of the health issues, no rehab, no AA…just going to quit.

I have zero expectations, she may be able to get through 6 weeks, but just being sober is not going to change much.

Free2bme888

Oh man, Tim, been there, done that……

Hoping beyond hope that she gets the six weeks, then feels good enough to stay quit, and kind of knowing she’s not ready, because she was TOLD to quit. Usually doesn’t work in most cases.

Continued prayers as you learn and observe.

it’s so painful for you.

big hugs
🤓❤️

trailmix

I'm glad your expectations are low. I don't believe she will quit drinking for 6 weeks, not a chance. Although the drinking may go underground now.

How are you doing ?

Seren

I'm so sorry to read that she is now having health problems. But, I'm glad that you have a realistic view of the situation. It is never completely hopeless, but it is a larger battle than she is acknowledging to herself. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers.

timj120

I'm doing quite well actually, thanks for asking. I've gone to a couple al-anon meetings and think I found one that I'm comfortable with. Going to therapy every couple weeks, doing things for me, doing things for the kids now that it's summer break. That anxiety, that constant worrying, the trying to control the situation...all that's subsided recently.

trailmix

I'm really glad to hear that. Hopefully it will subside even more as time goes on, it won't disappear completely of course, you're still living in "the zone" but any relief from constant stress and worry is welcome I'm sure.

timj120

it sure is. So my AW spoke to her primary about changing up her anxiety meds. Out of the blue she said “we talked about Zoloft and how it can help with depression, but can also result in a decrease in finding joy in things, you should look into that.”

so I learned she’s talking about emotional blunting that sometimes happens with SSRIs.

it was a really weird statement for her to make. Why in the world is she talking to her doc about my meds?

second, I’ve found so much joy in the past few months. Joy in coaching my son’s sports teams, joy in playing video games with my daughter, joy in my work, joy in reading books and watching tv.

there are no moments of joy in my interactions with my AW. Nothing to do with my meds, just another example of her trying to place blame on anything but her addiction.

then just a few minutes ago, she comes to me and said “don’t judge me, but I have some wine left, and want to have some before I give it up.”

I said “no judgement” because that’s not my are of influence. But I have to say I 100% predicted she would pull the old “after TODAY I’m done” maneuver.

so predictable…it’s always tomorrow with addicts isn’t it?

Noelaus3

Tim I think your AW is expecting you to “find joy” in her drinking. Oh well….

I’ve followed your story and it seems you’ve come a long way in a short time figuring out what’s really going on. It’s taken me a bit longer but I feel pretty good these days too. My focus is my son and I. It really helped when I got my ex AH out of the house.

All the best.

Refiner

I’m in no way siding with your wife in any of this, but I was on Zoloft for years and years and for quite a few had very good results in feeling “normal” then I felt not only no lows, but no highs either. I’d lost my joy in anything and was just existing. We switched to Lexapro and it’s been an awesome fit for me for probably 20 years now. I feel absolutely NORMAL. (unlike before)

PeacefulWater12

My late AH was told to quit many times by our doctor. He managed to justify it all away. Kept drinking and it did kill him.

He was on very high dose anti-depressants, anti-anxiety tablets as well as other medications for the damage to his organs the alcohol was causing.

Our doctor tried him on several different types of anti-depressants over the years but none worked. But the real issue, of course, was the depressing liquid he was pouring into himself everyday. Also his outlook on the world. Blaming outwardly instead of addressing his inner issues and healing his traumas. Having no other coping mechanism than his wine/whisky.

Once I did my inner work, my whole world changed.

trailmix

Well that's a darn good question. It is warped thinking! It's also really convenient.

mylifeismine

My take on the meds-
She is talking to her doc about changing her meds and zoloft was one of the choices.
The doc probably mentioned the possible side effects of each/all.

She mentioned one of the side effects to you in an underhanded way to ---- drum roll please....
Blame you for everything. See - you are taking the med that is sapping the joy.........

The hallmark of addiction recovery in my opinion is taking personal responsibility and
no longer blaming others for ones own self created misery. She is in active addiction,
which you have no control over other than your own personal responsibility to keep
you & your children in a safe and sane environment. Do what you have to to do for
you & your kids. She is making her destructive & damaging choices and you dam
well have a right to make your own!

dandylion

tim.......I wonder how the childdren's relationship with their mother going.....at least, outwardly?

timj120

it’s actually been better. Ever since I talked about how we’ve all been walking on eggshells, and we’re not sure what mood she’ll be in, she’s been much more patient with the kids!

dandylion

tim...I am glad to hear that!

Free2bme888

Agree she mentioned she talked to Dr about YOUR meds to get your goat…….

She wishes she would enjoy drinking, and actually all the joy is gone out of her life, so if she can’t drink, she’s looking for something outside herself to ‘make her happy’.

You sound strong, focused, and like you are actively healing.

Big hugs to you and the girls
🤓❤️