He love -bombed me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2022
Posts: 4
He love -bombed me.
He love-bombed me in the beginning. I didn’t know anything about these behaviors and then when I found out this was an actual thing, everything clicked and I felt so much better. I’d been blaming myself and there’s no need.
I’d never made anything or anyone so happy and the euphoria from early on was everything to me. All of this talk about soulmates and magic. Was like a fairy tale. He complimented me. My love language for certain is words of affirmation and I bought into it fully.
Then he drank more and more and pulled away. He stonewalled me constantly, ignoring me for days at a time.
And there was 3 years of me pathetically begging for what it used to be and the more that happened the more he pulled away and was mean. “I used to make you so happy” I’d say, crying. Gah! What was I thinking!?
The strongest thing I did was walk away and do no contact. It’s the hardest thing ever and I still go through a million emotions a day, from feeling powerful and happy to sad and longing of knowing there’s not going to be an “us” anymore.
The best advice after that I was told,” it took a lot of strength to walk away, now take your strength with you and keep walking.”
I’d never made anything or anyone so happy and the euphoria from early on was everything to me. All of this talk about soulmates and magic. Was like a fairy tale. He complimented me. My love language for certain is words of affirmation and I bought into it fully.
Then he drank more and more and pulled away. He stonewalled me constantly, ignoring me for days at a time.
And there was 3 years of me pathetically begging for what it used to be and the more that happened the more he pulled away and was mean. “I used to make you so happy” I’d say, crying. Gah! What was I thinking!?
The strongest thing I did was walk away and do no contact. It’s the hardest thing ever and I still go through a million emotions a day, from feeling powerful and happy to sad and longing of knowing there’s not going to be an “us” anymore.
The best advice after that I was told,” it took a lot of strength to walk away, now take your strength with you and keep walking.”
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,703
Well the good news is, you have come to this realization early. It's not about you, or about the two of you together, it's just about him and his drinking (and now attempting sobriety).
It's common for alcoholics (well all people really) to be on their best behaviour initially, in a relationship (or heck, anywhere, work etc). That can only be maintained for so long. He may have cut down on his drinking somewhat, avoided avoiding you when he was drunk/hungover/depressed/anxious, but it not easy to do that for long.
It will hurt for a while, you are grieving the relationship that has just ended and also the hope you had that things could go back to the way they were. You will get through this though and there will be happier days ahead.
Sometimes it's helpful (if you tend to ruminate on the "good times") to write a list of all the negatives. Just a short, concise list you can refer to when you start down that path.
- Always late when picking me up
- Would cancel plans because he was drinking
- Would be grouchy and mean for days after drinking
- Never wanted to attend anything where alcohol wasn't served
- Yelled at me for inconsequential things
You get the idea. Keep the list handy, on paper or on your phone and refer to it as often as needed, even 10 times a day to start, add to it as things come to mind. It helps to keep in mind that it wasn't all sunshine and roses and there is a reason you two are no longer together.
It's common for alcoholics (well all people really) to be on their best behaviour initially, in a relationship (or heck, anywhere, work etc). That can only be maintained for so long. He may have cut down on his drinking somewhat, avoided avoiding you when he was drunk/hungover/depressed/anxious, but it not easy to do that for long.
It will hurt for a while, you are grieving the relationship that has just ended and also the hope you had that things could go back to the way they were. You will get through this though and there will be happier days ahead.
Sometimes it's helpful (if you tend to ruminate on the "good times") to write a list of all the negatives. Just a short, concise list you can refer to when you start down that path.
- Always late when picking me up
- Would cancel plans because he was drinking
- Would be grouchy and mean for days after drinking
- Never wanted to attend anything where alcohol wasn't served
- Yelled at me for inconsequential things
You get the idea. Keep the list handy, on paper or on your phone and refer to it as often as needed, even 10 times a day to start, add to it as things come to mind. It helps to keep in mind that it wasn't all sunshine and roses and there is a reason you two are no longer together.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2021
Posts: 127
Mine no longer drinks. I've never known him as a drinker. But he's horrible sober. He also love bombed me. He's broken my heart. I'm 18 months in. I ended it Thursday. But I'm still numb and want him to be real. But he isn't. He's not real. He never loved me and just lied all the time.
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Join Date: Mar 2022
Posts: 29
The last drunken day before I told him to leave I actually hit the voice recorder on my phone. I have two short recordings of him calling me a b**ch and accusing me of ruining everything, then him knocking things into the wall. The next day he was remorseful and saying he was going to get help....then two days after that the all caps angry texts began coming. (He obviously hasn't stopped drinking). I have gone back and listened to those recordings, and also read the angry texts... And my emails I write to him defending myself. These all REALLY help. If I ever start missing the good times I go and listen or read those and it reminds me that he is no longer the person I was attracted to. That's not who he is.... He's the angry and emotional unpredictable alcoholic. So....Yes, make the list!
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