Sasha4

Hi

I don't have anyone else to talk about this with.
I've messed up.

I let my anger get the better of me at work and there is no way back.
I've not lost my job but I need to leave.
The only mitigating factors I have are I am tired, nervous and stressed.
I let my manager down in front of new clients.
I behaved really badly. No excuses at all, I was awful.

I feel so cross and disappointed with myself.
I wish I could run away.
I wish I could disappear now.

I wanted to post here because I have no-one to confide in face to face.
I cause nothing but upset, grief and pain.

Thanks for listening

Surrendered19

Hang in there Sasha.

In your shoes, I might get right on trying to make some amends with your boss, and perhaps the new clients if possible?

"I'm so sorry about how I acted today. I have no excuse that would justify my behavior. I am here for this company, this client and this project."

I have to believe that there is always a way back and some measure of redemption to be had. Even if your future does not include working there any longer, I think trying to repair as much as you can will serve you well going forward.

I'm sorry you are feeling so down and hopeless. I think there is cause for hope but it will take some action on your part.

silentrun

I have been knowing you through your postes the last nine years. You have a good head on your shoulders. If that was a screw up then it was and you'll take responsibility and deal. If that was your way of signaling to yourself that you need to get out of there then you will.

Time2bfree

Hi Sasha. Without really knowing all the details, I can assure you that it most likely seems worse to you than it does to anyone else. If you’ve made a mistake, own up to it, discuss it and then move on. Try not to beat yourself up over it. Try to channel your energy into something positive instead of reliving everything that happened over and over again.

FiveTries

Everybody makes mistakes.
I'm a master at beating myself up too, but what's done is done. We can only move forward.

Sasha4

Since returning to work on Monday I have tried to be more positive.
I think its too late though.
Whats done is done.

It's a shame because I had an okay profile at work.
My boss thought highly of me.
I've wiped that impression out with my own bad attitude.
I don't know how I could be so stupid especially at a time like this, when jobs are scarce and the cost of living is increasing.

Thanks for all trying to make me feel better

Anna

Sasha, you might be judging yourself and the situation too harshly. Everyone makes mistakes and if you've proven yourself at the company, they might be more understanding than you expect.

Dee74

Hi Sasha

A lot of us suffer from black and white thinking - and a lot of us expect perfection from ourselves.

The truth is, people screw up at work - they have meltdowns, they make mistakes.

It doesn't mean that you're not up to the job or that you can't put this incident behind you.

I remember the struggle you had to find this job and how happy you were when you got it - you've been there a while now - don't burn any bridges yet.

Talk to people, apologise, explain.

In most cases, the situation is salvageable

That is demonstrably not true...but I understand the leap from a mistake at work to that.

A lot of us beat ourselves up way too harshly.

You made a mistake - people - all kinds of people - do that

D

stickyone

If I'm reading correctly you still have your job. Which is a positive. We all make mistakes. I too beat myself up for mistakes and am really hard on myself. The only dumb mistake is the one you do not learn something from. Maybe some time off to reflect in your mental and physical health. Give it some time a call to your boss when you feel up to it. In my experience people tend to forget faster than we do about the situation.

Hodd

What Dee says.

Find the right time and have a chat with the people involved.

If you leave, that will be burning bridges. It’s a small world.

Hope it works out. You’ve got a lot more level-headedness than many who’d just walk out. You took the time to cool off - sounds like you’re not cool just yet - and now you can work this out. I reckon you’ll be admired more at work after this simmers down. Good luck, and well done for thinking it through.

Sasha4

I still have my job yes.
However I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb for what I did.

Without going into too much detail I felt under pressure and lashed out.
My 2 closest work colleagues even said I behaved unprofessionally, although they understood why to a small extent.

I've just messed up and have to accept it.
I expected to be treated in a certain way and I had no right.
I think its time to look for a job where I come into contact with no-one else or as few people as possible.

dustyfox

If your boss thought you had crossed a line that badly you would have lost your job, you haven't - so after some soul searching can you go and talk to your boss and sort it out. Be honest with him/her and take it from there. What ever you did will be yesterdays chip paper by next month.

advbike

We all have bad days, Sasha. Stuff happens. As the others said, it is a tendency among us to view ourselves more negatively than others do.

The important thing is to step back and look at it unbiased, own up to whatever you need to, state how you will correct your behavior - if that is even required.. and move on. There may have been really valid reasons you lashed out, unprofessional or not. Think about what those might be and how to air them differently.

You will be fine Sasha.

Dee74

You still have your job so there's no need to pack it in.
Your bosses have given you a vote of confidence

DustyFox is right - things like this are next weeks chip paper.

Use it as a growth experience Sasha, not something to run away from?

D

Free2bme888

OMG. It’s ok. It OKAY🥰

I have been an absolute jerk in the past, although rarely. Maybe took about two weeks for people to forget and move on. The people that didn’t, well, let’s say they must NEVER mess up, eh?😂

Not……

Take some breaths, ride a couple weeks, no rash decisions. Maybe something will come that will help you make amends, a new project or presentation perhaps?

Delilah1

Hi Sasha,

Since this happened with your boss, and it’s continuing to weigh on you find a time to speak with them and address the situation. Apologize for your behavior in that situation, and share your plan to handle things differently moving forward, also, be prepared to listen to any feedback they may have to give. I think you will be able to move on after having this conversation. If you still feel like you need to look for another position you can do so.

Everyone makes mistakes, it’s what we learn from them moving forward that’s important.

❤️Delilah

RunningScared

Whatever you do, don't quit your current job until you have something else lined up.

silentrun

I Don't think most people judge others on one incident. None of us would pass muster if that were the case.

elihoping

Thanks for your post Sasha. I also had a meltdown in work yesterday and am on a shame spiral today. I knew I was heading for one as well because I was getting very stressed but instead of taking a break and calming down, I blew up instead. I hope, in a week's time, that this will all have blown over for you.

Dee74

Sorry you are having troubles too Eli.

How are you going Sasha?

D