LovelyKaya33333

Hi everyone.... So I kinda had a strange exchange with my exAH. He texted me on Christmas Eve and I replied cordially... he then sent me a video of a scene from a show he is watching which I will admit was endearing... When I said.."That was a sweet scene"... he wrote and said he had sent it to like 20 people and said "I’m just bored and had a sips(drinks) so I’m being silly"....... Mind you, he was supposed to be sober... had a day count and all....

It was so odd.. cause in my own selfish way I felt relieved... I hate to admit that but I did... Relieved that he didn't just pack his bags 7 months ago and leave me and stop drinking .... I also felt sad ...sad for him and the ultimate outcome of his life... but what I didn't feel was anxious... it was AMAZING to not feel anxious about his drinking. I didn't feel the need to "talk to him about it"... or to call him out on it... His next sentence was...

"I’ve been doing it a lot less but once in a while I still do. Trying to find other hobbies but mostly just work all the time and fine with that." He went on to explain that since he Is working so many hours he can only drink when he is not working so that is his management of drinking....
I just wrote back and said "Glad you found a way to manage your drinking".... for the first time ever I understood it had nothing to do with me... I didn't need to fix him... We all know of course that there is zero way a person can go from drinking a bottle of vodka a day (750ml) for decades to "Managing his drinking"..... It is always always always a slippery slope... I no longer feel jealous if he were to meet another woman... I feel sorry for his future girlfriend/wife.... And not in a cold or angry way... but honestly scared for anyone else who falls in love with him.

Above everything else I felt relieved... relieved that I wasn't there with him... feeling like he would drink and drive in this rainy weather... feeling him so checked out... watching him make cocktail after cocktail after cocktail while professing that he "has his drinking under control now".... My god, the feeling I used to get inside me when he worked tons of hours and his only free time he spent was on drinking... sure with his kids sometimes but always with a buzz...

Life with him just doesn't suit me anymore... and as I went to bed on Christmas Eve... ( even with all I had been through with my recent miscarriage) I put on my favorite show... took a bubble bath and was thankful for my clear headed mind and peace in me knowing I for sure made the right decision in filing for divorce...

trailmix

That sounds like a really nice evening.

I understand what you are saying about being relieved, don't take it to heart. I'm sure there was always that niggling feeling of, is it just us? Just me? But even in normal relationships, if the people aren't suited they just aren't - no foul.

Lots of alcoholics "control" their drinking by not drinking during work hours - : )

Well I also wish him well and that some day he actually, really, does get a handle on it.

In the meantime, I'm happy you are feeling content!

PeacefulWater12

I hear your relief and it is valid. Sometimes we need to know that it wasn't us, it was them all along.

I am finding validation now AH has passed in all manner of things. Brings peace and relief. In their sickness, they always blame their loved ones.

Your evening sounds lovely.

velma929

As much as I loved Late AH, there was a part of me relieved that I didn't have to deal with his drinking any more when he passed.

PeacefulWater12

I can understand you feeling that way, Velma.

Eauchiche

Kind of a surprising way to get affirmed that you made good decisions in his case.
Sometimes, God gives us gifts wrapped in very strange packages.

Payne9

It’s always nice to get validation of your decision. It’s so hard and you’re doing so amazing !!