Constantwtf

Hey there! As Ive posted before, boyfriend is in recovery and has about 115 days sober. He’s experiencing major Anhedonia, and just doesnt seem to care about anything. Last year we spent the holidays together with our children (from past marriages) and his family. This year my son and I weren’t invited, and I am getting a few hours of his time tonight after work…thats the plan at least. But I am just feeling so down about it…in my head Im thinking…if we were invited last year, exchanged gifts with the kids, spent quality time…why are we back tracking this year? I mean, I know WHY….hes in recovery…is he just not thinking about it? I even threw out that I had got his parents gifts, but still…no invite. Ugh

trailmix

I have to say that sucks - even if his reasons are wholly pure (recovery). It can't be nice to be on the receiving end of that. Is he thinking about it, maybe, I would think so, but if he is still suffering from anhedonia, he can't actually care. That's got to be hard (and also very weird for him). Under those circumstances I can see why a person wouldn't really want to be around anyone else, it's not easy to pretend to be caring or happy etc. I'm sure you have been in situations (maybe now) where you have to put on a brave face and act normal even though that is not how you are feeling.

I hope he shows up tonight. I guess you will have to decide as you go along if this is ok. It has to be very hurtful.

velma929

I can't read the old folks' minds, but I can tell you what happened in my family.

Thanksgiving rolled around, and Bro and wife - given the rise in disease transmission, sadly told relatives that only those who had been vaccinated were welcome. We qualified on that count- but Partner came down with a breakthrough case of Covid three days before Thanksgiving. Then one of the unvaccinated relatives (who accepted not coming) sent her three children off to visit her ex-husband and paternal grandparents. She decided to tell everyone the day *after* thanksgiving that she'd tested positive for Covid. (smh at the thoughtlessness)

I think that put the fear of something in them. They canceled Christmas plans with everyone except their own children. I don't blame them. At 75 and 70 or so, in pretty good health otherwise, they're keeping gatherings as small as possible. Even their children aren't coming on the same day. This means that with my current partner visiting his grown kids and their children, I'm alone this week. (I work retail, so no vacations between Thanksgiving and New Year for me.)

If he's visiting them, they're the hosts and they decide who to invite. They may be trying to limit how many people they socialize with. Otherwise - are you thinking they don't support his sobriety?

If you don't live together, and your bf is the host, I can still see keeping the older folks exposed to as few people as possible. It does look like he's being a bit scattered about it. I wrestle with depression myself. My ability to plan things well and communicate those plans varies a lot from one week to the next.