Things I will not say to AH so I will place them here and let it go.
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Things I will not say to AH so I will place them here and let it go.
If asking you not to drink all day every day is asking you to change who you are as a person or everything about you and it causes this much discord and anger, I don't know how to move forward. Well we simply don't, unless things remain the same. I am not accepting that as a contiuned way of life.
You don't have to change. And I am certainly not responsible for your anger towards me for asking if you would like to live a healthier life. It seems like I asked you to cut off your life line. In your reality, maybe it felt that way. Stonewalling makes it impossible to really ever know. You're really great at that. That's okay, I might not understand, I don't have to be hurt by it, I don't need to assume (work in progress), and ultimately that's for you to work out.
In order to have/start a family biologically or adopted, being healthy and functional is not an unreasonable request, it is not wrong or crazy. It is vital and I will not apologize, make myself small, or change my mind on something so significant. I will keep and maintain this boundary whether you side with me or not. I will not (or atleast do my best not to) beg, plead, hold anger, or react as I would have in the past. I will acknowledge that I am a badass woman, loving, and if I choose, can always fulfill this dream on my own at some point.
I will not, will NOT start a family in these conditions. That is my boundary and value on family. It is cemented. It does not need justification. That's just healthy, responsible, and protective of whatever little being enters my life.
I feel like you painted a picture for 7 years that you would do whatever it took to have a family and be healthy. I know you beleived it to be true in the moments you said it. Well the painting has dried. The finished painting is a different masterpiece and it is not as promised. That's okay, I'll give that one to God, I have too.
You will do what you want and I can and will do the same. I have a choice to obsession over things I cannot control. Or I can accept that you will not change and if there is a moment where you do, it will be short lived because you do not want a sober life. You have shown me, I chose not listen. That is on me. I am listening now. And it will be okay.
I can not contiune to try bend and alter outcomes to avoid the fall out. Sometimes things need to fall apart because the energy it takes to hold it all together will lead to the fall out eventually.
I have the choice to work on living a fulfilled life with bits of happiness, gratitude, and love. This is my choice. I will contiune to invest my energy into this life. It may be bumpy and painful at times but I got this. I may have strong waves of acceptance and the lack thereof, but I will get there. I've always had this. Because living with an alcoholic requires strength, compassion, and endurance that others can not fathom. I was strong and independent before this. That is still me. I am just in the process of reclaiming it. I will find grace.
Thank you for letting me place this here.
You don't have to change. And I am certainly not responsible for your anger towards me for asking if you would like to live a healthier life. It seems like I asked you to cut off your life line. In your reality, maybe it felt that way. Stonewalling makes it impossible to really ever know. You're really great at that. That's okay, I might not understand, I don't have to be hurt by it, I don't need to assume (work in progress), and ultimately that's for you to work out.
In order to have/start a family biologically or adopted, being healthy and functional is not an unreasonable request, it is not wrong or crazy. It is vital and I will not apologize, make myself small, or change my mind on something so significant. I will keep and maintain this boundary whether you side with me or not. I will not (or atleast do my best not to) beg, plead, hold anger, or react as I would have in the past. I will acknowledge that I am a badass woman, loving, and if I choose, can always fulfill this dream on my own at some point.
I will not, will NOT start a family in these conditions. That is my boundary and value on family. It is cemented. It does not need justification. That's just healthy, responsible, and protective of whatever little being enters my life.
I feel like you painted a picture for 7 years that you would do whatever it took to have a family and be healthy. I know you beleived it to be true in the moments you said it. Well the painting has dried. The finished painting is a different masterpiece and it is not as promised. That's okay, I'll give that one to God, I have too.
You will do what you want and I can and will do the same. I have a choice to obsession over things I cannot control. Or I can accept that you will not change and if there is a moment where you do, it will be short lived because you do not want a sober life. You have shown me, I chose not listen. That is on me. I am listening now. And it will be okay.
I can not contiune to try bend and alter outcomes to avoid the fall out. Sometimes things need to fall apart because the energy it takes to hold it all together will lead to the fall out eventually.
I have the choice to work on living a fulfilled life with bits of happiness, gratitude, and love. This is my choice. I will contiune to invest my energy into this life. It may be bumpy and painful at times but I got this. I may have strong waves of acceptance and the lack thereof, but I will get there. I've always had this. Because living with an alcoholic requires strength, compassion, and endurance that others can not fathom. I was strong and independent before this. That is still me. I am just in the process of reclaiming it. I will find grace.
Thank you for letting me place this here.
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