flower959

I'm so stressed out. I have so much to do at work but here I am trying to seek support because I'm consumed. It's hard to focus. This is insane. The insanity of the AH saying things that do NOT make any sense; he has the victim mentality of his entire life. He brings up incidences of things that happened prior to our marriage (which I had completely forgotten about), he talks about the bullying he experienced from a boy when he was 12 years old (the boy pushed him into the locker once and it scarred him for LIFE), his hands are cold and he acts like it's the worse thing in the world. Everything is so ESCALATED. The attention seeking behavior is amazing. It's insanity to me. He mocks me now, he's resorted to calling me names (but it's been a week or 2 since the last one), he tells me that my mother would say that I'm brutal and evil, the reason why he drinks is because my father (may he RIP) offered him a shot of Jack Daniels on wedding day to calm his nerves. He says things then denies it the next day saying that I'm misinterpreting and not listening. I know what gaslighting is. He follows me whenever we fight because he needs the last word; he's desperately trying to make me "see it his way" or persuade me. He snooped and found my personal journal; claimed he read only first few pages (I call BS on that). He used it against me. I'm aware of intimation & manipulation I'm aware of this cycle of abuse we're in. He's baiting me and I'm falling for it. I've got to keep my cool and my head on straight. I've got to put on my business hat so I can save myself.

I know that it gets progressively worse. I can't imagine what that looks like anymore. I'm in hell already. But I will not remain in this. I will NOT be his punching bag. The darkness and anger seeping into me is something I can't live with. I deserve better than this.

I seek support for my continued strength to move forward with action. My attorney will help me. My mom and sister will help me. Please tell me that I can do this. Tell me that I can walk away from the man that was taken by alcohol. He's no longer a kind person. He's no longer who I married.

venuscat

Dearest flower,

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. s
Your strength is amazing....keep getting the help you need and know that you can do this.
And now you have the support of this community as well. xx ❤️

trailmix

Flower, I for one absolutely, 100 percent believe you have the strength to do this. You know why? Because you have clarity, because you can see exactly what's going on here and because you know you need to protect yourself.

With that combination, the way forward is so clear. You can't un-see that, some things are not to be settled for and this is certainly one of those things. Just look at your front door, that's all that's standing between you, in that hell and the rest of the world.

sage1969

Flower, I have faith that you have the strength in yourself to know what you need and what you need to do. Please continue to post here for support. Many of us have been through what you are experiencing.

Helpful links on this forum:
About Abuse
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html (About Abuse)

How to leave
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...how-leave.html (How to leave)

dandylion

flower......if your goal is to save yourself....one of the major keys that I see for those who have that goal, is to be willing to get the soupprt of those who have the ability to give the kind of help that is needed to move forward.
It can be too hard and too overwhelming to move forward, alone., for many people. Especially, those who have been sooo worn down by living in the destructive environment.

The are m any sources of help for those who are willing to reach out for it.

flower959

Goal is to get out of this very toxic and unhealthy situation. It's not going to change unless I do something to make it change.

I'm so disappointed, heartbroken, angry, and so very tired.

PeacefulWater12

Very sorry for your situation, you can do it. You can get away, you will find the strength to save yourself.

Thinking of you.

sage1969

That you recognise this is a toxic and unhealthy situation is a first very important step that you've taken. Many people are unable to see it for what it is.

Now that you know you have changes to make, start doing them, even if it's tiny steps at a time. Maybe start with your support network: reach out to your atty, mother, sisters, let them know you need to work on your plan for the next few months. If there is a DV center in your area, or if your fatty can recommend one, reach out to them also. They can be very good support for what steps to make next.

dandylion

flower, would you be interested in knowing the best sources for help that have the ability and williness to help you?

Free2bme888

You are right, You don’t deserve the terrible treatment. Yes, you can do this, it will be hard, and that in itself is embarrassing and frustrating, when outsiders think it’s a no brainer.

Be safe. Utilize that lawyers experience and knowledge on how to get out SAFELY. Glad you have family for support too 🙏🏼❤️