Mysteryman

Sorry to report that after 5 months sober at the start of the year, I've been drunk nearly every day since mid June. Not really sure what happened apart from complacency probably. I was feeling fit and healthy and I went for a short vacation and drank. The weather was nice and Covid restrictions were easing. Why not I thought. It was summer and I enjoyed myself. But it's well past the time for me to stop again.
I've put on about 20lbs in weight and feel disgusting. Today is day 2 without a drink. Terrible sleep the past 2 nights, but I feel a resolve to continue to not drink for the foreseeable and to get as healthy as I can.

I suppose I'm posting this for accountability. Thanks for listening.

MythOfSisyphus

I'm glad you're back and trying again, @Mysteryman!

Robbie64

Welcome back to SR Mysteryman. Good that you are reaching out for sobriety again. Complacency is one of the biggest causes of relapsing, or at least it always has been for me. I think we always need to be on our guard against certain circumstances which may cause a relapse. A holiday, sunny weather and the lifting of covid restrictions are probably up there. However it is getting through these without drinking that helps strengthen sobriety.

Hopefully your sleeping problems can resolve soon and you can feel better and stronger.

ClearPath64

Welcome back Mysteryman. Hopefully the sleep issue levels off in a few days, like it did for me. I'm only 60 days in, but am certain that this is my last attempt at sobriety. No forseeable future. Forever. I finally convinced myself that alcohol doesn't make summer, fall, spring, or winter any more enjoyable. Quite the contrary. Getting my mind and body healthy, and the mental clarity that comes with that, is so much better. Best of luck to you.

AL48

Welcome back MM. Did the same a few years back but unfortunately took another few to get straight again. Just remember how good it feels when sober. I know i cant drink in moderation or just one it just doesn't work i have tried many times 🙃.

Erratic

welcome back mysteryman! good job on 2 days x

anxiousrock

Welcome back. I'm on day 3 today.
you can do this.

Mizz

It is good you are here. Welcome back!

Mysteryman

Thanks everybody.
Ive been through this countless times now and Im truly sick of it.
Its frightening how drinking is entwined into so many aspects of my life. Nearly every occasion I have come to associate with drinking, so its a tough task to navigate it all without constant triggers.

lessgravity

Welcome back MM. It takes a few times, some times a lot of times, for most of us to kick the habit. What are you going to do differently this time to fortify and protect your sobriety? What's the plan?

Mysteryman

Good question. I'm going to focus on becoming healthy, one day at a time. Reminding myself that I don't need to be poisoning myself because it always ends up feeling like this. Focusing on work, my family and better hobbies that don't associate with drinking. Coming on here as much as possible. I'm not much of a poster but I take things from reading other threads. I've never been good at long term planning, so trying to get better at that. That's about it for now really.

lessgravity

Sounds like a good start. I used to be asked that question all the time here, before I got sober - what's the plan? It used to frustrate me until something clicked and I realized the plan was everything. Accepting that I could never drink again became part of my plan. It may not have been there in full on day one, but the seed of it was, and it grew. Post and stick around here - that was essential to me as well.

Fusion

Welcome back Mysteryman, your plan sounds positive and well done on your Day 2!

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Mysteryman. The complacency did me in multiple times too, even after I had begun posting here on SR for a while.

I wish I could share a magic/silver bullet with you on how to overcome those associations, but I fear there are no easy ways out of the mess we create for ourselves. And yes, it's very tough - but do remember that WE are the ones that associate things with drinking, not the things themselves. For me it really didn't matter what the activity was - i always had a beer in my hand or close by 365 days a year, 24/7. So in essence, it's impossible to avoid all the "triggers" as we create most of them in our own minds. Mowing the lawn? Better go buy a 12 pack in case I run out. Going on vacation to visit the inlaws? Better make sure I have a spare 12 pack in the trunk. Going camping for the weekend? Make sure I find a campground with a bar or a convenience store close so I can get more beer if I run out of my stash.

The solution for me was acceptance of my addiction. By that I mean accepting that there is something about me that cannot ever be changed which will not allow me to drink alcohol without consequences. It's not fair, and there is really no logical answer as to why I am that way, but I accept that I am indeed that way.

Anna

Welcome back, Mysterman and good job on Day 2.

As Lessgravity said, 'I realized the plan was everything'. That was true for me and making lifestyle changes to support my recovery helped a lot.

Mysteryman

Yes you're right- I think it can be a bit frustrating that question, but I've come to understand the whole having a plan thing now and how important it is, otherwise it's all to easy to end up forgetting what you're doing and slipping back into the mindset of drinking again all to easily. Probably much like anything in life. Anything I've achieved of note has happened because I had a good plan. It's not fully formed at the moment but I'm working on it.

Mysteryman

Yeah that sounds like me too. I can usually find it easier to avoid going out and buying booze from a store.
Here in the UK, there's so many pubs and bars around, and all of my work, social and family life often surrounds "going for a pint" for almost any reason whatsoever. And its never just a pint. Thats the hardest aspect for me now, the social scene, which I'm trying to figure out.

SouthernSober

Welcome back.

Hodd

Hi MM, sorry to be reading this. **** happens and as you say we were coming out of Covid times in the U.K.

I bet that 20lb weight gain is hard to take, but that’s not such a big issue. You know how you gained the weight (drinking) so if you stop, eat well and do even light exercise, you could lose all that weight healthily on 10 weeks or so.

The bigger issue is this:

You do realise you’ve crossed the line into alcohol dependency? The likes of us can’t have just the one or drink for a few days and stop. We’re addicts and will drink and drink and drink if we start again. If there is a “foreseeable”, it’ll have to be in a next life I’m afraid. It took me a few years to get my head around this, but I’m glad I did.

Use the 20lb weight loss (I lost 50lbs in 8 months and the first 20 of that came off in two and a half months) as a springboard to a better you.

Mysteryman

I will do.

I've made it to Friday and day 4 and I think I'm over the worst of it now. Eating well and going for long walks is helping.