Dad died from alcohol related issue
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: England
Posts: 7
Dad died from alcohol related issue
Hey everyone, first post here, hopefully it's in the right place!
I recently lost my father. The official cause of death was Decompensated Alcoholic Liver Disease. I last spoke with him on the 4th February, he was rushed to hospital on the 6th after his partner found him collapsed and then he was gone by the 12th. Everything has happened so quickly, I'm not sure how to feel.
Obviously I was aware that he had issues with alcohol but apparently I never knew the full extent. I understand that addicts hide things and play the severity of their problems down when speaking to people. I have my own issues with alcohol so I get it. Proud to say though, that I'm seven months sober at this point.
My dad lived three hours away so I didn't see him all that much in recent years. I can remember the last time he came to visit; September 2020 - I thought then how rough he looked and I tried to talk to him about his drinking in the weeks after but he always said he was fine. I suppose I'll always wonder if I could've pushed more for him to go into treatment but I think I know that ultimately, he didn't want to.
Anyway, I just needed to share this somewhere. I'm thirty-one years old and nobody I know that is around the same age as me has lost a parent or had any experience of alcoholism so I guess I'm just feeling a little isolated even though the people around me have all been wonderful.
Anybody here gone through anything similar?
I recently lost my father. The official cause of death was Decompensated Alcoholic Liver Disease. I last spoke with him on the 4th February, he was rushed to hospital on the 6th after his partner found him collapsed and then he was gone by the 12th. Everything has happened so quickly, I'm not sure how to feel.
Obviously I was aware that he had issues with alcohol but apparently I never knew the full extent. I understand that addicts hide things and play the severity of their problems down when speaking to people. I have my own issues with alcohol so I get it. Proud to say though, that I'm seven months sober at this point.
My dad lived three hours away so I didn't see him all that much in recent years. I can remember the last time he came to visit; September 2020 - I thought then how rough he looked and I tried to talk to him about his drinking in the weeks after but he always said he was fine. I suppose I'll always wonder if I could've pushed more for him to go into treatment but I think I know that ultimately, he didn't want to.
Anyway, I just needed to share this somewhere. I'm thirty-one years old and nobody I know that is around the same age as me has lost a parent or had any experience of alcoholism so I guess I'm just feeling a little isolated even though the people around me have all been wonderful.
Anybody here gone through anything similar?
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
Very sorry to hear about you having lost your dad jim.
A good friend of mine that is in his 30s lost his dad to a condition similar or perhaps even the same as you describe during my final months of drinking. It was another in a list of reasons that I finally gave it up.
A good friend of mine that is in his 30s lost his dad to a condition similar or perhaps even the same as you describe during my final months of drinking. It was another in a list of reasons that I finally gave it up.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: England
Posts: 7
Thanks Cityboy.
There was a lot of temptation for me to drown my sorrows in the immediate aftermath of what happened but I'm glad I stayed strong as I can see how stupid that would have been now and I'm not sure how I would've coped with another Day One. Looking at it now, I know that I don't want to end up like him and it's made me focus even more on my own sobriety.
There was a lot of temptation for me to drown my sorrows in the immediate aftermath of what happened but I'm glad I stayed strong as I can see how stupid that would have been now and I'm not sure how I would've coped with another Day One. Looking at it now, I know that I don't want to end up like him and it's made me focus even more on my own sobriety.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
I'm sorry for your loss.
When someone is on the path to self-destruction, there is nothing anyone else can do, other than stay out of his way and not sabotage him when he does choose recovery for himself. I'm sure your dad's partner wanted a longer life for him too.
When someone is on the path to self-destruction, there is nothing anyone else can do, other than stay out of his way and not sabotage him when he does choose recovery for himself. I'm sure your dad's partner wanted a longer life for him too.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I'm sorry you lost your Dad. I know how it feels to lose a parent to alcoholism. My dad was an alcoholic too, he was not a bad man, he wasn't abusive to us and he always provided well, but he always had his hand wrapped around a beer can. He was a high functioning alcoholic...until he wasn't. I didn't see a lot of my dad in the last few years of his life. I was keeping my distance. It hurt too much see what had become of a once strong and intelligent man. I was going through a divorce with my own alcoholic husband and I just didn't have the strength to watch my dad drinking himself to death. I don't regret my decision to protect myself from that, but I do wish things had been different. I had started missing my dad before he was even "gone". So yeah, I understand what you are going through and you have my sympathy. *hug*
When my dad was a younger man he was an avid guitar player. I have wonderful childhood memories of sitting by his feet while he played, those are some of the best memories I have of him. When my dad died, my son was a teenager who had started playing guitar himself. My mum gave my dad's guitars to my son. She asked him if he ever remembered seeing Grandpa play them, my son answered, " No, all I ever saw Grandpa do was sit in his chair and drink". How freakin' sad is that? Heartbreaking.
Congratulations on your sobriety. Stay strong in your resolve. Live a healthier life than our dad's did, it's the best gift you can give yourself and anyone else who loves you.
When my dad was a younger man he was an avid guitar player. I have wonderful childhood memories of sitting by his feet while he played, those are some of the best memories I have of him. When my dad died, my son was a teenager who had started playing guitar himself. My mum gave my dad's guitars to my son. She asked him if he ever remembered seeing Grandpa play them, my son answered, " No, all I ever saw Grandpa do was sit in his chair and drink". How freakin' sad is that? Heartbreaking.
Congratulations on your sobriety. Stay strong in your resolve. Live a healthier life than our dad's did, it's the best gift you can give yourself and anyone else who loves you.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Jim86.....sending my condolences to you on the loss of your father. I suggest that you consider the group "Adult Children of Alcoholics". You certainly qualify. At least, I suggest that you get and read their literature. You can get their llterature and their Big Book from amazon.com----in the book section. You can get it from your local library, also. I think you will get a lot of validation for your feelings and that a lot will resonate with you.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Hi Jim, sorry about the loss of your Father.
I also had an alcoholic Father that never sought any recovery, but I kind of had a different take on it. I never spoke to him about his drinking, not once that I can remember. I always figured that was his choice. I don't know how I inherently knew this, even as a child, I just did. Perhaps it was the example of my Mother (who didn't drink). I don't remember any conversations about drinking.
Perhaps it's some comfort to know, drinking or any other decision people make, as adults, is theirs to make, so we should (in my opinion) respect that, even if we don't like it.
I think this is especially true with parents. You did offer to discuss it, he wasn't interested in that and really, that is all you could do.
I also had an alcoholic Father that never sought any recovery, but I kind of had a different take on it. I never spoke to him about his drinking, not once that I can remember. I always figured that was his choice. I don't know how I inherently knew this, even as a child, I just did. Perhaps it was the example of my Mother (who didn't drink). I don't remember any conversations about drinking.
Perhaps it's some comfort to know, drinking or any other decision people make, as adults, is theirs to make, so we should (in my opinion) respect that, even if we don't like it.
I think this is especially true with parents. You did offer to discuss it, he wasn't interested in that and really, that is all you could do.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
Hi Jim. I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. Ive lost 3 parents to alcoholism. Mom, dad and step-dad. Only my father wanted help, but ultimately chose suicide. I could not help any of them, and I don't think there is anything you could do either. When he said he was fine, he closed the door.
I'm glad that you have chosen to get sober. Congratulations on 7 months! They say genetics loads the gun... we don't have to live like them, or die like them. I hope you will stick around here, it helps all of us.
I'm glad that you have chosen to get sober. Congratulations on 7 months! They say genetics loads the gun... we don't have to live like them, or die like them. I hope you will stick around here, it helps all of us.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
The disease of addiction has taken a many a folks away,
some way before their time and others with yrs of struggles.
I am sorry read about your father passing away and never
hesitate to reach out to us here in SR anytime you need
a friend or folks that do understand addiction and recovery.
Stay strong and we here in SR care and understand.
some way before their time and others with yrs of struggles.
I am sorry read about your father passing away and never
hesitate to reach out to us here in SR anytime you need
a friend or folks that do understand addiction and recovery.
Stay strong and we here in SR care and understand.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: England
Posts: 7
Thanks everybody for your kind words. It definitely helps to hear from people that understand. I've felt really alone since he passed.
I'll definitely be sticking around here, I've no doubt it will be valuable to my own sobriety
I'll definitely be sticking around here, I've no doubt it will be valuable to my own sobriety
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Jim,
Welcome to SR. I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. I completely understand how you are feeling. I lost my dad to alcoholism when I was 39, he was only 68. Then I lost my mom a little over two years about right after I turned 48. I can share that I was still actively drinking when my dad died, and I numbed my feelings with alcohol, which never allowed me to truly grieve the loss. When my mom died, I had just about three years sober, and I felt every emotion that comes along with the grief, and that was much better. It wasn’t easy, but it allowed me to get how I was feeling out, rather than stuff it down.
SR is a great place, and filled with loving support. I hope you’ll continue to check in.
❤️Delilah
Welcome to SR. I’m sorry for the loss of your dad. I completely understand how you are feeling. I lost my dad to alcoholism when I was 39, he was only 68. Then I lost my mom a little over two years about right after I turned 48. I can share that I was still actively drinking when my dad died, and I numbed my feelings with alcohol, which never allowed me to truly grieve the loss. When my mom died, I had just about three years sober, and I felt every emotion that comes along with the grief, and that was much better. It wasn’t easy, but it allowed me to get how I was feeling out, rather than stuff it down.
SR is a great place, and filled with loving support. I hope you’ll continue to check in.
❤️Delilah
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