Hello Everyone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 149
Hello Everyone
Hi. I'm new to the forum and am just trying to keep myself in check. I am six months sober and have only drank once in the last twelve months.
A few years ago I spiraled out of control for a variety of reasons. Ended up losing my job which made boozing worse (lots of 6am walks to the beer store). I've been in recovery once and was hospitalized twice for alcoholic seizures.
I am lucky in that I don't get cravings for booze. It's not something I even think about at night or during the day. My problem is when I quit drinking, I have zero social life. I don't even know where to begin hanging out with people or dating people where booze isn't a part of that. Almost every girlfriend I've had was a result of either meeting at a party, bar or through friends when drinking.
I drank once this year after a friend of mine arranged a big zoom meeting for a bunch of us. He told me to drink White Claws (I had never had them) because "there is no hangover". Well of course I drank a ton and ended up going on a four day drinking binge.
It's so weird because I am so disciplined with work, diet, exercise ect. but if I get a buzz going a switch just flicks on and all I care about is more booze. Like I said, luckily I don't get cravings but the boredom of having no social life just kills me sometimes. I've basically stopped talking to all my friends since they were based around the job I lost or were heavy drinkers I had to cut out.
I did "fall forward" so to speak in that I now have a way better job, making more money and just graduated with an MBA. It's just terrifying thinking I'm one drink away from losing everything again and I'm afraid the no social life thing will get me drinking again eventually.
A few years ago I spiraled out of control for a variety of reasons. Ended up losing my job which made boozing worse (lots of 6am walks to the beer store). I've been in recovery once and was hospitalized twice for alcoholic seizures.
I am lucky in that I don't get cravings for booze. It's not something I even think about at night or during the day. My problem is when I quit drinking, I have zero social life. I don't even know where to begin hanging out with people or dating people where booze isn't a part of that. Almost every girlfriend I've had was a result of either meeting at a party, bar or through friends when drinking.
I drank once this year after a friend of mine arranged a big zoom meeting for a bunch of us. He told me to drink White Claws (I had never had them) because "there is no hangover". Well of course I drank a ton and ended up going on a four day drinking binge.
It's so weird because I am so disciplined with work, diet, exercise ect. but if I get a buzz going a switch just flicks on and all I care about is more booze. Like I said, luckily I don't get cravings but the boredom of having no social life just kills me sometimes. I've basically stopped talking to all my friends since they were based around the job I lost or were heavy drinkers I had to cut out.
I did "fall forward" so to speak in that I now have a way better job, making more money and just graduated with an MBA. It's just terrifying thinking I'm one drink away from losing everything again and I'm afraid the no social life thing will get me drinking again eventually.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 320
I recommend you read the "big book". You sound like someone who is unable to drink normally - aka alcoholic. I found in-person meetings helped me return to social life after two years of white knuckling sobriety.
Congratulations on your sobriety. I have found it to be a great choice for my life, even if I struggle with my alcoholic brain from time to time.
Congratulations on your sobriety. I have found it to be a great choice for my life, even if I struggle with my alcoholic brain from time to time.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Vincent! It's great to have you join us. When I first came here, not feeling alone anymore meant everything.
Congrats on your 6 mos. sober. We know how hard it is to get there. I have the same issue - once it's in my system, anything can happen. I've led myself into drama & danger so many times. Spent far too long insisting I could use willpower to control the amounts I drank. It never worked - one drink always led to being drunk & stupid. No more!
I know it's an adjustment - we're learning to live in a new way. Please stay with us - sharing thoughts really helps.
Congrats on your 6 mos. sober. We know how hard it is to get there. I have the same issue - once it's in my system, anything can happen. I've led myself into drama & danger so many times. Spent far too long insisting I could use willpower to control the amounts I drank. It never worked - one drink always led to being drunk & stupid. No more!
I know it's an adjustment - we're learning to live in a new way. Please stay with us - sharing thoughts really helps.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Hi Vincent!
Many AA meetings are online due to COVID-19. I suggest you check for local listings. Here is just one group out of thousands (near Seattle, GMT -8h). There are a couple meetings starting soon. I recommend the 5:30 "Living Sober" meeting; it usually has about 60 attendees, so there's no problem with just listening.
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
Many AA meetings are online due to COVID-19. I suggest you check for local listings. Here is just one group out of thousands (near Seattle, GMT -8h). There are a couple meetings starting soon. I recommend the 5:30 "Living Sober" meeting; it usually has about 60 attendees, so there's no problem with just listening.
https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Hi Vincent,
It sounds like you’ve done everything to recover from your past addiction except to throw away the key to any plans for the future use of alcohol. The way I hear your addiction coming at you after 12 months is, you’re social life is screwed if you drink and it’s screwed if you don’t drink. It’s trying to trap you with bogus emotional logic knowing the Covid lockdowns make it harder to socialize.
There are countless ways to engage with other people even outside of work and family. University. Health club. Sports. Book clubs. Volunteering. Churches. On and on.
You will have to wait a little until the Covid vaccine gets to your neck of town, but you can take the getting drunk vaccine right now with a serious pledge of permanent abstinence.
GT
It sounds like you’ve done everything to recover from your past addiction except to throw away the key to any plans for the future use of alcohol. The way I hear your addiction coming at you after 12 months is, you’re social life is screwed if you drink and it’s screwed if you don’t drink. It’s trying to trap you with bogus emotional logic knowing the Covid lockdowns make it harder to socialize.
There are countless ways to engage with other people even outside of work and family. University. Health club. Sports. Book clubs. Volunteering. Churches. On and on.
You will have to wait a little until the Covid vaccine gets to your neck of town, but you can take the getting drunk vaccine right now with a serious pledge of permanent abstinence.
GT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by GerandTwine 
Hi Vincent,
It sounds like you’ve done everything to recover from your past addiction except to throw away the key to any plans for the future use of alcohol. The way I hear your addiction coming at you after 12 months is, you’re social life is screwed if you drink and it’s screwed if you don’t drink. It’s trying to trap you with bogus emotional logic knowing the Covid lockdowns make it harder to socialize.
There are countless ways to engage with other people even outside of work and family. University. Health club. Sports. Book clubs. Volunteering. Churches. On and on.
You will have to wait a little until the Covid vaccine gets to your neck of town, but you can take the getting drunk vaccine right now with a serious pledge of permanent abstinence.
GT
It sounds like you’ve done everything to recover from your past addiction except to throw away the key to any plans for the future use of alcohol. The way I hear your addiction coming at you after 12 months is, you’re social life is screwed if you drink and it’s screwed if you don’t drink. It’s trying to trap you with bogus emotional logic knowing the Covid lockdowns make it harder to socialize.
There are countless ways to engage with other people even outside of work and family. University. Health club. Sports. Book clubs. Volunteering. Churches. On and on.
You will have to wait a little until the Covid vaccine gets to your neck of town, but you can take the getting drunk vaccine right now with a serious pledge of permanent abstinence.
GT
To be honest the Covid lockdown has made it easier. Since no one is going out and doing anything, there is no temptation there. It's after Covid is over that I am worried about. I had my MBA program to keep me occupied as well. Now that is over so I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday off every week with little to do.
You're right about the social life being screwed if I drink or if I don't though. Seems like there is no good way out in that regard.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome to SR Vincent
I thought I would have no social life either when I quit drinking because everybody I knew drank but, in time, I made some new friends and I reconnected with old friends who I drifted away from because of my drinking.
I have a great social life now
No one would stay sober if they were miserable. Things have a way of working out. I couldn’t have dreamt how good sober life can be - I had no reference when I was drinking.
There is a transition phase - but it does end. You may have to run on faith for a while - but support really helps
D
I thought I would have no social life either when I quit drinking because everybody I knew drank but, in time, I made some new friends and I reconnected with old friends who I drifted away from because of my drinking.
I have a great social life now
No one would stay sober if they were miserable. Things have a way of working out. I couldn’t have dreamt how good sober life can be - I had no reference when I was drinking.
There is a transition phase - but it does end. You may have to run on faith for a while - but support really helps
D
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by Vincent484
Hi GT,
To be honest the Covid lockdown has made it easier. Since no one is going out and doing anything, there is no temptation there. It's after Covid is over that I am worried about. I had my MBA program to keep me occupied as well. Now that is over so I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday off every week with little to do.
You're right about the social life being screwed if I drink or if I don't though. Seems like there is no good way out in that regard.
To be honest the Covid lockdown has made it easier. Since no one is going out and doing anything, there is no temptation there. It's after Covid is over that I am worried about. I had my MBA program to keep me occupied as well. Now that is over so I have Friday, Saturday and Sunday off every week with little to do.
You're right about the social life being screwed if I drink or if I don't though. Seems like there is no good way out in that regard.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
My mind and body have changed dramatically in the last 5 years.
I made an effort to embrace sobriety and feed off of the good things I felt. e.g. more energy, clear head. I watched a bunch of comedies and found myself slowly laughing more and more.
Now I laugh at some of the most ridiculous stuff. I laugh at stuff I shouldn't laugh at sometimes. Sometimes things are serious and I think they are funny. Usually, I can control it and keep the chuckle inside.
Pretty weird. But, it is my circus.
It is along the lines of happiness creates happiness. It is a chemical thing and it is contagious.
Maybe this will help in your new "lifestyle" as I love to call it.
Thanks.
I made an effort to embrace sobriety and feed off of the good things I felt. e.g. more energy, clear head. I watched a bunch of comedies and found myself slowly laughing more and more.
Now I laugh at some of the most ridiculous stuff. I laugh at stuff I shouldn't laugh at sometimes. Sometimes things are serious and I think they are funny. Usually, I can control it and keep the chuckle inside.
Pretty weird. But, it is my circus.
It is along the lines of happiness creates happiness. It is a chemical thing and it is contagious.
Maybe this will help in your new "lifestyle" as I love to call it.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
Welcome Vincent. It sounds as though our drinking histories were somewhat similar. You have a year's sobriety with one slip, one drinking occasion is not a relapse. The isolation many ex-drinkers can suffer from in early sobriety is probably exacerbated by COVID. Depending on location, some real life AA meetings are in operation. Alternatively, there are Zoom meetings, which are not quite the same, but they are something.
What are your hobbies, hobbies can be a good way of making new friends. I'm told.
What are your hobbies, hobbies can be a good way of making new friends. I'm told.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by sortofhomecomin
Welcome Vincent. It sounds as though our drinking histories were somewhat similar. You have a year's sobriety with one slip, one drinking occasion is not a relapse. The isolation many ex-drinkers can suffer from in early sobriety is probably exacerbated by COVID. Depending on location, some real life AA meetings are in operation. Alternatively, there are Zoom meetings, which are not quite the same, but they are something.
What are your hobbies, hobbies can be a good way of making new friends. I'm told.
What are your hobbies, hobbies can be a good way of making new friends. I'm told.
(1) It's mediation time for me and I like doing it alone
(2) The gym sounds like a good place to meet people but in reality it's not. Everyone kind of does there own thing there. I used to have to sell training there and it was miserable.
My "one time drinking" ended up being a four or five day binge so I count that as a relapse. That's my main problem. Once it's in my system I'm non-functional. When it's not in my system I don't even think about it.
I've had sober streaks before but it's all been isolating myself and sitting at home. I can see the same thing happening here which is why I am trying to be preventative before life gets back to normal and I get tempted to go out. I can sit in my home for a long time by myself but after a while I feel like I'm missing out I guess. Maybe I'll try doing volunteer stuff. All of my friendships since high school had alcohol as a top factor and I'm unsure where to even begin honestly. It seems like everyone likes going out and drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 149
Originally Posted by GerandTwine
I’m not right about your social life being screwed. Its being screwed was a summary of what “you” were saying. I was refuting that idea because ANY positive movement (“falling forward”) in your life that gets stalled out in any way due to the fact that you no longer put ethanol in your blood is patently FALSE. Making such a connection is ALWAYS your addiction talking, not YOU the permanent abstainer.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Hi Vincent,
I hope you’re beginning to get a better handle on separating your addiction (the part of you that does NOT want to kill off the drunken you) from the real YOU (you as a permanent abstainer comfortable about never drinking again).
GT
I hope you’re beginning to get a better handle on separating your addiction (the part of you that does NOT want to kill off the drunken you) from the real YOU (you as a permanent abstainer comfortable about never drinking again).
GT
I believe in miracles :)
Join Date: Nov 2020
Location: Europe
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by Vincent484
Terrible nightmares this week for some reason. A couple involving booze. Relapse dreams are weird when you wake up and have the same anxiety you would have if you actually drank the previous night.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Hi Vincent,
My drinking dreams meant to me that I was doing pretty well at abstaining in conscious life. (A last ditch effort of my AV). I had about 2 or 3 recurring drinking/smoking pot dreams that gradually faded. They actually helped me realize that vivid dreams are freebees, and I grew to appreciate even ones with negative emotions. I totally accept that dreaming is important to mental health, and since I cannot decide on what to dream, well, I’ll take what I can get since they are ultimately harmless.
As my drinking/potsmoking dreams faded, my recurring perpetually-enrolled-and-missing-classes-in-college dreams started up (and I have always had many getting lost dreams). Then, I started dreaming of flying. That truly made my unconditional dream acceptance totally worth it. It’s hard to describe how flying dreams were so exhilarating; empowering of leaving the past (taking off), yet being tentative about the future (fear of a hard landing and where to). I often woke up as I lost lift and came close to the ground. It was a silent more tentative version of Neo in The Matrix. No flying dreams for some years now. Hmm, maybe I’ll try provoking some as I go to sleep. Thanks.
GT
My drinking dreams meant to me that I was doing pretty well at abstaining in conscious life. (A last ditch effort of my AV). I had about 2 or 3 recurring drinking/smoking pot dreams that gradually faded. They actually helped me realize that vivid dreams are freebees, and I grew to appreciate even ones with negative emotions. I totally accept that dreaming is important to mental health, and since I cannot decide on what to dream, well, I’ll take what I can get since they are ultimately harmless.
As my drinking/potsmoking dreams faded, my recurring perpetually-enrolled-and-missing-classes-in-college dreams started up (and I have always had many getting lost dreams). Then, I started dreaming of flying. That truly made my unconditional dream acceptance totally worth it. It’s hard to describe how flying dreams were so exhilarating; empowering of leaving the past (taking off), yet being tentative about the future (fear of a hard landing and where to). I often woke up as I lost lift and came close to the ground. It was a silent more tentative version of Neo in The Matrix. No flying dreams for some years now. Hmm, maybe I’ll try provoking some as I go to sleep. Thanks.
GT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 149
I've had bad thoughts this week (as in thinking of getting drunk). Not sure if it is because I'm on break from work or what. Thankfully the bars aren't open and I very rarely ever started drinking at home.
I keep reading others stories about the horrible withdrawals and anxiety which I don't want to go through again. The last two times I've relapsed at about seven months, which is right where I am now. No peer pressure at this moment like those times though.
I keep reading others stories about the horrible withdrawals and anxiety which I don't want to go through again. The last two times I've relapsed at about seven months, which is right where I am now. No peer pressure at this moment like those times though.
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