StevePDX

I'm not much for sharing on this site, but I do read frequently and appreciate all the support and honesty provided here.

I'm approaching 10 months sober and since I'm now 57 that means it's probably 42 years or so that I've gone 10 months without a beer. Not that I drank much in my mid teens, but I know it was at least once a year.

So, I'm feeling very good physically, mentally and emotionally. I say that, but I have been thinking a lot about drinking lately. I'm not really tempted to pick up again but for some reason the thoughts keep coming back and I've been getting some pretty strong cravings. Maybe it's the season change, maybe it's because of the anniversary of my wife's passing, or maybe it's just the amount of time that has gone by has me missing the good parts of drinking. The relaxation, the taste, the ritual...you all know what I'm talking about. Like I said, I don't feel tempted to actually drink, but the thoughts keep coming and they take me out of my daily rhythm and make me wish they wouldn't come at all. I'm thinking that I have some type of recovery fatigue and that I'm just plain tired of thinking about beer. To be honest it's really starting to **** me off that I can't forget about it and move on. Maybe ranting a little like this will help.

Peace

least

The best thing I ever did to strengthen my recovery was to practice gratitude every day. Try it!

Zencat

Thanks least. Practice! Thats it right there, put a plan together to practice, that is physical action of doing it. For me a daily practice is indispensable for my wellness. No action for wellness, no wellness for me.

Heres a bunch of recovery practices to DO.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...cular-web.html (Secular Web)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...treasures.html (Letting Go...from my treasures)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...e-surfing.html (For Dee-Urge Surfing)

https://arfamiliesfirst.com/wp-conte...istortions.pdf

Recovery works when you work it. You can do this! I believe in you

Dee74

Hi Steve - again I’m sorry for your loss.2 things helped me in that regard.

I kept posting here for one. It kept my recovery real and immediate to me.

The other was building a sober life I loved.
My old life was drink sodden. I needed a new life if I wanted to stay sober, a life I enjoyed and nourished me and that I didn’t want to escape from.

it can be rough to envision that, especially in the middle of a pandemic, but being a regular visitor here might help initiate some ideas?

D

Sober45

I’ll have 10 months on Nov 2. I think the memory of The pain of alcoholism definitely becomes weaker over time. I have to work at remembering. I also work at making sure I never ever romanticize about it.

what improvements have you seen in yourself in the past 10 months?

For me, I’m a 1000x more emotionally stable. I’m also making progress in being more organized. I’m not even close to where I anticipated I would be at 9 months but things are moving up so I’ll take it.

ive seen a lot of people relapse on here at around our stage and seems like when they go back out stopping again is even harder than it was before. It’s like they sucked into the abyss.

This is serious business for us and we must not let our guards down. Good on you for posting your feelings. Your instincts brought this about so keep following your gut.

nez

Evidently I am fairly simplistic, because I never get strong cravings about things I don't think about. I can't explain it, I just know it is. :~)

I absolutely loved beer...the relaxation, the taste, the ritual...In early recovery, I couldn't stop thinking about beer, even when I shoved it into the darkest and smallest corners of my brain. I needed to change the way I thought beer, before I could stop thinking about it.

It took honesty and extending my thinking to the end result of my drinking, to accomplish my goal. The relaxation, the taste, the ritual...it was all true and I couldn't deny any of it, so I stopped trying to deny it...but the beer experience never ended there. I always took it all the way to incomprehensible demoralization. Without fail!

When I acknowledged and accepted the end result of the beer experience, then...the relaxation, the taste, the ritual...faded away and beer lost it's allure. I never think about beer anymore and even if the thought of it does show up somehow, it is quickly replaced by "okay, that was enough time on that thought; onto the next thought". It takes no effort on my part, it is second nature like breathing.

Anna

Steve, I'm sorry for your loss.

I hope that you can find other ways to relax and enjoy life. It could be, that if you could find new ways to feel good, you'd think much less about the good times of drinking and focus on other things. Congratulations on your hard work.

StevePDX

Some really great responses and advice here. Thank you all so much.

I really like the ideas about remembering the stuff that helped me early on in recovery. The gratitude practicing and mindfulness were especially good in helping me build new and better habits. I've adjusted pretty well to a non-beer lifestyle. I have plenty to do project wise around the house and I'm in good shape from bike riding, nearly 100 miles/week when the weather is good. I work full time and my job is good. Everything is good, but I'm starting to think that I'm obsessive by nature. I used to think that maybe I was obsessive because of my bad habits, but now I'm starting to think I developed bad habits because I'm prone to being obsessive. It's not all bad, I can be extremely productive and efficient at getting things done when I'm focused on positive things, but I always get drawn sideways into other things, like internet sparring or video games or playing golf. Things that have little meaning or are destructive like drinking, smoking pot, tobacco use etc.


The good part is that I genuinely like myself and I'm not worried about anything really. I guess I just would like to not think about drinking beer, or thinking about why I'm thinking about beer. It's almost a paralysis by analysis thing. And round and round I go. What is it I really miss? I rarely liked getting drunk, sure it happened and often times on purpose, but I drank for many decades pretty normally, without much thought about it either way. Just something I did after work or as part of recreating with friends and family. That obviously changed over time and the old body just doesn't process it the same, so when dependence became physical addiction that was a bridge too far for me to live with.

Sorry to ramble, I've obviously got a lot of processing to do. Maybe I have a back log of sharing that I have to unload, but it it will have to happen in small increments. I appreciate being able to do it with all you fine people.

fini

yes, what is it i really miss, really want, really need?
i found those questions and explorations invaluable in new sobriety when i got that”gottadrink!!” urge, and spending time with that (cause i knew that drinking wasn’t what i REALLY needed) helped me figure out what to do about my deep-down genuine needs and missings.

it’s a good question you’re asking.

brighterday1234

I find that talking to somebody (doesn’t have to be anybody who’s also in recovery) really helps to remind me of why I gave up drinking. Talking about what drinking was like to you really reaffirms your alcoholism in my experience. Failing that write it out on a post on SR. Be brutally honest about what drinking honestly meant for you and that re-grounds acceptance of alcoholism in my experience.

DriGuy

First, it's good that you don't feel tempted to ACTUALLY drink. That's key to staying sober.

Second, I don't know if it's possible to ever get to a point in your life where alcohol thoughts go away for good. I still have them, but they are very manageable. By definition, yours are manageable, because you are not ACTUALLY tempted to drink. But you are obsessing on those thoughts, and as an obsessor of many things, I know how bothersome that can be. I don't know when obsessing crosses the line into dysfunction and becomes a clinical diagnosis, but it's too early to get worried about it.

You've been at this recovery thing for 10 months. You're still new to this, and if you are like most of us, you will still be haunted by fears, maybe not like you were at one month, but at 10 months, I would fully expect these thoughts to be with you. They pass, but like you have experienced, they pop up from time to time, and they will in the future too.

If I could tell you how to make them go away, I'd be one happy guy. I can only give hints, but you can deal with them. To be honest I will confess that sometimes I can push them away, while sometimes I just let them rage for a while, until they go away on their own. They are never bad enough that if something else needs my attention they get in the way. They just end up on the back burner. So distracting yourself from them is one way to deal with them. Not that it shuts the door on them forever.

Remember why you quit drinking. Remember your commitment to never drink again. When an obsession with the thought of drinking rears its head, this is a time to restate your commitment. This is how it feels to commit. You promised to hold the course, and now is your chance to uphold that promise.

Ten months? Nah, I think you're just at a bump in the road. There will be more, but probably less worrysome. I think my biggest bump was close to 10 months, when I had this momentary thought that I was now well enough to drink a glass of wine with friends. It scared the bejabbers out of me, although it wasn't an obsession. I recognized right away that it was a vulnerable crossroads. It literally gave me the chills. These messages from your AV can show up anytime. Sounds like the strategy your AV is using on you right now is to bug you to death, until you finally cave. Mentally punch him in the nose, and walk away.

Flowing

Hi Dee.

I hope you don't mind me jumping into this thread to ask if you would mind elaborating on this?

I think the hardest thing about continued sobriety is the successfull and contented fulfilment of time. That's certainly what I struggle with the most.

Your elaboration on this aspect would be greatly appreciated.

X

StevePDX

Thanks for this DriGuy. Like with physical exercise, when you're in the moment it is sometimes hard to remember that pushing through the difficult parts is what brings the satisfaction of a workout well done on the other side.

Thanks to you all for your thoughtful posts and support. It really does mean a lot to me. Thankfully the past week has been much easier as far as the obsessive thinking goes. I'm committed to staying sober and know that getting through year one will continue to have trying times as I am doing things (holidays etc) without drinking for a long time.

I found a book on my kindle titled "Sober Man" and have enjoyed reading it. It's a short book, no nonsense, straightforward talk about alcohol, how it affects the body and mind, and gives some helpful guidance to cutting down or stopping drinking.

Dee74

You mean what a sober love I love looks like?

I think a sober life we love will be slightly different for everyone.
For me I put a lot of value in service to others and trying to make a positive difference in the world.

A sense of purpose is very important to me and something I lacked during my years of drinking and drugging.

I rediscovered who the real me was - a me I’d totally forgotten when I was drinking all those years. I reconnected with old hobbies and interests and also old friends.

I also had things I needed to work on - self esteem, self hatred, resentments and anger, past trauma etc...all the things I used to drink over.

I won’t say I didn’t have any counselling to help me with those issues but it was minimal.
Mostly I just found the courage to deal with that stuff and finally put it behind me.

My life’s not perfect - I have bad days still - but I have a sense of peace that never really leaves me.
My old drinking life was geared to drinking... My sober life is geared to staying sober.

I used to want to escape life. That’s no longer true.

I hope this helps explain things a little more?

Think about what to a sober life you love would look like to you and then start reaching for that!

D