Continuous Cycle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Continuous Cycle
Hi All,
i don't post often, but read daily. Such a wonderfully supportive community, with invaluable information shared by others.
i made the decision to step of the crazy train, that is my 26 year old son's heroin ( and any other substance ) addiction.
This journey has been going on for 7 years almost. He didn't live with us, and was in another town about 15 miles away, prior to his incarceration last year.
He was released in May of this year, and the following day, rang me - out his face. Onto the following week - another call, out his face, this time from the hospital, his face had been slashed. I refused to go collect him and take him to his home.
i've visited him during these months, spoken on the phone, and it seems each time I see or hear him, he us under the influence of something. I told him that I couldn't be around him when he's using.
Week before last , the council moved him back to our home town , as a temporary accomodation property had become available. My heart sank!
The day he moved, I wasn't in the "good books" as I refused to move him and his belongings, again. Lord knows how many times I've helped him with this. From then each day consisted of attemped back to back calls, which I did not take as I was in a Skype meeting with my boss, and others in or team, txt messages - all requesting money. He received a benefit payment the day after his move, which he owed out for drug debt - every single penny of it! Of course, I refused to give him it, and I refused to do an online food shop and have it delivered. I have done so in the past, due to the usual fears of him starving.
Monday of last week, the txt messages becoming so vile and nasty, and threats were made to come to my home and smash every window. I blocked him on my mobile, and disconnected the landline from the socket. I called the police, and logged a crime report. Officers will come speak to me.
i have reached the point of no contact, as his addiction impacted on me greatly roughly 4 years ago, and resulted in me developing a chronic, painful condition. I refuse to have that flare up. I refuse to be the target of his vile abuse any longer. I am sick to death of his addiction contaminating every aspect of my life, and stealing the joy from it.
I do feel a bit guilty by removing myself from him, but I don't have another option. I have to take care of my physical and mental health. I have to say, life is certainly more peaceful.
Much Love
Bute x
i don't post often, but read daily. Such a wonderfully supportive community, with invaluable information shared by others.
i made the decision to step of the crazy train, that is my 26 year old son's heroin ( and any other substance ) addiction.
This journey has been going on for 7 years almost. He didn't live with us, and was in another town about 15 miles away, prior to his incarceration last year.
He was released in May of this year, and the following day, rang me - out his face. Onto the following week - another call, out his face, this time from the hospital, his face had been slashed. I refused to go collect him and take him to his home.
i've visited him during these months, spoken on the phone, and it seems each time I see or hear him, he us under the influence of something. I told him that I couldn't be around him when he's using.
Week before last , the council moved him back to our home town , as a temporary accomodation property had become available. My heart sank!
The day he moved, I wasn't in the "good books" as I refused to move him and his belongings, again. Lord knows how many times I've helped him with this. From then each day consisted of attemped back to back calls, which I did not take as I was in a Skype meeting with my boss, and others in or team, txt messages - all requesting money. He received a benefit payment the day after his move, which he owed out for drug debt - every single penny of it! Of course, I refused to give him it, and I refused to do an online food shop and have it delivered. I have done so in the past, due to the usual fears of him starving.
Monday of last week, the txt messages becoming so vile and nasty, and threats were made to come to my home and smash every window. I blocked him on my mobile, and disconnected the landline from the socket. I called the police, and logged a crime report. Officers will come speak to me.
i have reached the point of no contact, as his addiction impacted on me greatly roughly 4 years ago, and resulted in me developing a chronic, painful condition. I refuse to have that flare up. I refuse to be the target of his vile abuse any longer. I am sick to death of his addiction contaminating every aspect of my life, and stealing the joy from it.
I do feel a bit guilty by removing myself from him, but I don't have another option. I have to take care of my physical and mental health. I have to say, life is certainly more peaceful.
Much Love
Bute x
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Bute, I so understand your post, years ago that was me. I wanted to save my son but instead his addiction pulled me down, cost me a fortune and made me sick and in the end I had to let go too.
Today, years and years later, his is still in and out of the addiction/recovery revolving doors, mostly addicted and recovery only when he is in jail or prison. We didn't hear from him for about 12 years, and when we did he was still on his path. I cannot and will not join the circus again.
I love my son and pray for him every day, then I live my day well and leave the rest between God and my son.
Making the choice to let go was hard. How does a mama let go of her son? But it was the right thing to do, the healthy thing to do....both for him and for me. My "help" only enabled him and the addiction was his thing to fix, not mine.
I am sorry you are going through all this and will keep you and your son in my prayers. Taking care of yourself should be you main priority, because this WILL take a toll on you over time, if you let it.
Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.
Today, years and years later, his is still in and out of the addiction/recovery revolving doors, mostly addicted and recovery only when he is in jail or prison. We didn't hear from him for about 12 years, and when we did he was still on his path. I cannot and will not join the circus again.
I love my son and pray for him every day, then I live my day well and leave the rest between God and my son.
Making the choice to let go was hard. How does a mama let go of her son? But it was the right thing to do, the healthy thing to do....both for him and for me. My "help" only enabled him and the addiction was his thing to fix, not mine.
I am sorry you are going through all this and will keep you and your son in my prayers. Taking care of yourself should be you main priority, because this WILL take a toll on you over time, if you let it.
Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I hope you can release that feeling of guilt. He is behaving abominably--no one deserves to be on the receiving end of such treatment, and you are perfectly justified in removing yourself from him. Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Hi there,
If I were you, I'd print this. Print what you wrote here and maybe even think of sending it to him so that once he reads it - he understands.
This might fill in any missing gaps he's stumbling into.
If I were you, I'd print this. Print what you wrote here and maybe even think of sending it to him so that once he reads it - he understands.
This might fill in any missing gaps he's stumbling into.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
Thank you all for your kind comments.
LnN, I did write to him (visited monthly also) when he was in prison. A letter from the heart, so to speak. I thought he would be clearer headed and would be in a better place to understand how his addiction was affecting me. He called me from prison and said " f*cking block me then. Take nothing to do with me. I don't give 2 f*cks". I've had similar said on previous occasions. I guess I'm a slow learner! I don't have an address to send a letter to him, and at this moment, I don't particularly want to, to be honest.
God forgive me, but I could punch him in the kisser!
For now, I'm keeping him out my life. Not to be cruel, but I need the peace.
Take Good Care
Much Love
Bute x
LnN, I did write to him (visited monthly also) when he was in prison. A letter from the heart, so to speak. I thought he would be clearer headed and would be in a better place to understand how his addiction was affecting me. He called me from prison and said " f*cking block me then. Take nothing to do with me. I don't give 2 f*cks". I've had similar said on previous occasions. I guess I'm a slow learner! I don't have an address to send a letter to him, and at this moment, I don't particularly want to, to be honest.
God forgive me, but I could punch him in the kisser!
For now, I'm keeping him out my life. Not to be cruel, but I need the peace.
Take Good Care
Much Love
Bute x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by Bute 
LnN, I did write to him (visited monthly also) when he was in prison. A letter from the heart, so to speak. I thought he would be clearer headed and would be in a better place to understand how his addiction was affecting me. He called me from prison and said " f*cking block me then. Take nothing to do with me. I don't give 2 f*cks". ...
For now, I'm keeping him out my life. Not to be cruel, but I need the peace.
For now, I'm keeping him out my life. Not to be cruel, but I need the peace.
You're awesome!!
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