SnoozyQ

Well, i don't really know where to begin.
I haven't posted for a while because I had a drink after nearly dead on 2 years sober.
I'm ashamed, im embarrassed, i was just not going to come back.

i I feel that people must be thinking, for gods sakes, why dont you just get your act together, this is sober recovery group, not continual sober 'slip or relapse group & i dont think it would be good for newcomers. I feel i would bring them down.

i was always so confident in cooking with wine etc and have been able to do so for years.
BUT NOT THIS PARTICULAR DAY APPARENTLY.

I was so self righteous about the cooking thing and let many people know its ok as ive been just fine. It's NOT fine...this ONE day my daughter's all came for dinner and i Cooke up their favourite.

pork chop and tomato curry which includes sherry or red wine, which i both hate.

before I tipped the rest down the sink, i thought, oh I'm 2 years sober and had a half a glass.

well ....how quickly can half a glass escalate to a glass next week" because I was good and can handle it " to the week after , ill just have a glass, im fine with it....to me now drinking 2 bottlesca day. IT'S NOT SAFE . IT'S DANGEROUS.

i have rung the detox centre and cant get in for a month due to fathers day influx.

they have advised me to keep drinking until i get there....i don't want this, in all honestly another month could be life or death for me , so I'm 2 days on detox and its bloody hard.

i cant believe the love and support from my SR friends who have been my lifeline. You all know who you are.

I'm staying in bed , just spoke to PJ who has totally lifted my spirits & Mags, my best friend who even though we are miles apart NEVER Judges me but checks on me every day with no judgement, only care. Crois , Croutie and Dee. My saviours

sorry to thos of you I have let down , but i will get through this, by the grace of God, who have sent you all to help me along the way.

The thing to be wary of is, i have NEVER been as happy in my life as i am now.
don't EVER get fooled by that illusion, it can strike when you least expect it .


i dont know if i have this in the right forum Dee so as usual you will help me.

thanks for reaching out to me , im so lucky to say i have so many people who love me here and who i love back.

Thanks my beloved SR friends , this is soooooo hard when we relapse,, im trying my best .
love you ALL

Wendy
xxxxxx

Delilah1

Hi Snoozy,

I am so glad you are here and posting tonight, and you have two days sober, that’s a great start. I hope detox get some an opening sooner, and you can get in, until then, keep reading and posting on here.

Sending lots of love.

❤️Delilah

Dee74

Hi Snooz

I'm pretty sure you're giving yourself way more of a hard time than anyone else here will.
It's a micro second decision. You zigged when you should have zagged.

Years sober are not necessarily enough of a defense if we forget, even for a moment, that basic acceptance than we cannot live the life we want and also drink...its got to be one or the other.

I'm glad you're back posting - that's the hard part done.

And I don't think you're a bad example or any of that stuff. Your experience is invaluable not only for you but others too - both the good and the bad

I hope you being back posting means you're ready to kick this beast for good
Now let us help you get you back on your feet

D

Mags1

Snoozy, I realise how hard it was for you to post love. You have my admiration and love.

You’ve made it. I know you have many friends who care about you here.

As Delilah says it would be nice to see you here.

Baby steps sweetheart. Love you xx

dpac414

It always shows strength and courage to come back after a slip or relapse. You haven’t given up, you want to try again, and you can do it.

Those two years sober still matter. We’re all here for you. Keep posting.

CaptainHaddock

The thought of having to say I relapsed, especially because it would not be the first, second or third time, remains daunting to me. But let me tell you that it’s a way better option than hiding away instead of trying to claw your way back. I’m not downplaying that this is undoubtedly hard for you, but the shame that you perceive is exactly that, nothing more than a perception.

I saw a kid the other day with a T-shirt that said Forget the mistake, remember the lesson.

So, like for all of us, the journey continues. I wish you all the best. Please be kind to yourself.

Soberwolf

You have been such a massive part of my recovery for so long now (almost 10 years) imma come at this like your my mum snooz as my mum relapsed a good few times after long stretches of sobriety nothing will ever change the way i feel for you because i know the sober you the caring beautiful soul that you are. Your at a fork in the road with 2 directions backwards or forwards. Love you stay focused and keep on trying i love you x

Jeni26

Ahh my friend, this sucks doesn’t it.....I’ve been where you are right now. I’m not sure whether it’s complacency or us trying to prove something to ourselves....but this ‘taking a sip of a drink’ never ends well. Sometimes I think it’s when things are going smoothly In our lives and we are content that it gets more tricky. We kind of forget the horror and anguish...

I got back up after 2.5 years and so will you. You are amazingly brave to be posting this, and that courage will help you now.

if it helps, on the morning after my last drink, I was sitting in the car outside work having a full blown panic attack, and I will never ever forget that moment. I wanted to die, I was filled with anxiety, remorse and sadness. I will never forget that moment, and I replay it when I get those....’hey, you’re fine now, 1 drink won’t hurt’ moments. Perhaps you can freeze frame a specific moment for you too? Remember how it felt. You won’t want to go back to that.

i will be 5 years sober in Feb next year.

you can do this. I have faith in you ❤️

Dropsie

Snooze,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through but agree with all that there is no shame or blame at SR, just love and support. As you have given so many others.

I am pleased you did not wait for the detox place, none of this is easy, but it starts with the first step and all that. So happy you are back at it. I hear there is a little path to your left from the fork you took back to the place you were. Take it.

You have a lot of wonderful people there for you. I think the key is to give yourself the compassion and support you would give others. I loved this "Forget the mistake, remember the lesson." Lots of wisdom there.

Let us know what we can do.

Dee74

I hope you're doing ok Snooz and that you'll pick this thread up tomorrow.
Don't do a 'post and run'. People here care about you

D

saoutchik

Sorry to read you are going through this Snoozy but don't beat yourself up, we have all been there.

Two years sober shows that you can do this and I doubt you will repeat those actions that lead you to picking up should those circumstances arise again. I'm sure you'll succeed at this Snoozy.

Awake61

Thank you for the post. Reading it this morning really helped me, as I felt really awful this morning ( even though I haven't had a drop of booze) and had thoughts of drinking myself to death. That's how quickly the urge can grab me. I'm not going to drink and your words helped so much. Please hang in there.

venuscat

Here love.....always. s ❤️❤️

Be123

Hi Snoozy, I don't have any advice but I wanted you to know I'm feeling for you and hoping you make the right moves to get back to your sobriety.

SoberLeigh

Snoozy, dear one; I am so glad you posted. No judgment at SR; we all know how hard this is; we get it.

You are a strong and courageous woman. You can absolutely make sobriety a permanent thing.

Day 2 - well done. Stay close to us; lean on us.

LumenandNyx

Hi Wendy,

You wrote a lot, but this is what I'm commenting on: "so I'm 2 days on detox and its bloody hard."

Yes. It is hard. I've been there and can identify with your situation. Check this out - It doesn't last!

You've got two days behind you and the idea here is to just keep accumulating those days. As long as you don't drink again - those days will continue to rack up!

Keep up the hard work!

biminiblue

Snoozy, at some point we all have to throw the white flag, yeah?

I hope this is it for you.

There really is no reason nor any safe amount.

It's a lot easier since I accepted that.

puzzle

The thing to be wary of is, i have NEVER been as happy in my life as i am now.
don't EVER get fooled by that illusion, it can strike when you least expect it

I feel for you, where you are right now. But you got this. I also want to thank you for sharing this. I hope you take these words and post them. I know I will.

Croutie

Hello my dear Snooze,
I am so glad to see you posting. We all support you and don’t judge you...
You will get through this.
Love you..

Anna

Snoozy, I am so glad that posted and let us know how you're doing. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You made a mistake and now you're moving forward. You're doing the best you can, that's what matters. There is no judgement from me at all. I know how terribly hard sobriety and recovery are. I hope you post again soon to let us know how you're doing.