1st timer, Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
YOU CAN DO IT..(Adam Sandler)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vancouver wa
Posts: 7
1st timer, Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
Hello all,
Not sure if what to do here. I didnt grad. when I went to the Number 2 place to go for treatment in Yakima. I had to get back to my Job. I had 30 days and Bindged for 3 days and lost that job. go figure.
I went to my first meeting to day and Yes those people who said to go everyday are right, again go figure.
I have so much to say and need to talk.
I am thankful for a site like this. I have read many things on here and WOW. its not all what I thought. you guys are careing no matter what people say about what they did, areor are like.
I thank you for this.
I will be back to talk more and get many things off my mind. IT REALLY HELPS!
I cant beliebve Im saying that. cuz I am a mna with big..(you know whats)
and could never talk about myself if a self-pity, whoe is me, way. But I have to. I think I now know this.
Please be patient with me (spelling and whatever). Im a good person but have screwed up for 18 years. I have had some very weird things happen to me the last few days and want to share them with anyone who will listen.
I cant believe that those things happend to me. ALMOST SCARY things in a good way.
Spirtual?
REASON for everything?
Coincidence?
I will tell more tomorrow I have been up too late reading and am very tired now.
Thank you again for having this site.
18 years of drugs
Not sure if what to do here. I didnt grad. when I went to the Number 2 place to go for treatment in Yakima. I had to get back to my Job. I had 30 days and Bindged for 3 days and lost that job. go figure.
I went to my first meeting to day and Yes those people who said to go everyday are right, again go figure.
I have so much to say and need to talk.
I am thankful for a site like this. I have read many things on here and WOW. its not all what I thought. you guys are careing no matter what people say about what they did, areor are like.
I thank you for this.
I will be back to talk more and get many things off my mind. IT REALLY HELPS!
I cant beliebve Im saying that. cuz I am a mna with big..(you know whats)
and could never talk about myself if a self-pity, whoe is me, way. But I have to. I think I now know this.
Please be patient with me (spelling and whatever). Im a good person but have screwed up for 18 years. I have had some very weird things happen to me the last few days and want to share them with anyone who will listen.
I cant believe that those things happend to me. ALMOST SCARY things in a good way.
Spirtual?
REASON for everything?
Coincidence?
I will tell more tomorrow I have been up too late reading and am very tired now.
Thank you again for having this site.
18 years of drugs
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Welcome
Congratulations on the fine start of your new life.
Yes wake up calls can be life changeing. For some people the things they see happen can be so changeing that they think no one else would believe it or them. Well they do happen as I have seen in my own life.
Will be nice to read what you have to share. Will be nice to read posts of you making another day clean and sober as well.
Again Welcome to SR
Congratulations on the fine start of your new life.
Yes wake up calls can be life changeing. For some people the things they see happen can be so changeing that they think no one else would believe it or them. Well they do happen as I have seen in my own life.
Will be nice to read what you have to share. Will be nice to read posts of you making another day clean and sober as well.
Again Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 398
Welcome! 
So glad you posted. I am ChrisMan -- addict for about 24 years, sober on and off, finally have a good sobriety going of four months and one day. Taking just one day at a time.
Keep posting and glad to hear from you. :hello2
ChrisMan
So glad you posted. I am ChrisMan -- addict for about 24 years, sober on and off, finally have a good sobriety going of four months and one day. Taking just one day at a time.
Keep posting and glad to hear from you. :hello2
ChrisMan
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Welcome,
Just remember, One Day At A Time. Don't drink, go to meetings, and pray. Ninety (90) meetings in ninety (90) days. Read the literature, the answers are all there.
Good luck and God bless,
Jen
Just remember, One Day At A Time. Don't drink, go to meetings, and pray. Ninety (90) meetings in ninety (90) days. Read the literature, the answers are all there.
Good luck and God bless,
Jen
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Welcome welcome welcome - I am Irish so I have to overdo it and your lucky I am not doing the thousand!!!!!!
I am 6 days sober and this site is a life line and full of magic and caring and so glad you found it! And write like crazy if you have to - I have to I know!!!!
YES today is the beginning of the rest of your life - you sound like you have had a spiritual awakening perhaps - how wonderful and I hope it gives you the wings to fly to freedom from you addiction. I am supposed to be in bed but just had to greet you - its the lovely thing about this site - it makes one want Recovery and the blessings that such sobriety gives - KEEP COMING BACK!!!!!!!
Luvs Ama
I am 6 days sober and this site is a life line and full of magic and caring and so glad you found it! And write like crazy if you have to - I have to I know!!!!
YES today is the beginning of the rest of your life - you sound like you have had a spiritual awakening perhaps - how wonderful and I hope it gives you the wings to fly to freedom from you addiction. I am supposed to be in bed but just had to greet you - its the lovely thing about this site - it makes one want Recovery and the blessings that such sobriety gives - KEEP COMING BACK!!!!!!!
Luvs Ama
YOU CAN DO IT..(Adam Sandler)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vancouver wa
Posts: 7
REPLASE... 2 time in 4 weeks. MAn its got a hold on me!
Yes I relapse yesterday.
Here goes my story...
I get out of a 3 week treatment place, (didn’t grad, need to get back to this awesome career I HAD, yes had...) so here I am at home with my family. Everything seems perfect. The wife and I talk (she now knows that I am an addict and she is ok with it and learning allot with me) you see I am a closet user, I smoke coke and hide from everybody, "PARANOIA WILL DISTROYA"
Man this is gonna be long, Ill try to make it interested for ya'll.
Like I said I got out feeling great. I had 18 yrs of smoking da cocaine and ruined allot of relationships, wasted TONS of money. Lost a few jobs, neglected my kids.
Everything is better I FEEL GREEEEAT! We set family goals to help keep me busy with the family and we start doing things that we never had before and ITS fun, really, really fun and cool to be able to hang with my kids and wife and have a good time! No drink or drug. Wow THIS IS WAY COOL.
That was my first mistake. Thinking I was better/Fixed from being clean for 3 weeks.
One day I have not a clue why; there was NO reason to relapse, NONE whatsoever.
But I did. 3 DAY BINDGE! 1000.00 Later I came home, I never done that before it wasn’t like me to do that. When I got home. ..Wait. as I was coming home I got pulled over in my company car (yep using it while getting high) it was reported missing cuz I hadn’t shown up for work in 3 days and they made a police report .(and left a voice mail on my company cell that I was fired) I was still High he talked to me, (I had to be all wired in the face, sweaty and so on) he asked me where and why I was there I told him a big lie couldn’t look him in the face and he asked me if I had been drinking I said Notta, why are my eyes all red he asked; I said tired (it was 1 am) he gave me the ol eye test, watch his fingers without moving my head, I must have done a great job cuz he gave my license back and said drive careful on my way home. (Miracle 1?) So Now I am at home and I am so ashamed and feel so bad my wife is pissed so I head to the bathroom and pop some pills, I take a prescribed sleep aid I can take ½ of one and it knocks me out for about 6 hrs. I took 10-15 that night. Woke up fine! Weird I said to myself I should be in a coma, real tired or dead. (I was going with sleeping for a real long time, when I took them) Miracle 2?) ok I stayed in bed all that day got up Friday morning got on the ol PC and signed up for Unemployment. When I went to the jobs web site they have, there was 2 listing on the top of the list posted that morning for 1- the company that fired me competitor for the same exact position. (I have had 1 interview, went great, have another this Monday) I got the job I’m sure and it pays like 30 g more per yr. The other job posting was an engineer position that I retired from (screwed up that one cuz of drugs) so I didn’t go back because there are only a small handful of guys who can do what I do/did.
But to have 2 huge companies asking for 2 careers that I know best on the same day in this little town I live in the odds of that are astronomical. That just doesn’t happen! Miracle #3. Im not a big god person I have resentments towards him but I have been going to church with my wife lately. I have to wonder if he helped or if it was my Brother, dad, step dad looking out for me (they all have pasted away)
So now I go to my first meeting ever, besides what we did in treatment. I wanted to go to one that had more professionals (ok sales people, that’s what I do) in there so they can call my **** if I say any. We picked one out from the web site that showed all the meetings in town and picked one that was close and fit out time schedule, It was good. ,Everyone looked normal talked normal had lives like mine. So I thought it was a cool meeting , they called it B & P I had not a clue what that ment until I talk to a friend of mine he said to me, Oh you found the one you want.. I said huh? I told him I was looking for the type of meeting that fits my life style. Business & Professionals. Miracle #4? Go figure that.
Ok now its 2 weeks since I relapse and I have been going to meeting and church and talking and getting involved working it and my home life! Still no sponsor still not working the 12 steps.
GUESS WHAT?? Yep I relapsed again last night. I was just out driving, getting things taken care of and I drove to my dealers for a 20.00 and end up going back to spend another 140.00 damn and me not working was a bad bad move. My wife is so pissed she said after taking the pills and seeing all the miracles that happened to me, I would have seen/felt sensed something that says you no need drugs to be happy.
WHY DID I DO THAT??????????????????????????????????????? DAMN ME!
I have no clue what to do. I also blew off 2 interviews yesterday as well.
I suck!
So now what?
Can you, that have many years or a few months tell me how to keep from relapsing?
I have all the books, the big one, the 12 steps, 24 hrs a day and even more and read them and I REALLY REALLY WANT TO STOP! Why cant I!
Ok I need to head to bed.
Thank you for listening to me… oops Reading my thoughts!
I really do appreciate your time.
Thanks
18 years on coke!
Here goes my story...
I get out of a 3 week treatment place, (didn’t grad, need to get back to this awesome career I HAD, yes had...) so here I am at home with my family. Everything seems perfect. The wife and I talk (she now knows that I am an addict and she is ok with it and learning allot with me) you see I am a closet user, I smoke coke and hide from everybody, "PARANOIA WILL DISTROYA"
Man this is gonna be long, Ill try to make it interested for ya'll.
Like I said I got out feeling great. I had 18 yrs of smoking da cocaine and ruined allot of relationships, wasted TONS of money. Lost a few jobs, neglected my kids.
Everything is better I FEEL GREEEEAT! We set family goals to help keep me busy with the family and we start doing things that we never had before and ITS fun, really, really fun and cool to be able to hang with my kids and wife and have a good time! No drink or drug. Wow THIS IS WAY COOL.
That was my first mistake. Thinking I was better/Fixed from being clean for 3 weeks.
One day I have not a clue why; there was NO reason to relapse, NONE whatsoever.
But I did. 3 DAY BINDGE! 1000.00 Later I came home, I never done that before it wasn’t like me to do that. When I got home. ..Wait. as I was coming home I got pulled over in my company car (yep using it while getting high) it was reported missing cuz I hadn’t shown up for work in 3 days and they made a police report .(and left a voice mail on my company cell that I was fired) I was still High he talked to me, (I had to be all wired in the face, sweaty and so on) he asked me where and why I was there I told him a big lie couldn’t look him in the face and he asked me if I had been drinking I said Notta, why are my eyes all red he asked; I said tired (it was 1 am) he gave me the ol eye test, watch his fingers without moving my head, I must have done a great job cuz he gave my license back and said drive careful on my way home. (Miracle 1?) So Now I am at home and I am so ashamed and feel so bad my wife is pissed so I head to the bathroom and pop some pills, I take a prescribed sleep aid I can take ½ of one and it knocks me out for about 6 hrs. I took 10-15 that night. Woke up fine! Weird I said to myself I should be in a coma, real tired or dead. (I was going with sleeping for a real long time, when I took them) Miracle 2?) ok I stayed in bed all that day got up Friday morning got on the ol PC and signed up for Unemployment. When I went to the jobs web site they have, there was 2 listing on the top of the list posted that morning for 1- the company that fired me competitor for the same exact position. (I have had 1 interview, went great, have another this Monday) I got the job I’m sure and it pays like 30 g more per yr. The other job posting was an engineer position that I retired from (screwed up that one cuz of drugs) so I didn’t go back because there are only a small handful of guys who can do what I do/did.
But to have 2 huge companies asking for 2 careers that I know best on the same day in this little town I live in the odds of that are astronomical. That just doesn’t happen! Miracle #3. Im not a big god person I have resentments towards him but I have been going to church with my wife lately. I have to wonder if he helped or if it was my Brother, dad, step dad looking out for me (they all have pasted away)
So now I go to my first meeting ever, besides what we did in treatment. I wanted to go to one that had more professionals (ok sales people, that’s what I do) in there so they can call my **** if I say any. We picked one out from the web site that showed all the meetings in town and picked one that was close and fit out time schedule, It was good. ,Everyone looked normal talked normal had lives like mine. So I thought it was a cool meeting , they called it B & P I had not a clue what that ment until I talk to a friend of mine he said to me, Oh you found the one you want.. I said huh? I told him I was looking for the type of meeting that fits my life style. Business & Professionals. Miracle #4? Go figure that.
Ok now its 2 weeks since I relapse and I have been going to meeting and church and talking and getting involved working it and my home life! Still no sponsor still not working the 12 steps.
GUESS WHAT?? Yep I relapsed again last night. I was just out driving, getting things taken care of and I drove to my dealers for a 20.00 and end up going back to spend another 140.00 damn and me not working was a bad bad move. My wife is so pissed she said after taking the pills and seeing all the miracles that happened to me, I would have seen/felt sensed something that says you no need drugs to be happy.
WHY DID I DO THAT??????????????????????????????????????? DAMN ME!
I have no clue what to do. I also blew off 2 interviews yesterday as well.
I suck!
So now what?
Can you, that have many years or a few months tell me how to keep from relapsing?
I have all the books, the big one, the 12 steps, 24 hrs a day and even more and read them and I REALLY REALLY WANT TO STOP! Why cant I!
Ok I need to head to bed.
Thank you for listening to me… oops Reading my thoughts!
I really do appreciate your time.
Thanks
18 years on coke!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Northern , CA.
Posts: 42
HI 18years,
That was last night. you can feel bad but you cant change it. Feel good for today. Day one is the first step on a long road. Being here today is the miracle.
I had a friend once that OD'd on mushrooms of all things. Thought he would die that night. went into the bathroom, got in the tub, and suddenly he felt an overwhelming sense of calm. and he was "sober".
he told me god came to him and saved him. You know what he did next? went into the living room and ate more mushrooms.
I'm not sure what my point is except you are not the first one to pass on a second or third chance.. you probably think you have some control over your addiction, like we all do at first. May be you aren't at rock bottom yet....
But today you are here and I am glad that you took the time to share with me.
Keep coming back. good thoughts going your way.....
That was last night. you can feel bad but you cant change it. Feel good for today. Day one is the first step on a long road. Being here today is the miracle.
I had a friend once that OD'd on mushrooms of all things. Thought he would die that night. went into the bathroom, got in the tub, and suddenly he felt an overwhelming sense of calm. and he was "sober".
he told me god came to him and saved him. You know what he did next? went into the living room and ate more mushrooms.
I'm not sure what my point is except you are not the first one to pass on a second or third chance.. you probably think you have some control over your addiction, like we all do at first. May be you aren't at rock bottom yet....
But today you are here and I am glad that you took the time to share with me.
Keep coming back. good thoughts going your way.....
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Did it get any better by relapsing? You're shopping for meetings - which one fits your life best? Honey, if you are desperate and will go to any lengths to get and stay clean, you will go to a meeting everyday, if not more than one a day. You will open the literature you have and you will read it. You will get a sponsor. You will get phone numbers and you will use them. YOu will pray to a Power Greater than yourself, whatever that might be. Simple stuff, not rocket science. Only those who want it stay clean...
It's not easy, simple, but not easy. Relapsing CAN happen that quick. You need to devise a plan, in case you find yourself in that position again. That's why you need the sponsor and the phone numbers. You find yourself pulling into the dealer's driveway, stop, call your sponsor or someone in the program. 12 step programs have a lot of "tools". Go to more meetings and find out what they are. Your in my heart and prayers.
Love,
Jen
It's not easy, simple, but not easy. Relapsing CAN happen that quick. You need to devise a plan, in case you find yourself in that position again. That's why you need the sponsor and the phone numbers. You find yourself pulling into the dealer's driveway, stop, call your sponsor or someone in the program. 12 step programs have a lot of "tools". Go to more meetings and find out what they are. Your in my heart and prayers.
Love,
Jen
YOU CAN DO IT..(Adam Sandler)
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vancouver wa
Posts: 7
Thank you for all your comments!
I do apprecate all your time you have giving me to talk with me.
Thank you Very much.
I means so much to me right!
I will be back
Thank you Very much.
I means so much to me right!
I will be back
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