Misssy2

Because I drank last night.
I woke up feeling so out of it and still sick to my stomach.

Decided I was craving a greasy ball of (clam cake) so I showered...went and got the food was pretty proud of myself that I was out and not at the liquor store...Instead of the sun feeling beautiful as I waited in line for my clam cakes...I became sweaty and miserable and my eyes were sensitive to the sun....my legs felt wobbly....and I placed the order and waited.

I needed some stuff at the market on the way home..bannas, grapes, Body Armor drink to hydrate, some noodles and chicken...for dinner and I get to the register and I don't have my WALLET.....I go out and search the car...dripping in sweat (from the alcohol last night)...and I had to re enter to recheck the basket which means I had a long walk. My body was shaking with anxiety...I felt like I was going to pass out.....cause of the alcohol (usually I am very active)….I had to jump back in the car and run back to the place I got the food to check for my WALLET....It was 85 here...I couldn't breathe...I was shaking...had to take an anxiety pill so I could drive.....got back there and thank God my WALLET was right where I left it on a picnic table...nobody had touched it....Still body shaking I had to go back to the store and check out the food that I had sitting in a cart (hoping they were not returning the foods to the cold storage).

Got everything done...came home and could barely put the cold stuff in the refrigerator...it was like I felt last night...dizzy, sweaty, sick and stumbled into my bed and slept for 2 hours....Drinking is not good...its not a solution in any amounts...Yet I fear I will do this again.....

Awake61

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It reminds me of why I can't drink ever. Although, my end of days drinking I wasn't driving, just laying around day after day near death, but swilling the vodka down anyways, until a police officer found me and I went to jail.You don't need to get to that end stage. If I can stop, you can. Begin, by going minute by minute sober.

Misssy2

I was at the stage you mention just less than 12 days before this....and have been too many times....I felt kind of relieved this morning that I did not pick up a drink THIS MORNING...and so I went out...not feeling as bad as you do after a 5 day binge....so I thought...but I felt pretty awful...horrible and did just end up making it to the bed....at least I didn't drink again.

Dee74

Have you thought of things you might add to whatever you do now to stay sober Missy?
Do you have access to online meetings at all - whether they be AA or some other method...
might be good to have an extra layer of support - and of course use it?

D

Misssy2

Hi Dee...that is my problem...I am on the AA 24/7 online meetings..I am the one that posted the link here and at least 2 people love it here and go to it daily or often...I go daily when I get in bed at 9pm...between my meetings and my Drs I am talking to "professional support" pretty often.

Much trauma has occurred in my life over the past year...and they say it is normal for people with substance abuse issues to fall back on their substances during these rough times...2 deaths...my sister (best friend) and my Dad....my Dad was only in March....the loss of a significant other...and my Mother left the state...when my Father got sick....there is a lot of pressure on me and then COVID as with everyone else....added to it....I can't handle my level of anxiety....I was also diagnosed with Frontal Temporal dementia before my sister died....which is a tough diagnosis to wrap your mind around....I live in fear...and anxiety...its very hard not to want to drown it out....I try....I used to be a daily drinker....Now I go a month...a couple weeks....in 2018 I went 8 months...I just haven't learned.

I have been to AA for 6 years on a daily basis....one way or another..in person or online...
Drunk and sober....