Happydays223

Hi all. This is my first day of being sober. I've tried to do it before but it has not worked. I have depression and lack energy and motivation, so when I'm down I binge drink. I can go 3-4 days without alcohol but it's always on my mind. I have had arguments with family when I'm drunk and my friends have seen me at my worst. It's embarrassing but I can't seem to break the cycle.
I'm self isolating on my own during the weekend but I am working and it helps to have a routine. Looking back I think I've always had a problem with alcohol. I really want to stop but I'm not sure if I have the strength to do it . Can anyone relate to this? Thanks, Emma

AAPJ

Hi Emma,
Welcome to SR. We are here to support each other. We get it. I hope you stick around.

Reid82

Hello Emma and welcome to SR. Make use of the support here now.

Dee74

Hi and welcome happydays223
I think a lot of people can identify with drinking when they feel down - unfortunately over time we;re just compounding the problem because drinking regular large amounts of alcohol will make us feel depressed.
There are other better ways to deal with feeling down - have you considered seeing a dr or therapist about it?
Support helps too - and you'll find a lot of that here.
Post here when you want to drink and let us help you make a better choice
D

Sober369

Welcome Emma! Yes, I can relate. I remember driving to work everyday saying to myself, this is it! I will never drink again. And then driving home every day saying, All I want in the world is a drink! That went on for years. Being sober feels very good. It can be hard at first, though, and you might have thoughts of drinking off and on for a time. SR has helped me a lot. I check in here several times a day and read and post. I'm glad you made it here and I hope to hear lots from you.

doggonecarl

Welcome.
I don't think strength is the most needed component to quitting. Strength implies fighting and alcoholism isn't beat by fighting it. Fighting our addiction usually means trying to control it. Better to surrender, accept you can't handle alcohol, accept never ever drinking again. You only have to be strong enough to try.

DriGuy

I remember back when I thought not drinking was hard. What I wanted was to control my drinking, which is totally different, and yes that is hard. Both controlling and not drinking are hard at first. Not drinking at all (as in for the rest of your life) is easy when you decide to do it. The problem with controlling is that means you will be constantly maintaining your addiction with sips, gulps, and binges that don't get you out of the addictive cycle. The minute you decide a quick sip can't hurt, you put yourself back in the addiction. Consequently, the constant self-badgering of your mind with thoughts of alcohol never leaves. But take alcohol out of your life for good, and the cravings eventually leave. For me this took about a week until my cravings were manageable, and then laughable, and then gone.
But I relate to your thinking about alcohol all the time. It seems like the only way to quit craving is to given in. The problem is that it keeps you addicted. In the beginning of recovery, you are going to have to deal with cravings, just like you get when you are trying to control. Giving in, keeps you addicted. Each time you don't give in, it takes you farther away from your addiction. But no matter how far away you get, giving in just one time takes you back to the beginning of the struggle.
The best advice for myself was to realize never having a drink again, even on the most special occasion, was the only way I could solve this problem. And this makes me happy. I'm not always happy about everything. But I am always happy that I don't have to drink, no matter what.

Surrendered19

Welcome to SR Emma and you are absolutely strong enough. It really isn't an issue of strength as much as it is just walking away from the fight. All the time we spend planning our chaotic lives around using, the fleeting brief high, followed by restless sleep and then feeling like death warmed over until we drink again. Just typing that makes me exhausted thinking about what I did every day. All you need to do is be humble, admit the booze won, unlace the gloves and walk away. Peace, calm and a clear head and healthy body await you. It will be amazing.

SnazzyDresser

Like you, I wasn't sure I could stop drinking 4 years ago. It was scary as hell, trying to imagine me facing the world without either beer or at least the promise of future beer to hold on for. And I honestly couldn't get my mind around it completely during that 1st year when I spent 4 months sober, 1 month back drinking, then 5 months sober, and yes 1 more hellish month drinking. It was January 2017 to be exact, and it brought me way closer to death than ever.
But I managed to get sober again, kept working on my mind, kept not drinking every day, kept logging onto SR, kept after it like my life depending on it. And whaddya know, I ended up being able to quit drinking, quite amazing! Sober now over 3 years, not always easy but worth all the trouble.
Emma, you are capable of more than you know. We all are. You don't have to keep drinking if you don't want to. SR can help you do that if you use it. All the best to you.

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

StuckInMyHead

Emma, thank you for posting. It clearly shows that deep down you know what needs to happen. You are struggling with things that almost everyone on this forum is either going through or has succeeded in getting past. I am very early on in my recovery as well and have been battling intense cravings for about a week but coming back here and attending some of the online AA meetings have helped me get past some of the most intense moments. Posts like yours are a reminder of why I can’t give in to those cravings. Last night was the first night in a VERY long time that I slept without the help of medication or alcohol and it felt absolutely amazing. I hope that you too can start to feel the satisfaction of these simple things that alcohol has taken from us. You can do this. Make whatever choices you need to make regardless of what you perceive as the downside. You are worth it.

TiredCarpenter

Welcome Happydays223 !

You will find a TON of caring and support here at SR.


I will share a link that really took a lot of the mystery out of things for me:
https://www.verywellmind.com/is-this...-it-last-80197


This site goes through, day by day, the first 14 days of recovery. With quotes from sufferers like you and I.
First few days are hell for most of us. Quite a few begin to fell better at 5-7 days.Some feel amazed at 7-9 days, etc, etc...
Hope this helps like it did for me.
Be well. Post often.

DriGuy

This was a fun read. The authors put some time into this to turn the experience into writing. I saw myself in much of it.

least

Hi Emma, and welcome to the family. Once I accepted that I could never drink again, it got a bit easier to stay sober. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

D122y

I came to Sr when I was in my most time of need. I was lost and losing my mind.

It has taken the better part 4 years to stabilize and appreciate the contrast of being an active addict to this clean.

It is easy to appreciate now.

There was so much I was missing. Glad I am free.

Hang in there and see.

Thanks.

Anna

Emma, Welcome!
I used alcohol to self-medicate depression and anxiety, too. It was SO hard to get motivation to stop drinking even though my life was falling apart. If you make a choice to stop drinking today, you can begin to reclaim your life. You might be surprised to find that your depression lessens. After all, alcohol is a depressant. And, if not, you might think about talking to your doctor. There are lots of medications that help with depression. That's what worked for me.