Sorry it's been awhile
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: OKC OK
Posts: 414
Sorry it's been awhile
Sorry it's been awhile.
This road to recovery isn’t happening quite the way I thought it would. Not necessarily a bad thing, just different. Things like: I literally thought you were supposed to write down everyone you’ve done wrong and go on an apology tour…but that’s not quite how it’s happened. We both seem to randomly apologize for things we’ve done when we recognize a similar situation on a tv show or something. The apology means more to me for him to recognize something awful and then realize he did that to me and tell me how sorry he is that he behaved that way. I hope he feels the same way.
I never expected his recovery to destroy his relationship with his family. I know that when you change your relationships change also. I never realized that his family was so crazy and toxic and I guess it’s because we lived so far away I never really had to spend all that much time with them. When we moved here I guess I still didn’t see it because I was so sick myself I couldn’t see it. Through working my steps and going to therapy I started seeing how crazy and controlling they were. It’s insane. My husband started seeing it too. My in laws have literally lost their minds. We ultimately cut them off. It seems to have made his recovery easier.
I didn’t think it would be easy to forgive and stop worrying about whether he’s drinking or not. Maybe because I started my recovery nearly a year before he did has made it easier for me. I still have my moments but I rarely think about it. We’re still not perfect (if we ever were) but we’re still trying and doing a lot better than before.
We are approaching a year in recovery for him. Should I get him a gift? Is that even appropriate?
This road to recovery isn’t happening quite the way I thought it would. Not necessarily a bad thing, just different. Things like: I literally thought you were supposed to write down everyone you’ve done wrong and go on an apology tour…but that’s not quite how it’s happened. We both seem to randomly apologize for things we’ve done when we recognize a similar situation on a tv show or something. The apology means more to me for him to recognize something awful and then realize he did that to me and tell me how sorry he is that he behaved that way. I hope he feels the same way.
I never expected his recovery to destroy his relationship with his family. I know that when you change your relationships change also. I never realized that his family was so crazy and toxic and I guess it’s because we lived so far away I never really had to spend all that much time with them. When we moved here I guess I still didn’t see it because I was so sick myself I couldn’t see it. Through working my steps and going to therapy I started seeing how crazy and controlling they were. It’s insane. My husband started seeing it too. My in laws have literally lost their minds. We ultimately cut them off. It seems to have made his recovery easier.
I didn’t think it would be easy to forgive and stop worrying about whether he’s drinking or not. Maybe because I started my recovery nearly a year before he did has made it easier for me. I still have my moments but I rarely think about it. We’re still not perfect (if we ever were) but we’re still trying and doing a lot better than before.
We are approaching a year in recovery for him. Should I get him a gift? Is that even appropriate?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I personally think a gift is in order if you feel inclined, as that is a great accomplishment.
It's sad but I think this often happens. Many families just cannot handle change, especially when they deem themselves to be in control. I am sorry that happened w/your inlaws, but glad you two are forming boundaries for yourselves.
Well done!
It's sad but I think this often happens. Many families just cannot handle change, especially when they deem themselves to be in control. I am sorry that happened w/your inlaws, but glad you two are forming boundaries for yourselves.
Well done!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
This sounds like a real recovery that goes beyond just not drinking. It's a pity his family reacted the way they have, but people often take sobriety a rebuke to themselves.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: OKC OK
Posts: 414
Thank you. He is trying and for that I'm truly grateful. I'm still kinda angry with his family but that's my issue and I'm working on letting it go. He has my family and they are really supportive. It's probably not the same but at least he has support.
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