Letter to ex in rehab
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 1
Letter to ex in rehab
Hi all, I could really use some help. My ex-boyfriend, we recently broke up, Just went to alcohol rehab. I actually talked him into going. But it seems as though he thinks that we are still together. I feel like he needs to deal with our break up in rehab and not be surprised when he gets out and we’re not together. We are in contact and I’m trying to be supportive but what do I say in a letter so he knows we will not be together when he gets home.
I’m not mad at him. I’m just done.
I’m not mad at him. I’m just done.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 73
If “you talked him into going” then chances are he only went to keep you attached. Is it a 28 day or 90 day program?
If you are really done then you need to be really done and tell him so he can focus on himself. Right now there’s a good chance he’s focusing on what to do to keep you two together.
It’s hard going no contact, I’m battling with that myself. Mine is in a year long program but he contacts me still with hopes when he gets out we’ll be together, even after I told him are not together and I would have to see changes before I would agree to go on a date with him. Which in retrospect I should have not even said that because any small chance, I feel, makes him focus on “getting back together” rather than on his recovery.
So only advise I have would be to tell him it’s over and he needs to focus on his recovery. If you are truly done with the relationship.
If you are really done then you need to be really done and tell him so he can focus on himself. Right now there’s a good chance he’s focusing on what to do to keep you two together.
It’s hard going no contact, I’m battling with that myself. Mine is in a year long program but he contacts me still with hopes when he gets out we’ll be together, even after I told him are not together and I would have to see changes before I would agree to go on a date with him. Which in retrospect I should have not even said that because any small chance, I feel, makes him focus on “getting back together” rather than on his recovery.
So only advise I have would be to tell him it’s over and he needs to focus on his recovery. If you are truly done with the relationship.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Michelle, and Welcome!
I'm sorry for what brings you here.
I can't really tell you what to say, but I think that the truth, in kindness, is always the best option. I think if you offer all the reasons "why" in a letter, he will just use those to argue back as to "why not". Brevity is, perhaps, your best bet.
It's been helpful for me before to make a clean break, too. No contact via text, phone, social media, etc. It helps the healing process for both
Please do take good care. And know that it probably is for the best to let him know while he is in a supportive environment.
I'm sorry for what brings you here.
I can't really tell you what to say, but I think that the truth, in kindness, is always the best option. I think if you offer all the reasons "why" in a letter, he will just use those to argue back as to "why not". Brevity is, perhaps, your best bet.
It's been helpful for me before to make a clean break, too. No contact via text, phone, social media, etc. It helps the healing process for both
Please do take good care. And know that it probably is for the best to let him know while he is in a supportive environment.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi Michelle,
How long were you together with him and what kind of support system do you have in getting into a healthy "moving forward"?
There is no need to stay in contact with him in any way. He does not need your support or friendship through this.
Alcoholism recovery is counter-intuitive. What I thought would be helpful, I've found the opposite typically is.
((((hugs))))
Welcome to SR.
How long were you together with him and what kind of support system do you have in getting into a healthy "moving forward"?
There is no need to stay in contact with him in any way. He does not need your support or friendship through this.
Alcoholism recovery is counter-intuitive. What I thought would be helpful, I've found the opposite typically is.
((((hugs))))
Welcome to SR.
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