Double birthday on the 7th: 7 months sober and 47 years old
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Double birthday on the 7th: 7 months sober and 47 years old
... and 5 months and 14 days since my last cigarette.
It is also the last 'first time' of a significant yearly event. I have made the summer holidays, the birthdays of husband, our anniversary, and Christmas.
When I wake up tomorrow I will know you can do all these things alcohol free and it will be easier the second/third/fourth.. time.
Everything has changed and nothing has changed. I was a secret drinker with a good life: the beautiful kids, the great husband and a good enough job. I was drowning in my secret and it was becoming impossible to hold on the appearance much longer. I discovered I was dependent a 7th of July. I had to decide to drink in the morning to cope with withdrawal, or get on with it. I made the second choice. I was terrified about what the first one meant. Tried to get medical help but did not get it. I was very scared and almost drank several times in the following three days.
I confessed to my husband. And I have not drunk since. Because I was very disciplined and drank in secret, sometimes I forget the hell my life had become. In the past months I have discovered that alcohol is not my only problem: my perfect family is not so perfect and I don't have the tools to address it (yet). My job causes lots of trouble and frustration, but it also requires lots of effort I have not been willing to make to change the situation.
Drinking was not only a way to escape, also an excuse not to deal with things that make me unhappy. I may not become the person I would like to be. I may not be able to address issues that a better version of me might be able to handle. However, nothing has made me anywhere as unhappy, miserable and nasty as the alcohol did.
Not only I was wasting my life away thinking about alcohol, drinking alcohol, recovering from alcohol, buying alcohol, hiding alcohol, disposing of it, making excuses for all that time and money spent. I was never present for my family and also actively avoiding them so they could not smell me. I was constantly avoiding physical contact from my children and husband... and from the rest of the world. So I could keep drinking.
I have not lost weight. I think I have put some; I don't own a scale but clothes are 'shrinking'. I guess quitting smoking has not helped.
I don't have plenty of energy. I feel very overwhelmed by the challenges ahead that I cannot escape/hide/mask,
My yearly blood test has come back abnormal for the first time ever after months of not drinking. I am anemic so they will keep investigating.
HOwever, the gains are impossible to list: the anxiety has mutated into something manageable that comes but also disappears; I may take ages to fall asleep, but then I sleep with a clean conscience, no shame/no guilt. I don't wake up scared not sure about what happened the day before, how bad my body will be, disappointed in myself knowing I will promise not to drink to find myself with a bottle a few hours later;
I kiss my children all the time. I can drive everybody, everywhere all the time. Because I drank in secret, parties and social events are not a trigger. I did not drink much at those. I used to get there already loaded and top myself up at home. Now I make it sober to social events and enjoy them (or hate them) for what they are.
Thank you so very much all of you for being there. I had a real wobble on day 19. Venuscat and Citrus (waves to citrus wherever you are) helped me to make it to day 20.
Dee and Venus were crucial during the first weeks, as well as all my classmates in the July 2019 thread. Sohard reached out to me when I stopped posting and also gave me lots of encouragement when I felt (around day 50) I was never going to feel really better.
Tetrax has been a massive inspiration. I fully admire you. Houstin has made me laugh all the way while witnessing his own miracle. August is the sobering voice of the sobering community. C0ntr0ls is my guide, three days ahead of me.
SoberRican daycount is always full of positive energy. I have read several times posts full of good advice by many; lessgravity or Dryguy come to mind. I wonder how others like sweetiechick are doing. I am so grateful I found you and I made me it this far.
I was so scared about life without alcohol. I feel alcohol addiction leads to a strange version of agarophobia: constantly afraid of the places where freedom resides. The only scary thing about not being able to leave your own house is that you are locked, missing everything else.
It is also the last 'first time' of a significant yearly event. I have made the summer holidays, the birthdays of husband, our anniversary, and Christmas.
When I wake up tomorrow I will know you can do all these things alcohol free and it will be easier the second/third/fourth.. time.
Everything has changed and nothing has changed. I was a secret drinker with a good life: the beautiful kids, the great husband and a good enough job. I was drowning in my secret and it was becoming impossible to hold on the appearance much longer. I discovered I was dependent a 7th of July. I had to decide to drink in the morning to cope with withdrawal, or get on with it. I made the second choice. I was terrified about what the first one meant. Tried to get medical help but did not get it. I was very scared and almost drank several times in the following three days.
I confessed to my husband. And I have not drunk since. Because I was very disciplined and drank in secret, sometimes I forget the hell my life had become. In the past months I have discovered that alcohol is not my only problem: my perfect family is not so perfect and I don't have the tools to address it (yet). My job causes lots of trouble and frustration, but it also requires lots of effort I have not been willing to make to change the situation.
Drinking was not only a way to escape, also an excuse not to deal with things that make me unhappy. I may not become the person I would like to be. I may not be able to address issues that a better version of me might be able to handle. However, nothing has made me anywhere as unhappy, miserable and nasty as the alcohol did.
Not only I was wasting my life away thinking about alcohol, drinking alcohol, recovering from alcohol, buying alcohol, hiding alcohol, disposing of it, making excuses for all that time and money spent. I was never present for my family and also actively avoiding them so they could not smell me. I was constantly avoiding physical contact from my children and husband... and from the rest of the world. So I could keep drinking.
I have not lost weight. I think I have put some; I don't own a scale but clothes are 'shrinking'. I guess quitting smoking has not helped.
I don't have plenty of energy. I feel very overwhelmed by the challenges ahead that I cannot escape/hide/mask,
My yearly blood test has come back abnormal for the first time ever after months of not drinking. I am anemic so they will keep investigating.
HOwever, the gains are impossible to list: the anxiety has mutated into something manageable that comes but also disappears; I may take ages to fall asleep, but then I sleep with a clean conscience, no shame/no guilt. I don't wake up scared not sure about what happened the day before, how bad my body will be, disappointed in myself knowing I will promise not to drink to find myself with a bottle a few hours later;
I kiss my children all the time. I can drive everybody, everywhere all the time. Because I drank in secret, parties and social events are not a trigger. I did not drink much at those. I used to get there already loaded and top myself up at home. Now I make it sober to social events and enjoy them (or hate them) for what they are.
Thank you so very much all of you for being there. I had a real wobble on day 19. Venuscat and Citrus (waves to citrus wherever you are) helped me to make it to day 20.
Dee and Venus were crucial during the first weeks, as well as all my classmates in the July 2019 thread. Sohard reached out to me when I stopped posting and also gave me lots of encouragement when I felt (around day 50) I was never going to feel really better.
Tetrax has been a massive inspiration. I fully admire you. Houstin has made me laugh all the way while witnessing his own miracle. August is the sobering voice of the sobering community. C0ntr0ls is my guide, three days ahead of me.
SoberRican daycount is always full of positive energy. I have read several times posts full of good advice by many; lessgravity or Dryguy come to mind. I wonder how others like sweetiechick are doing. I am so grateful I found you and I made me it this far.
I was so scared about life without alcohol. I feel alcohol addiction leads to a strange version of agarophobia: constantly afraid of the places where freedom resides. The only scary thing about not being able to leave your own house is that you are locked, missing everything else.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
You are doing awesome! You are still in early recovery and it just keeps getting better and better! It kinda snuck up on me. For a long time I felt like I was missing something. That feeling is gone and I'm not sure when it left. I quit smoking the same time I quit drugs and alcohol. The only help I had was SR and this has to be the greatest place in the world! (For me at least). Best wishes for you on your journey!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 18
to echo what Cityboy said...
...your post resonated with me as well, your old drinking self reminds me of my old drinking self. I particularly liked that you listed how alcohol affected every aspect of your life; you thought about it, bought it, drank it, hid it, disposed of it. That resonates with me. It felt like my life revolved around it, between the planning, partaking, hiding, and lying. Now we are free of all of those matters.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by tomls 
You are doing awesome! You are still in early recovery and it just keeps getting better and better! It kinda snuck up on me. For a long time I felt like I was missing something. That feeling is gone and I'm not sure when it left. I quit smoking the same time I quit drugs and alcohol. The only help I had was SR and this has to be the greatest place in the world! (For me at least). Best wishes for you on your journey!
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Originally Posted by BackandScared
it really helps me to hear it gets even better! Because it has been much slower than I thought but undoubtedly so much better than I ever imagined
I was a slow starter, too, but I had faith that it would get better. And it did. Now my worst day sober is infinitely better than my best day drinking
I loved reading your post!
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 141
So good to see you BackandScared happy birthday and congratulations on your 7 months. Life is so, so much better now after these seven months (not perfect, but a far cry from the misery you so well articulated, and that most of us can absolutely relate to....your post takes me right back to our starting point, I can still feel all of that like it’s deeply a part of me.
Thanks for being there, and for still being here
happy birthday and congratulations on your 7 months. Life is so, so much better now after these seven months (not perfect, but a far cry from the misery you so well articulated, and that most of us can absolutely relate to....your post takes me right back to our starting point, I can still feel all of that like it’s deeply a part of me.Thanks for being there, and for still being here
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Glad to see you here too Sapph21. Thank you all for the support.
As you know, it does mean a lot.
It was a great birthday, celebrated with family watching a great show and feeling the virtual good vibes from the SR community
As you know, it does mean a lot.
It was a great birthday, celebrated with family watching a great show and feeling the virtual good vibes from the SR community
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